Mystic Logic...

Another year

2012-01-05T20:18:00.003-05:00

Happy 2012! As my daughter Isabella described it, the planet went around the sun for the 2012 year...that made me smile somehow. I am ready- refreshed and excited to welcome this year's adventures, challenges and path. I find it very calming that this year - as the eve passed, and Pieter and I spent a great dinner with friends talking and catching up- we took some time late from 1AM till about 3AM talking and catching up on where we are on our path, and it was pretty cool.

You see, back in 1994 when I first met Pieter, it was the beginning of an honest, open all-in friendship which began by the questions of 'why are we here' and more importantly, 'why do we do what we do' - though this is a very short version of the discussions we had when we first met, it basically captures the gist. That is to say, we both separately before we met went through some experiences in life that made us think hard about what we should do with our lives. This was interesting to find out- separately since we didn't know each other and found later when we did meet, that these thoughts of conceptual 'why' questions were hard to discuss with our peers at the time. Not very many law students were really interested in those questions; nor was I able to connect with people who understood that asking questions was in fact relevant.

In retrospect, I believe that both of us were faced with tough circumstances at a young age, and that perhaps our notion of 'truth' and understanding 'reality' was really important. Otherwise, why continue in the face of great difficulty? Perhaps it is easy to ignore big questions, or to avoid them, because of what we are afraid will result. But at the time, at least for myself, the fear was in not knowing.

As it happened, both of us- independently but in parallel found that the Baha'i Faith presented answers to many of our questions- and after research (2 years by me, and intensely for 6 months for Pieter) we realized that the path best suited for our lives was a journey of learning and of service- no matter the challenge or the difficulties that beset us. Moreover, on that path, laden within the Writings and guidelines and explanations, lies the core underlying structure of how to be. The Baha'i Faith presented a new paradigm of understanding humanity- For the first time, the unfolding of a greater story became relevant, one that required a new understanding of people, the purpose of religion and the steps to get us towards our best selves.

I met Pieter and there I found most unexpectedly- a person who could not only understand me, but someone who knew why I was inspired to do what I could do, and someone who respected that path for himself as much as I had for myself- if not more. At the same time, I found a companion who enjoyed 80's music, gourmet food, and exploring cities endlessly through the wee hours...what an unlikely but delightful discovery!

We were married 9 months later, and have been for the past 17 years and in the middle of it all, we have had a wonderful experience on our journey, were blessed with 2 kids, learned a great deal about service, friendships, challenges in legal/corporate worlds, the endless learnings of parenthood, love, and companionship. Its been a journey though not easy, that I constantly feel thankful for...

So this past new year's eve, after our friends departed, we had another great talk about where we were, how it all fits and where we plan on going. It was a re calibration and steady balance that we know where we need to be and will take the journey together- but also independently side by side.

To another year- an adventure, and to life ; )

The greatest moments of the week

2011-12-16T15:16:00.003-05:00

Its been a very crazy couple of weeks- traveling to Long Island, Manhattan, Boston and TX over the last month plus long working hours can keep my schedule running beyond my control. However, its really good to keep in mind a few special moments that make 30 minutes the best moment of my day. Today for example was a delightful morning where i assisted Alec in the construction of his Gingerbread (okay, graham cracker) house with the rest of the 1st graders at his school this morning.

I was ready to be 'hands off" and only helped where he needed me to, i.e. cutting up the crackers, the candy canes and sticking frosting on the marshmallows. It was fun- a collaboration made in Candy Land and it was cool to be there. (Not sure how good it will taste, but the eating is not in this case the objective I think)

This leads me to reflect on what makes us really happy inside, I've had amazing experiences at work over the past several months while our company is in the process of a culture change and has stimulated everyone to try to think outside the box. I am inspired by these changes and believe there are some very good outcomes that can and will come from it, but only if we stay focused and keep our visions in tact. So- overall when i think of work, I am on a positive and learning journey.

What makes me happiest however are moments with the family and where I personally can just be Mom and hang out with my kids. I may have a crazy schedule at work that makes me think across solutions and complex issues, but standing by the bus and waiting with my son before he goes to school, or reading to my daughter a novel at night that is more compelling than a John Grisham read are clearly the best moments that feed my heart & soul ; ) Looking forward to more...

Getting ready for ski time this winter

2011-12-11T11:43:00.005-05:00

Skiing- the ultimate active family, expensive prep, but incredibly satisfying sport...

After going on our 1st true ski vacation this January in Stowe, Vermont our family was hooked to make this a normal part of our winter routine going forward. Though I remain the most timid- I am learning to love a sport that requires you to truly let go in the moment and just enjoy. This remains a sport that is still a little scary for me personally, but when I can let go and feel the snow pass under me, and speed down the mountain, its exhilarating. ; )

So in order to prepare for this coming winter, we have checked out various options to ski 'locally' i.e. 90 minutes or less away from our house to ski during the weekends this winter.

We traveled to Camelback area yesterday to check out the base camp and took about 60 minutes to discuss various coupon options with the kind helper behind the desk. We also booked a locker...which is a long story but suffice it to say, having a private locker where you can sit and properly change into your ski boots without being pushed aside or squeezed into a tiny bench while your kids take turns sitting is essential for a comfortable ski experience. Other issues or topics? Making sure we have as many decent beginner and intermediate trails as possible; AND verifying that ski lessons are well instructed, organized and flexible. Each of these thus far were confirmed so we expect at least 5-6 trips to Camelback (or more) this winter.

My only wish that seems to be hard to satisfy- is having a ski on ski off lodge area near by that is very comfortable, and a place where snow boarders are few and far between. My only concern on this issue is that they can go very fast and while enjoying the skiing down hill, it can be quite disconcerting to have a snow boarder run right past you at high speeds. I am hoping this season has more nice snow and less of the boards!

Back in 2011

2011-12-03T16:36:00.002-05:00

Hi there bloggers- its been a while, but I have again thought and believe that I should write once more. It is a Saturday afternoon and I am about to cook some spaghetti sauce for the family- we are waiting for a potential car buyer and our pool has been recently installed in our backyard (20x40)...

Through all this, and while working a job that takes me way more hours than I'd like to admit, I find less & less time to write more than my typical Facebook entry.

But now I am making a goal to write once a week on life's path- so I can track the days as time goes so fast on love-kids-family-work and the things we learn along the way.

Looking forward to it!

its been a long time

2010-09-03T23:16:00.004-04:00

Hi blogger world- its been a long time since I have written on this Mystic Logic. I find that life has swept me up in experiences that are hard to describe especially in the Facebook world we live in. It all comes down to 3-4 sentences. Thats it. Random quotes, suggested poems, ideas and wishes are what I write now-

I wonder.

Maybe its time to write again. My life has changed a bit since last year. We came back from France and my job changed twice- in the same company but different responsibilities. I have learned so much about challenges at work- but the best thing that happened this year only happened a few months ago.

Music-

Thanks to my insightful husband, who has tried to urge me to get back into singing over the past 2 years, it finally worked. I never knew that music and singing meant so much to me- but now I do. It hard to describe how the creative side can overwhelm every other side of our mind, physicality and intellect. My spirit becomes alive- and music just happens. I sing now at least 2-3 times a week in our new 'music studio' which Pieter and I created and retrofitted our guest room (though we made a new guest room upstairs)

So whether its Dee Lite, Sarah, Alphawezen, Sade or Norah Jones- I sing and my voice and everything else gets real happy. Who knew? Oh yeah, Pieter did. : )

There is in souls a sympathy with sounds:
And as the mind is pitch'd the ear is pleased
With melting airs, or martial, brisk or grave;
Some chord in unison with what we hear
Is touch'd within us, and the heart replies.
~William Cowper

Transported to Once.

2009-09-25T23:12:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here on a Friday night, working on legal analysis for work, and have finished with a feeling that I need to hear music. Typically when I am home, i will work out (which I have done straight for the last 8 days and really needed a break); or catch some TV to chill and wind down my hectic thoughts. Tonight, I was inspired to watch the movie Once (again) and just listen to the music and to sing, in a mesmerized way connecting with the notes, the feelings and the sound. Somehow this inspires me to a place where dancing or singing out loud is expected; -where the spirit soars and music helps me get there. It is in these times where I feel I was made to sing and should do so.
I will just stay in this moment for a while, just this Once.

Remembering how to say I love you in Montmartre

2009-07-21T08:57:00.003-04:00

On Saturday, we headed to Montmartre, with Mary-Ellen the same nice woman who had taken us on the Chocolate tour on Wednesday. She was very kind to actually plan a little respite in a playground especially for the kids in the middle of our tour as well as bringing some biscuits with chocolate as a treat for them. Very thoughtful--
As soon as I walked along the stony paths-through cafes, art galleries and lovely patisseries, I felt at home. This was a place where part of the Bohemian Paris was born- a place where Toulouse Lautrec immortalized the ladies of the cabarets and where writers, singers and artists alike spent their time creating future historical spots all through the neighborhood (Van Gogh and his brother Theo, Salvatore Dali, the Egyptian Italian singer Dalida who led a famous life but ended tragically etc.) This was also the place of the lovely film Amelie--could I say more?

Of course, to top it off, our 1st site was the wall of love, a wall that had I love you written in hundreds of languages-- a welcome sign that I think is perfect! (thats the picture above!)

Upon walking through these corridors, both Pieter and I knew that of the places in Paris, this had a sense of home-calm-and spirit that we hadn’t felt as much of in any other part. Much of Paris is so stunning-light everywhere, pretty homes, gorgeous views from almost every angle, and yet the sense of home and warmth is not always present. This was a place that we could come again to- and maybe next time spend some more nights just being in the lovely part of Paris…

Following Montmartre and a salad for lunch (I tried and savor many goat cheese salads while here), we headed over to Bon Marche, the oldest department store in Paris while Carla headed on out on her own for the day back to the Salvatore Dali museum and Notre Dame.

By this time the kids were really tired and truly needed a break. So upon arriving at Bon Marche, we searched for a respite. Under a beautiful Moroccan style tent, we sipped tea and chilled for an hour, while the kids sat across from us watching Mulan on Pieter’s iPHONE (the best creation yet). That was relaxing, and probably one of the other nicest moments in Paris.

We didn’t have time to browse or shop- but for this trip, that’s okay. This was discovery for the kids’ time…and the discovery of this town was almost to an end. All that was left was 1 more day ahead, and this time, we would finally get to the Eiffel Tower.

D’Orsay and Pompidou

2009-07-20T06:42:00.004-04:00

Rather than heading to VERSAILLES due to impending rain (only a few drops came actually), we changed our tour to Musee D'orsay. Luckily, our special "context travel" tour guide Robyn knew tons of information about this place. She had studied art history, Dutch and was from the US. She was perfect, friendly, warm and really knowledgeable about the sculptures-paintings and even the building itself. It was really a joy...we had some fun notes to compare while she had mentioned she had a Dutch boyfriend once--

The highlights of the visit of the museum had to be seeing the Degas Ballet Dancer sculpture, which Bella had read about for the past 2 years in a lovely book about Degas and a story how he sculpted the ballerina-and as a special gift, she gave him the ribbon she wore. Well, the ribbon was on site, as well as many other paintings from Van Gogh, Monet, and more. I know that art can be simplistic as viewing pretty pictures but when you hear about the "why" a painting was painted, or how someone broke the 'mold' of the academics and pushed the artistic envelope- that's what is inspiring.

Alec was mostly bored during this museum visit, but Pieter and I decided that it was just fine for Alec and Bella to get bored too. Part of this trip was learning how much of Paris that we loved, could be loved by a 5 and 8 year old. The other part was learning how to deal with the comments like "I'm tired" "I'm bored" "When will we be home?" or "Can I have ice cream again?" as well as the great ones like "this is the best day of my life" or "WOWWWWWW, look at that!" and "This is the best crepe!" or "I can't wait to see our tour guide again!"

Anyway, in order to switch it up a bit, we did try to mix the cultural visits with a playground, running around activity to get them into their active happy mode too. But this day, we figured we could try to skip it and head maybe to a 2nd museum that night. We kind of learned our lesson. After crepes and a little rest, we headed towards George Pompidou, the cool museum with the escalators that go really high. At least to our kids, that was the highlight. We were hoping that since there was a Calder exhibit who specialized in performance art and creating circus animals, that the viewing would be fun for all of us.

Well, the circus was kind of cool- when you enter his exhibit, there was a 60 minute film on the artist which was a kind of documentary of Calder performing his ART. He created circus acts made of wire, cloth, springs and leather each of them performing tricks. We saw Calder himself display a wire lion jump through a hoop-a trapeze wire act—a dog riding a bike and so on. It was clear that his art combined science, math, engineering, physics and pure ingenuity. The kids were riveted, at least I thought. How did I know that at the end of the viewing of the actual wire circus acts shown in the film- they would ask for the “Real Circus” and then comment on how boring it was??

It was maybe boring to them at the time- but when you glanced at their faces when they spotted the exact wire circus pieces that they had just seen in the documentary on display--they were wowed. They are learning hundreds of things and watching new images through out every day- tasting the Paris they never knew existed. I never realized they would endure walking everyday for 5 hours without complaining- how to eat and drink not upon convenience but whenever we can- and that different art, parks and places exists and can be appreciated.

It just has not all sink in just yet...

Investigating art and a way to see the Tour Eiffel

2009-07-16T16:54:00.002-04:00

We started today with a tour of the Louvre- called Muse Clues, a tour specifically geared for Alec and Bella (okay kids in general) Anyway, our tour guide Inga, a former New Yorker who has found her more French side guided Alec and bella through their 1st Art Detective investigation.

It was a nice tour where Bella and Alec were tasked to solve 11 clues through answering questions in and around the museum. Each clue was set among different periods of history including French Medieval period, Italian Renaissance, and Mesopatamia. And, along the way they learned nuggets of art history that they will likely always remember...how and why Venus di Melo is so popular (her movement is captured in marble like no one else could do)- why De Vinci's Mona Lisa was so special (a shift in portraits from only profiles to front view--and that she follows you wherever she is and finally-that she is smiling, apparently a rare change in portraits until De vinci dared to be different) and viewing the stones of the initial foundation of the Louvre when it was a fortress in a moat built 800 years ago (that was cool for such obvious reasons). At the end, because they both were full "art detectives" that broke the code, they happily received their treasure- but only after having to request it in Francais.

After a quick recuperation at the apartment, we headed to the Eiffel Tower to view the Parisian skyline in all its beauty-- Alec screamed at delight at the possibility and Bella hopped skipped and jumped over to the Bateau-Bus boat which would be the beginning of our journey there.

Upon arriving at the Tour Eiffel, we found lines around and around and around and around and around and around loops which seemed to never end. Watching this long snake of a cue was an obvious issue for all of us, how long can we wait on this thing? Well- can you guess what we did?

We walked around it, viewed some expert soccer kids twist and move the soccer ball in ways I never knew possible-- like the parisian soccertrotters or something, anyway, that was cool. Then, we bought some souveniers at the trinket shop and then bought an ice cream.

By this time, we realized the reality of the "what do we do now" question was fully understood. We would NO WAY wait and was now looking for a way out. But Alec, poor Alec had his heart of hearts set on this journey, and asked about every possible way, every doorway (exit doors looked empty to him) and wondered whether Mommy could make a phone call and we could get in... What a resourceful and smart but not very correct son I have. Anyway, just as he began to cry, and cry and get quite upset, my daughter Isabella spotted a dual horse carriage about to depart from the Park. She told me and actually reminded me that 2 years ago (she keeps count) I promised her in Princeton NJ that we would take a carraige ride next time... but the next time never came around as it was a Winter buggy and a short season. Anyway, we all looked at each other and decided a horse buggy ride would do nicely, and Alec actually stopped tearing and got excited.

We took the ride through the 7th Arrodisement, waving at the onlookers and trying to figure a new way to see the Eiffel Tower without the long lines. Well, we enjoyed the ride, and Alec asked at least 7 different times, in 3 different ways, whether and when we could go--I had to be honest, I said I don't really know...

Speed ahead to dinner at the apartment (Pieter and I got Indonesian take out-- it was very good) and we are browsing away on the Internet seeing if there are other ways to get into this steel wire tourist trap without having the trappings of hell long waiting lines.

Found something!!! It just so happens that on Pieter's upcoming birthday, on Sunday July 19th, the restaurant on the 1st level (58 Tour Eiffel) 58 meters above ground, had an open dinner reservation at 6:30 PM for 5. It actually allows us to have a decent dinner (not too expensive, and there is a kid's menu) with ADMISSION to the 1st level of the Eiffel tower included....

So, plans have been made, we will be there, and finally our kids will view the view!!!!

Chocolate and more chocolate

2009-07-16T09:21:00.002-04:00

Day 2: A chocolate tour
This morning we took a tour through 5 decadent chocolate patisseries in Paris--some of the most amazing tastes i have ever savored. Who ever knew that single origin chocolate from Indonesia is velvety smooth, rich and melts like nothing before. What about lychee chocolate--or 3 honey chocolate--and of course praline (roasted almonds-hazelnuts and chocolate...)MMMMMMMMM. The kids enjoyed the scenery, watching a chocolate fountain, viewing shiny chocolates that have gold sprinkling- and the prettiest designs and shapes (hearts, a high heeled shoe, tour eiffel etc.)

All the places were presented to us from a lovely tour guide that is from Minnesota who has lived in France for 17 years; her insight and history of the chocolate itself was kind of riveting for me (never knew real chocolate was made by hand...machines can only dilute the stuff but not really remove it from the cacao beans) Anyway, the kids kind of lost interest at this point, but it was great to hear about how much work goes into the chocolate itself (What a God given treat...) However, at the same time, it is ironic how far away the typical market brands are from the original. I do somewhat see a movement towards a more sophisticated palate in the direction of the pure chocolate I tasted (a la Whole Foods, organic, etc), but i am not sure Halloween candy will ever match the good stuff.

Dinner notes
So tonight we were able to have our Mom in law babysit the kids while Pieter and I stepped out into Quartier Latin for some dinner. I tried to research a restaurant that had some international flavor but was not crazy in price. Mind you, this was difficult since many of the top reviewed places have a sort of gastronomy type menus...(how does 400 Euros sound per person????) So instead, we went to Ze Kitchen Galerie..an art gallery/southeast Asian inspired french cuisine close by to where we are staying. Let me 1st say, next time I think I should take the hint, that when you enter a crowded restaurant with lovely people--receive menus that do not have any familiar dishes, and get unlimited olives which Pieter and I do NOT enjoy--we should leave. I tasted a few good things at the restaurant, but honestly? It was not really southeast Asian influenced, except for a piece of coriander and lemon grass on the plate I was eating from. Not really cool, and frankly we would have rather gone to the near by creperie or bistro for a burger. But have you ever sat in a crowded place and been served immediately and then just walked out?? Well, next time we find that situation, we just might.

Anyway, after our -not outstanding but oh well-dinner, we walked around and talked about all the places that we have been (St Petersburg, Finland, UK, Holland, Colorado, NY etc) and realized that the entire world is filled with so many views, pleasures and beauty- but the most important thing is your sense of how much you (in the sense of the spirit) feels at home.

Until the next adventure!

Journal of Paris vacation: 1

2009-07-14T18:19:00.007-04:00

I am finally on holiday!! Two weeks of Europe with the family; with the 1st week in Paris. The next couple of posts will be a journal of our trip...vive la France!

Day 1: Walking through the scenes of Paris

La Duree Breakfast on Quartorze Juillet...
Who knew that on the morning we had breakfast reservations at the famous La Duree on the Champs Elysee--we would be unable to savor the lovely desserts since the entire Champs Elysee was crowded and full of parade watchers for the Quartorze Juillet Parade... So we bought some crosissants, yogurt and pain chocolat at a nearby bakery and ate on the street while watching the military planes ahead fly by...what an experience. I heard later that there were about 1 Million people watching with us.

Tour Eiffel
Following our breakfast, we decided to check out the Tour Eiffel at the Trocadero. Although a great view, the vendors are everywhere selling tour eiffel trinkets by the dozen (1 euro for 3 towers etc.) I didnt mind this until someone placed 3 mini eiffel towers in Alec's little hand. Bad sales behavior in my book. No sale. Anyway, we moved on to get some drinks and rest our tired feet (we already walked at least 2 hours already the 1st morning.) We then took a Bateau Bus which is a tour bus on the water where you can hop on and hop off at various attractions along the Seine. It was nice, but kids can only take about the 1st 10 minutes, at the 40th it was more like (are we there yet????) We hopped off and walked the rest of the way to our hotel.

Dinner was at the Creperie and was very nice (tasted not as good as Pieter's pancakes but very tasty and nice atmosphere, and the best part it is 90 seconds away from our hotel) We savored the crepes avec sucre, et framboise... yum.

Jardin du Luxembourg
After dinner, we went through the Metro to a well reviewed park in one of the many 'kid-guide' books I bought on Paris. So this garden supposedly has a great playground and perfect spot for kids. Upon getting to the garden, after trekking through the ponds, forest and paths, we found an enclosed playground hideaway.

It was lovely, full of slides, rides, rope climbing and cool stuff, but but NOOOO!!! It was closed! It was only 8:45 PM so it was not dark, but apparently at 7 PM, this little play haven is locked up. (there is also a 3Euro charge to get in for adults and kids so they officially lock it up with gates.

Ah, tant pis. But heaven awaits, since on the way out of the park, we bumped into Amore one of the best gelato places in Paris, where their scoops are designed in a shape of a flower, so yummy and so pretty at the same time (a metaphor for the city i think). Anyway, we were happily digesting our cornets (cone in francais) when we stopped for tea before the big firework display.

Tea at Cafe Dauphine.
To prep for our firework viewing (at 11 PM at night) we decided to pass some time drinking tea and juices at Cafe Dauphine (never mind the 6.50 a cup for tea) This was a better place than we thought since we were able to wind down, drink tea, and prep the kids for a little wait before we actually see the big splash in the sky. (Mommy note: I bumped into a nice American in the bathroom who was also breast-pumping at the same time. I had to empathize with her, since that was me only 5 years ago. and how I can recall the days of inconvenient but worthwhile sacrifices we continue to go through for our kids.)

Fireworks!!!
Wow, we got a seat on the bridge next to the Place de la Concorde and sat among Japoneese, German, Dutch, French and more, all waiting for the celebration to begin. It took about 35 minutes before we saw the lights in the sky... The Tour Eiffel was basking in the light and we enjoyed every boom, splash, and glitter across the horizon. Alec got the best view on top of Pieter's shoulders and Bella and I tried to get a view through the street between the people. We decided about 20 minutes into the celebration to walk to the Metro to go home. The kids were absolutely tired. The coolest thing? While we walking, since the fireworks were just about getting done, but not yet completely finished, everyone, the cars, the people, the streets were FROZEN watching it all. While we walked back it was surreal, the Ruiters walking through Paris frozen in time on Bastille Day. A perfect way to end our 1st day...

Arguing for the rights of 7 Baha'is

2009-03-13T09:44:00.005-04:00

In 1994 I had the pleasure and honor of working at the Baha'i International Community as an intern for the Main Representative of this NGO to the United Nations. I will never forget that summer, as it was my first true exposure to fighting for human rights on behalf of Baha'is who were being systematically persecuted by the Government of Iran. As an intern, I learned how advocating on behalf of the Baha'is on the world stage is essential and necessary to improve the conditions of their rights, and moreover, create a platform to voice the injustices and continued violations of human rights by the Iranian Government. Unfortunately as yet, the violations have continued and now, recent events have placed this issue once again on the world stage.

7 Bahai's were arrested and imprisoned in Spring of 2008 due to incredulous unfounded allegations, including spying for Israel and propaganda against Islam etc. The trial is ongoing and the allegations are being bravely fought by the first Iranian awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Shirin Abadi.

Being raised Muslim, I can tell you personally that it infuriates me that these allegations and actions could be made against these Baha'is, ranging in age from 35 to 75, with occupations including an educator, engineer, school principal, factory owner, social worker and optometrist. Anyone that knows any facts about the Baha'i Faith knows that it is a religion that has no tolerance for disunity, political scheming or any such crimes as described which they are clearly fabricating. Rather, it represents ideals and vision that necessitates mutual respect, obedience to government and acknowledgement that all religions, including Islam are part of one greater plan of one God and as a result are invaluable and necessary for continuing evolving progress of the human race. Furthermore, the organization of Baha'is are created to promote these ideas, support global community development and encourage everyone to see everyone else as part of one human family. Despite this however, there is a legal authority in Iran that sees these Baha'is and their organization as a threat.

The Baha'i International Community, the same NGO that I worked for 15 years ago, issued a letter to the Prosecutor of the Iranian court that articulates in eloquent detail, the reasons that these allegations are false. It provides an outline of the history of the violations of human rights against the Bahai's over the years and argues persuasively that the judiciary must take into consideration these facts and judge fairly. I have attached the link and urge you to read this.

If you want to help bring attention to these issues, please write your Congressman to support a bill currently on the House and Senate floor (Senate. Res. 71, House. Res. 175) condemning the Government of Iran for its continued state-support persecution of the Baha'i religious minority.

As a Baha'i and lawyer, I thank you for listening.

“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” --Robert Kennedy

From winter to spring

2009-03-09T12:41:00.007-04:00

As the snow melted over this weekend, and the weather went from chilly 17 degrees to a warm 60 practically overnight, I was reminded of a few fun things we did over the last few months, and how time flies right by from winter into spring.

1) Bella and Alec found a cocooned caterpillar and built a lovely stick-leaf-rock-grass house so when it emerges the Butterfly will be greeted with a welcome.

2) As a Baha'i, the celebration of Ayyam-i-Ha takes place prior to the 19 days of fasting (which is currently underway). For this year's holiday, apart from the fun presents that Pieter and I gave to Alec and Bella, I presented a lesson to Bella's 2nd grade classroom on what it means to be a Baha'i; and how we celebrate this time of year. It was fun and I was amazed at how many kids could really understand that the concept of unity of religion, and that there are always religious teachers over time. They each even read a few quotes from various writings of Buddha, Islam, Judaism, Christianity and Baha'i.

3) Thanks to a really nice work appreciation award, our family was invited to go to Puerto Rico for 4 days, and I saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen (see above). Since there were about 7 pools to choose from, we had our choices of slides, lazy rivers and swimming adventures. Isabella commented that after sliding down crazy long water slides, that it was the best day of her whole life. We also heard a bit more salsa music than we probably ever wanted, but it was a really nice experience (Alec's fevers and non-stop vomiting during 2 nights was the only bummer).

4) I went ice-skating on a home made ice rink that my husband rigged in our back patio. It was actually amazing fun. This was especially because Pieter, who can ice-skate circles around me (literally) held my hand and guided me as I slowly learned how to glide. Plus, Isabella is visibly a great potential figure skater in the making.

5) Determined to not give up my gardening skills all together--I am currently re-assessing my veggie garden skills and will attempt to plant leeks-broccolis-tomatoes, lettuce (the arugula kind) and onions despite my fears, hesitation and suspicion that the deer, bunnies and squirrel are waiting for me to plant their upcoming dinners.

6) I am currently in a book-study circle using the Ruhi Collaborative Book series. As part of the Baha'i outreach efforts, there is a great cycle of books where a few friends decide to engage on studying Baha'i writings together and learn how to apply spiritual principles to your daily life; whether as a student, mother, worker etc. One of the coolest things that happened over this past winter is that I was part of a group that completed Book 1 (Reflections of Life of the Spirit) with 2 of my good friends. We are now embarking on completing Book 4 (the Twin Manifestations) which describes in great story-telling ways how the Baha'i Faith began. There is nothing more intriguing or inspiring that seeing a friend unaware of certain ideas, discover practical answers to life's big questions. I am psyched and excited about this, and hope to reveal more later in the coming months.

In any event, I will post more soon, and will have some cool news to share about the SOUL PANCAKE!!!!

New Angels

2008-12-20T11:09:00.006-05:00

Days go by so quickly, but once in a while, the clock stops, and you find out that out of the blue, someone you love and care for suddenly passes away from this world.

At those moments, I am struck by my memories and am in wonder whether I could have pushed the time a little further back to share another minute, a conversation or hug with people we love. Its ironic that the people we miss the most are those who gave so much of themselves in life.

Perhaps that is what it is all about...

"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

KHALIL GIBRAN

Marches in Mumbai

2008-12-03T21:23:00.005-05:00

I was struck today listening to NPR's report of marches in Mumbai, how thousands of people flooded the streets marching in solidarity against the bombing attacks last week, some calling out for war, for peace, for justice by the government, mourning over relatives, and anger against Pakistan, and anger at the security forces that did not do enough to prevent this tragedy from happening.

As i heard the news, a strange sense of culture rooted me into the story. As if I was pulled into this chapter of current events and felt deep concerns about the issues that the news report focused on. I felt deeply connected to my background.

My family is from Pakistan.

While the reporter continued his story, I could see the faces, sense the feelings of outrage and hurt, and could fathom the loss of life in an instant of a loved one unfairly. Their voices were angry, passionate, determined and demanding justice. Somehow the sound of their cries were heard, and I felt sorry, sad and unsure what I should do.

My Father risked his life as a 13 year old boy as he traveled by train with millions of others when he left India during the partition. He was hiding in a basket, witnessed many atrocities that I never asked him about, and then he life in Pakistan began.

Amazing, how many thousands of miles away we are, back to the present, that when I first heard foggy details about the killings in Mumbai, I was at my sister's in Upstate NY, enjoying thanksgiving, and learning a to play Apples to Apples and laughing together about how many arguments we could create around words.

Whenever people ask me where I am from, I say I am an American with Pakistani Parents, not a Pakistani born in America

And yet, now I feel connected to them, that part of the world. Is this because the sound of the injustice from the voices rang so true to me, or because I was connected to their pain, connected to their hurt and want so much to help fix it. Everyone should fix it. I even thought up a campaign for all Pakistanis around the world to wear the Indian national colors in solidarity with their loss (White Saffron and Green anyone?).

Armed

2008-11-14T21:20:00.003-05:00

There have been SO MUCH that has happened over the last few months, a new President, new potential for the United States and for people to see each other through the eyes of hope and unity, rather than through apathy, fear and prejudice. How wonderful it is to be inspired again!!

At the same time, I cannot forget that there are so many people, some whom i know personally who are suffering from a loss, are ill beyond repair, missing a friend and who cannot see the bright side of tomorrow. For everyone, and for me, when times get difficult, we have to remember that no matter what, there is always hope, and always a way back.

"Armed with the power of Thy name nothing can ever hurt me, and with Thy love in my heart all the world’s afflictions can in no wise alarm me ..."

Watch this video by Devon Gundry, "Armed". May it touch your heart.

http://vimeo.com/2228238

My lesson

2008-09-07T14:41:00.003-04:00

This summer has swept by so fast...The biggest event was our 2 week visit to Holland. It was a vacation that I will never forget, partly because of introducing Europe to our kids, but also because of the friends and family we connected with.

During the 1st week, we attended a Baha'i Summer School at the Depoort Conference Center; which was filled with seeing old friends, many of whom we hadn't seen for a decade. Over coffees, dinners, and by the campsite, we connected and reignited the amazing friendships we remembered. We also found new shared experiences in our common futures, with family, lifestyles and balance. The close experience of true friendship blew me away.

It was unique, remarkable and so unexpected.

The 2nd week was a continuation and combined visits to older places, where Pieter grew up and visiting places he had been to as a child, having lots of fun and spending some time with family.

Once we got home, we found that a couple of ideas were born from this trip. Some of them acknowledging that perhaps we would find a stronger sense of home in Europe; and others inspiring a re-think on priorities and ensuring that we let the most important aspects of life take center stage.

Either way, it brought us to the realization that there is much fruit to bear and many more things to learn. The direction is unclear, but the journey has begun...

I wanted to end this blog entry with a poem, and message to my friends who I had the great honor of seeing, with whom I shared moments that I will not soon forget. To all of them, I miss you, until the next time. : )

_______________

Friendship

And a youth said, 'Speak to us of Friendship.'

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the 'nay' in your own mind, nor do you withhold the 'ay.'

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

-Kahlil Gibran
____________

Washington, and the path ahead

2008-07-06T20:55:00.006-04:00

I have been WAY to busy to write down even a little of what has happened this summer. But I have to just stop and write before this summer passes me by. We have done so many things already (including Blueberry picking, visiting NY, bowling etc.) but I will start at the beginning and will write more later about the rest (soon).

First, I should mention Washington, the place I go almost every week for work. Lots of folks (especially from work) could not believe this was the venue that Pieter and I would decide to visit for a 2 day get-away. However, much to my surprise, we discovered some of America's amazing treasures. (That sounds so cliche doesn't it?) I was suprised to realize that this country was formed by individuals who retained absolutely groundbreaking ideals and were led by principles of justice, freedom and equity trying to form this nation into its own story, broken from the past of the British Empire.

The prologue was on display at our first stop: The Library of Congress. (for more info on this place, go to the link above)

From seeing the actual books from Thomas Jefferson's library (which I should mention was really a treat as the collection mapped closely to Pieter's own collection) , to the redlined drafts of the Declaration of Independence, I was blown away from what I heard and saw. Although I expected that the multi-media presentation (from gliding screens of text, to movie and visual presentations; and tours etc.) would be helpful, I had no idea how objectively presented the history was displayed.

Right next to the drafts of the Declaration of Independence, and letters displayed in cases (among our founders) that a 2 party system was simply a horrible idea due to the division etc., there were short movie clips depicting various aspects of our history. Yet instead of patriotic symbolic movies, it actually contained realistic portrayals of times in our country when the principles of our nation were in conflict with its actions. Women's rights, treatment of blacks, the civil rights movement, treatment of the Japanese during World War 2, McCarthyism, times when our nation was frankly not proud and tall but had much to learn. It was refreshing to see such unbiased chapters of our story open and on display for the world to see.

The awe of the building, the architecture, the stories given by the tour guides were memorable and uncanny. In order to carve the staircase into little angels (16 or so) illustrating various types labor in the US at the time, the carver actually carved the marble right there out of a huge slab right in the Library of Congress, I forgot how many years it took, but it was stunning, and the carvings were amazing.

All of this was captured in this National Library of Congress, a place that our Government can access and read about any area of knowledge they wish (13 stories of books by the way!!)

We also saw the Holocaust Memorial and the Native American Museum, both affecting us very deeply and touched our hearts based on the history which we knew, but often don't remember on a daily basis. I was very glad to see both places, and frankly it made me pensive about much of where the world is heading, due to the similarity of the extremism that we witnessed as a world only half a century ago, could repeat itself again and again unless we engage in a different more enlightened path. The images I saw, and the facts that I learned are hard to recount on a blog, and does not really give the history its attention that it deserves. I will say however, that it seems we are running out of rope to repeat history too many more times.

It reminds me of what I felt at the Library of Congress, seeing how fresh idealism and perseverance helped form this country, and how tenacity set new ground for a nation built on principles unlike many around the world. It was not easy, and certainly could not have been certain. I wonder if they were here today, and were trying to figure out the issues around the world, where they would go; how they would think. Perhaps the good of the world, rather than nation? Imagine that.

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom."
Thomas Jefferson

"My first wish is to see this plague of mankind, war, banished from the earth."
George Washington

"We hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable, that all men are created equal and independent, that from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable, among which are the preservation of life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Thomas Jefferson

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T22:27:00.003-04:00

The concept of Mother's Day is only just starting to "set in". Despite having a 7 year old daughter, giving me 7 years to get used to this idea, I usually still think about my Mom and picture our brunches we used to have when I was growing up; and the tea or breakfast I would try to make for her when she awoke. It meant a day to say thanks, and have some nice celebration...

As for myself, I am learning slowing about how this day through my kid's eyes and not my own.

This morning, I got up to my daughter handing me a lovely poster that had designs all over and read "MOM" she also wrote a note saying happy mothers day. My son had already given me a special plant that he made during school two days ago. (I have to back track since for most of last week I was away on a business trip; and thus could not spend the "Mothers Day Tea" with Alec at his school on Friday morning.)

Back to today, my son was still kind of confused that his school's Mothers Day Tea was spent with my Mom, instead of me so he was not sure why Bella was saying Happy Mothers day; but he obliged and gave me a hug anyways.

After breakfast in our library, we went about our normal day, hangin outside, gardening, weeding, enjoying coffee in the sun and munching some yummy snacks that was partially due to some wonderful gifts friends from Holland brought over (winegums, stroopwaffels...) and homemade banana cardamom bread. We also wished Happy Mom Day to the other mothers in our family, (Oma & Pumpkin, we love you!!)

Towards the end of the day after a not so cool cooking experiment (homemade wheat pasta was GREAT; but no one but me loves a fresh cherry tomatoes pasta toss) I gave the kids a shower, got them ready for bed and checked Isabella's folder from school to clean it out for Monday...

I found a lovely, surprising project she had worked on; which really made me pause and basically stopped me in my tracks.

Her project was to fill in some blanks at school regarding her Mom. Much of what she wrote was so different that I would have anticipated; yet at the same time, it was so Isabella. More importantly, and perhaps surprisingly, it made me realize how she may see me.

It made me understand more about today; its not about the brunches, dinners, or flowers etc. it is about the art of Mom, the love we receive and appreciating that amazing bond between parents and children.

To all moms, hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day!

Upcoming "family" trip!

2008-04-28T23:59:00.008-04:00

I love travel, and Pieter and I enjoyed flying to France, Holland, Belgium, Colorado, NY city, Israel, Boston and more before we had kids. After kids, well its rather obvious our flying legs took a break in exchange for family wings. Luckily, we were able to fly out to Paris and cruise along the Baltic Sea last summer, but both trips without the company of our two favorite people.

Instead of traveling out of town, we transform our evenings and weekends into family activities like gardening, hiking, walking through Princeton, grocery shopping, steam train riding and even heading to Manhattan (have not done yet but will this summer). As the kids grow older (4 and 7) we can slowly expand our wings into places and time that can span oceans, visiting family and finally taking a plane.

This summer we are all traveling to the Netherlands, for 2 weeks...an entire 2 weeks... an entire 2 weeks. Sorry, this repeat is only a symptom of my inability to believe this reality. Ordinarily, I only take 2-3 days of vacation at a time due to my hectic schedule at work (and my workaholic nature). Yet this time, we are doing it, and I can't wait...my kids are so excited about the plane, and Alec keeps "Are we taking a plane? Please take me on a plane, with Mommy, Daddy and Isabella"; while Isabella reminds us that when we take the plane (which she yells for joy each time) her and her brother will have to ride with an adult while the plane takes off to be safe (she is really conscientious, even her teacher told us so).

In some ways, this trip is a long overdue, since every year we have as a family mentioned a possibility to go to Holland but have never felt is was quite yet right, both due to the ages of Bella and Alec, and also cost for 4 tickets is not too cheap these days. But this year, and ironically even due to my constant business travel, everything has come together.

Traveling for work can sometimes mean my time is very limited and I hardly think of "time off" for myself. And yet, because every trip is usually associated with some reward point system, I accumulate tons of potential rewards. This summer, they have become a wonderful gift for our family.

Besides getting 2 Continental round trip tickets to the Netherlands in mid July mostly from points, Pieter and I will be taking a short trip to DC courtesy of my Hyatt and Amtrak rewards...finally I can see this town from outside the office and can go to the Spy museum! : )

Anyway, can't wait for these trips to happen, and to finally share some long overdue time with our dear friends and family across the ocean in Holland. (Oma, here we come!!!!!!)

Leuk, eh?? (Dutch for cool)

Once

2008-03-13T00:34:00.004-04:00

Sometimes, it is important to get inspired by music, art, creativity and love. Over the past few weeks, I have had very close friends (2) who have lost their father and my heart goes out to them. It is not easy losing someone even though the journey for that special soul may have only just continued to another place. Missing a person never stops; as I can certainly relate. Tonight as I was arriving from one of my weekly trips from DC, I was reminded of my Dad.

It wasn't expected, as I was kind of exhausted after a long train ride from DC. But as I left the train to get to my car late at night, I felt the fresh black air which helped to wake me up a bit. I was happily surprised to see so many folks at the station late at night (as I was worried a bit for my safety). Anyway, I got in my car and hooked up my IPOD to listen to my favorite soundtrack "ONCE" which always raises my heart's senses. (Leave is an incredible track...)

After departing the "Metropark" station, I drove past the Garden State Parkway exit that I needed to take; but luckily, due to my handy "TOM TOM" I then was instructed to turn into an alternative road towards my town.

I ended up being on a special road, which actually relates to my Dad. 30 odd years ago, my father, James Gill (American version of Tajammul) worked as a civil engineer in Central Jersey. As the story goes, one of the roads he helped designed was not assigned any particular name. As a result, they named it after my Dad's last name "Gill" Lane; why not? The engineer could get some credit too : )

So here I was driving and my Dad's name was flashing on my TOM TOM. It was a surreal experience, as my thoughts began to veer into my memories of him of our good times and difficult ones. The Once soundtrack kept on playing (Falling Slowly & When Your Mind is Made Up) and I was reminded of so many things about my youth, my experiences growing up and how many things I didn't know; and hadn't asked my Dad about.

Some things I wish I could have shared with him, if only I could turn back the clock and speak to him about some choices, ideas and perspectives that a young girl at my age could never have known. If I did know, it could have (maybe) helped at the time.

Anyway, reflecting over this was good and has kept me up for another hour (past Midnight) before an early work day.

It is (very) late but somehow I wanted to just share this moment and to be reminded that people we have loved don't ever really fade from our hearts, no matter how much time goes by, as long as we continue to remember. And, although it still hurts to miss my Dad, there is a sense of peace that arises that he somehow hears me and knows.

Peace. Check out ONCE on http://www.myspace.com/oncesoundtrack

Plato was right

2008-03-11T20:24:00.002-04:00

“Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens”

Reading about the scandal that hit the NY Times, I wonder how a former Attorney General who fought for justice (famously) on behalf of NY State could fall so fast from his pedestal for a reason I cannot understand, empathize or fathom in the slightest.

Justice and honesty are not merely background apparitions that we somehow relate to; but should instead be principles that are the driving force behind our actions. This is particularly true with respect to those invidividuals who represent many from the perspective and actions of one.

Truth is not a flimsy value, nor a detachable amenity. It is instead a self-evident characteristic, that I would argue, has to be practiced, struggled with and endured. Understanding truth and thereby implementing justice by weighing the "right" and the "wrong" is an essential trait that any of us should continue to aspire to. Whether guided by religion, family tradition, stories or myths, each person has the capacity to reach this threshold and to distinguish from truth and error.

If that individual is then called upon the function, to perform duties on behalf of others, to represent the interest of thousands of people who rely on them and depend on that persons' judgment, then the qualities of that person's character should uphold these principles as their guide.

It is sad when this does not happen, and as reality sets in this is often the case.

Maybe, just maybe, authenticity and honesty is becoming recognizable as something we like, appreciate and crave. There is a sense that our expectations on politics and government is changing. If so, then perhaps this cynical reality of today will change and we will learn by example rather than empty words.

"Yes We Can"

2008-02-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

Woah, check out the url: www.yeswecansong.com.

This is a music video by the singer from Black Eyed Peas based on a recent speech by Barack Obama. It just seems to be light upon light. The story on how it was developed is on http://www.abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=4231523&page=1

Enjoy and get ready to be inspired.

Memories old and new

2008-01-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is Isabella's 7th birthday. We have decided to actually have the celebration at our home, old-style, retro without the rented space, huge activities and 2 hours of fun filled contrived amazement. Instead, we opted to host our own party, with games and activities, for both the kids AND the adults. It will be more like a family get together with a few friends joining in. As part of the events, we are going to have Face painting (to take place in our library as folks are arriving) followed by a game with the parents of Musical Chairs. Because we will be using Bella's favorite music, the tunes we will be running seeking a seat will have to be Belle & Sebastian; U2 and the Police. (She has really cool taste)

Anyways, in between the rounds, we will have questions which are derived from a family--kid activity game that will pose questions about favorite vacations, making funny poems, and hearing about what everyone's favorite child memory was.

After we will have the kids put on a puppet show, eat homemade Pizza by Pieter (the best US & Holland) and enjoy a chocolate home made cake with chocolate whipped cream in between covered with ganache. (just finished trying the whipped cream, only too good)

I am looking forward to her day; partly because it is so home-grown grass roots kinda thing, and partly because it just is her 7th birthday. She has grown so much, and I still remember the moments (48 hours of it) as I delivered this little girl into the world. She was staring wide open at everything around her; and she didnt cry one bit. Her perception of the world is much like the picture she created posted above. Full of color, energy, life and creativity. She is an amazing daughter and I am so happy (wining notwithstanding) on how she has turned out.

Anyways, this week was also the 15th year after my Father's departure from this earthly part of the world. I thought of him often and can't help but to think that he was somehow part of this newly planned celebration for tomorrow. I know he will be there with open arms, smiling as he always did and happy about the joy, love and fun that we will be having.

Der Kommissar

2007-12-19T20:19:00.000-05:00

There are few things that I enjoy more than listening to a great piece of music from the 80's reveling in the synergy of new wave, synthetic pop sang by my favorite Euro-Hip artists. Love it!!

Anyway, lately I have actually HAD the time to connect back to my music, friends, time with family and even some cooking. After a whirlwind of over a year of hectic traveling, running around to east coast, from DC, to NY to DC to Long Island, to DC, Atlanta, NY, DC etc. I have finally found a balance that I can live with. Namely, less traveling, more home time and actually pacing myself MUCH better.

This does not mean that "work" is actually any less, nor did I actually change anything specific in my job role; but instead it means I took balance seriously and looked at my life HARD CORE. I simply realized that the only person to take the reigns was me; and you know what? Everything is better (with less travel too). Late nights aside, my time management is getting more aligned to what I want my life to be; rather than live through constant reaction of several issues at once.

Finally, my dearest friend and soulmate can actually focus on his creative gift and write... Finally I can play with my kids during the weeknights, and weekends. Finally...I caught up on watching some Project Runway (just 1 nights worth but it was fun) Finally...I am listening to more music, reading, and getting back to seeing more friends.

Perhaps I'll even have a chance to write more (well, I won't go that far, but who knows?) Hopefully it will last a while...for now, I'll savor the moments and look forward to a long awaited holiday with family.

thanksgiving

2007-11-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is a holiday that I don't always know what to expect; especially since the family traditions kind of faded when my Father passed away and our big dinners have become occasional at best. New families and mingling traditions make the event that was once your own and so familiar, confusing based on which family's, inlaws, etc. one attends; or hosts or passes up for another year. Through all the shuffling, the constant is the menu, which then sustains a tradition in culinary form; with scents and smells of sage, turkey and maybe even chestnuts that 1 day a year.

The food becomes the centerpiece, and for us we made sure not to rush and think through the details. We planned for a few weeks reviewing various copies of Cooking light for the best side dishes; and thankfully left the turkey prep to Whole Foods and ordered some desserts (Pumpkin cheesecake from Neiman Marcus anyone? there is still some left in our fridge).

Isabella was looking forward to not only a Turkey, but a cornucopia in the center of our table (which we did create after her suggestion with holly from our trees, and mandarins adding color to the table). Our humble version was not too impressive for her but she was content (and she mentioned ketchup with turkey, oh well a new generation of foodies are arriving). Alec kept on mentioning pumpkin pie every day for about 10 days; so finally I made one; for the 1st time. He loved the whipped cream; but didn't touch the filling. Oh well, it may be better as an idea than an actual tasty dessert (who started this squash pie tradition anyway?).

The day itself was nice; full with great conversation, reacquainting ourselves with family we hadn't seen in a long time (including hearing about my cousin's high school trip to Cambodia as a UN East West initiative). We relaxed, talked, ate, ate and ate.

Apart from the family stuff; eating etc, it seems timely that being thankful and reflecting on those things we have, adds to the authenticity of this holiday so I will make note of a few things that come to mind:

1) I am thankful that Pieter and I played Monopoly with Isabella the 1st time ever yesterday afternoon; and she wiped us clean!!!

2) I am thankful that my Mom travels every other week to see Alec and Bella and has been since they were born; giving them a side I never had; and learning about the people they become.

3) I am thankful that I finally acquainted myself with our garden, a chore 4 years later than it should have been, but at least now I know I can do it (which I was very doubtful) I actually like it (shocker) and I am a better person for the experience is has taught me.

4) I am thankful that my son gives me kisses each night, one on my nose and on my cheek; and reminds me that he likes me just about every day.

5) I am thankful that Pieter and I had a wonderful, incredible trip to Paris this year and that we will now make sure we won't let too much time go by before our next one.

6) I am thankful that my job is incredibly challenging and rewarding, especially when it comes down to the people factor; never did I find individuals that are so trustworthy, dependable and quite amazing to be around.

7) I am thankful for the friendships I have that have sustained the test of time, distance and consequences which change; but yet have no effect on the love and laughter that still comes easy.

8) I am thankful for my Mom-in law Carla who I miss much and wish to see more but is finding her path hopefully new and exciting across the world in her home country of Holland.

9) I am thankful to my children that bring me laughter, joy, wonderment and frustration (only sometimes) on a daily basis.

10) I am thankful, incredibly so for my husband, the anchor of my hectic life and inspiring soul that never ceases to amaze me (or challenge me).

Last, I am thankful that I have learned much this year about myself, including my limitations, learning about pushing beyond my limits, and just thinking differently about things...including learning to be thankful.

Peace out. (if you click on the title; you will see pictures from Flickr)

Climbing the ladder too high

2007-10-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

Is there such a thing as climbing a ladder "too" high? In the corporate analogies we use, there is typically a drive to go "up" the ladder and find the highest peak from which we can reach our potential, find challenges, get paid well and exist in a rewarding place.

I wonder if this climbing needs to paced slower than natural, that is to say, how and when should we control or slow this down, or are we drawn by necessity to continue up until there is no other place to go?

Family comes as a huge responsibility, and frankly high priority in today's world. If we take view of what this world is (vs 20 years ago), we are now a global marketplace where despite our access to information, communication and knowledge, many children are left without guidance or enough love and patience to deal with today's harsh reality.

Remember (or not) the simplicity of playing outside until dinner; the closeness of neighbors; familiarity with teachers that remain at the same school for generations; the security of building roots in a community etc just doesn't seem to be present in our insanely paced reality of 2007. As a result,we have to evaluate our role as parents in a new light.

Are we there enough, really? Do we spend enough time reading their bedtime stories, or do we skip pages? Do we look into their eyes and hear what they are saying, for that one moment in time where a smile can light up the entire room; or do we look down at our Blackberry and fail to hear their call for attention...

Reality can be hard, but its all good. It only gets us closer to our true path.

For me, that means questioning my overall time, and how I spend my hours both in work and at home. As an employee,my responsibilities continue 24 hours a day, weekends or holidays notwithstanding. Yet, there are at least 15,000 other people helping the company get where it needs to go, maybe not in the same capacity, but they are all helping with their part. Plus, no one but no one except for ME will ever help me keep myself balanced at work. I need to be my best advocate. I know I am good at advocating for others, that much is clear. Now the real test begins.

Whereas, I have Isabella and Alec, 2 lovely souls who bring utter joy and happiness 24 hours a day till forever who are being cared for by me and Pieter, the two of us. We together, serve not only as helpmates to each other (which also needs it wonderful time to nurture) we serve as role models, friends, teachers, disciplinarians, spiritual mentors every single day, for at least the next 12 years.

Given this reality, how can we fail to meet our mark with such a high level of responsibility? The essence is we don't fail, we try, we strive, we persevere and continue the path.

However, one extra step is needed, and that is to remind ourselves (me that is) that weighing the time considerations that are less and less for me, I have to take stock. I will add a few more hours, a few more days, more time, more minutes to wherever I can because I have to. So if I travel, I will also remember to take stock again and when necessary to give back to my own time, with my kids, my husband and myself. They are the most important people in my life; and frankly no matter how important or interesting my job may become, I am here for many reasons on this Earth and I am sure keeping a balanced life is part of the overall plan.

Finding seekers of the same light

2007-09-15T23:35:00.000-04:00

For the last 14 years or so, I have been captured by a certain someone who is not only my best friend, but an inspiring poet, stalwart friend, and a incredibly talented teacher to Isabella & Alec.

Notwithstanding his qualities however, which are obvious to me, since I live with him, it is not always obvious to others. I find it sometimes difficult to explain that he writes eloquently and precisely, has a overarching vision that perceives humanity's greatness, and at the same time can construct a modern/euro kitchen with his bare hands, and play piano calmly but sweetly when no one is listening or so he thinks.

It is particularly frustrating when others identify him in relation to money, in dollars. I am even more squeamish when I get referred to as the "breadwinner" as if a prize has been won, and it is I who possess this bounty...ugh.

For the last 6 years, we have allocated the "funding" of the household to a simple formula. Instead of us both working 50-80 hours a week, and having little or no presence at our home for our children as they progressed from infancy towards children-hood we decided to keep the one with more flexibility at home. This enables an ideal path where we both seek to fulfill our goals within a structure that is elastic enough to enable full extension of our wings when possible.

As a result, I have been working at a company that has challenged me considerably requiring travel,long working hours and at times exciting perks (cruise to the Baltic Sea and US Open tickets to name a few). Though exhausted at times, I love what I do, feel incredibly blessed by this opportunity and feel very deeply that it is a good path so with support and incredible encouragement I remain steadfast and patient to see where it takes us.

He is writing a novel and his focus and determination is crystal clear; the only process to complete has already begun; so there is no turning back as long as our hopes remain high and faith is held strong, between the 2 of us, within and without. The research and development stages of the blueprints and planning have been laid, it is only the visual connecting of the points through the words that remain.

As we get ready for this exciting cornerstone to be forged, we are getting some little details taken care of on the homefront. Reshuffling our home and getting rid of older unused nic-naks that only cluttered our home. Likewise, we are finding books and subjects we refrained from enjoying since they were scattered without order on a random bookshelf.

It was in this reclaiming of order where I came across a book of poems, Gitanjali, by Rabindranath Tagore that retained an obvious familiarity that really surprised me. Although he is not someone modern and a century away, across the other side of world, I finally can say that there is another soul that resonates a similar tone towards truth and vision with the same person that I have become so familiar with over this past decade 1/2, it was if I was reading from the same passages within a century between them. (See for example passage 78 and compare with poetry found on indigored.com)

It made me think that maybe the light that passes between us or with us is timeless, and although many in our frenetic paced world cant always see it, it is there, eternal, endless and radiant to those who can.

Moving forward

2007-08-31T14:50:00.000-04:00

After arriving last night from my conference organizing in NY city, I was relieved, pretty exhausted and just ready to take my day off.

Its been thus far amazing.

Apart from being floored by Pieter's love and surprises on my birthday, (the collage of Paris posted on this blog was actual 24 by 36 and is now hanging in my kitchen; not to mention he framed 4 other paintings and prints and got me a TOM TOM gps system so I never get lost again)

This morning, among my presents laid out on our long dining room table, I also opened a present I bought a few months ago; but had since forgotten was here. It was intended for my office wall (soon to be new in October this year). It is a framed poem that touches me to the core, especially in light of how I was feeling earlier this week. I was reminded of how challenges bring us all where we need to be; to discover where we need to go and how to be.

To Walk where there is no path
To breath where there is no air
To see where there is no light
This is Faith.

To cry out in the silence
The silence of the night,
And hearing no echo, believe
And believe again and again
This is Faith.

To hold pebbles and see jewels
To raise sticks and see forests
To smile with weeping eyes
This is Faith

To say :'God, I believe' when others deny,
'I hear' where there is no answer
'I see' though naught is seen
This is Faith.

And the fierce love in the heart,
The savage love that cries
Hidden Thou art, yet there!
Veil thy face and mute thy tongue
Yet I see and hear Thee, Love,
Beat me down to the bare earth,
Yet I rise and love Thee, Love!
This is Faith.

-Ruhiyyih Khanum

mid life crisis?

2007-08-26T15:50:00.000-04:00

There are occasional moments where I crave to run to Paris, move to Princeton (proper, not the suburb where we are now), relocate to Holland, London, or even to some isolated beautiful beach scape where the water is a clear blue.

Within the moment, I tend to think about the "possible" opportunities elsewhere, new friends who we can meet, engage in deep dinner conversations, and review the latest Charlie Rose. I ponder on the mutual affection for a life with spiritual choices, where we are guided not by a sense of greater materiality; but instead a path of learning, reflection, growth and challenges.

Somehow, although my current place in life is rich, learning, and enjoyable, I still crave elsewhere. This is why I wonder if my age is dawning on me, I am after all going to turn 38 this coming Friday.

I will spend the day with my husband, maybe grabbing a tea somewhere, or cappuccino depending on the mood of the day, and then we will spend time with one of our favorite couples having dinner in town while our kids mutually enjoy themselves at a play spot drop off for kids down the road.

It all sounds good, and while I get ready for another week at work (and host a conference for my colleagues in NY city) I will mostly be excited, revved up and having a good time doing so; in a genuine sort of way despite the fatigue that it sometimes generates.

But, there are those moments, I guess the thrill of leaving everything behind, especially the responsibilities, tasks, endless daily chores, seem so tempting. The mundane leads to melancholy, I wouldn't mind hiding from the world a little bit, or escape deep into it, depending on my mood. It is easy to linger on this, but it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy doesn't it? Instead, I have to tap into those things that enlighten, inspire and give back a little to me (and my better half who sometimes echoes these sentiments in other ways).

Getting back to reality, I also have to acknowledge that the most cherished moments are those deeper times with friends when deeper refection, and having fun (watching the latest Harry Potter or Bourne Ultimatum, or even hiking) are those I crave the most. Apart from walking through a city (NY, London, Paris) where the world opens up a freedom and excitement that is a constant charge, I need to figure out what or how to do that on my own, within my house, my time, family and friends.

So maybe my crisis is just realizing what is most or more important in life; and then creating that which is inspiring and wonderful on my own, or in this case with dear friends. I think I will try to do that more, maybe then our lost moments will become gained, and the crisis, albeit a short one fades...

Mystic trek

2007-08-18T20:46:00.000-04:00

Today I took Isabella bike riding on her pink "mystic trek" bike. I practically ran/jogged behind her as she explored new sidewalk terrain on her training wheels. With helmet secured and hair pulled back, she enjoyed the turns, speeding up, braking and watching my shadow as the wind breeze moved by on a 70 degree sunny day.

What a moment, and I am psyched that I was there. With all the traveling I am doing lately (at least 2 days a week now) I am trying to catch up with my kids time on the weekend. Lately Pieter and I have found that spending too much time with people (great friends, movies, etc.) may be fun, but we lose some important moments with our kids. It is becoming more and more important to keep our kids as the highlight and others as great icing on the cake. So today we planned to go to the Princeton Market Fair to pick up some presents for Bella's upcoming birthday celebration with one of her best friends; walked through Princeton, got some pizza and of course some of the best ice cream in NJ (Halo Pub, you can't beat a $1.50 cone that is all natural and a little bit of heaven)

Anyway, I am going to be more cognizant of these moments, and make sure my priorities are kept in line with my overall goals. So this weekend, this Saturday at least has been a success.

Traveling summer of 2007

2007-07-20T21:56:00.000-04:00

I have been remiss in not writing for so long on my blog. I will need to update this soon; and inform the blogosphere how amazing my trip to the Baltic Sea was over the last week.

Pieter and I were invited to attend a spectacular trip/cruise along the Baltic Sea visiting ports such as Estonia, St. Petersburg, Helsinki and Stockholm. Apart from the amazing places, rich imagery and stunning sites, we were privileged to meet some amazing new friends during dinner each night on the boat.

From Saturday when it started through the following Friday night, we took part in long deep conversations into the late hours making new friends, attending incredible tours together and discovering how Estonians, Russians and Swedish folk live. We also found out that Saunas (prounounced Sa-ow-nas) are very important to the Finns...

This trip was in fact a work sponsored trip; and although my initial expectation was that I would enjoy the sites and love the travel, (for example: I went hiking, rowing and site seeing in 1 day...followed by a cocktail party and then dinner)I was amazed at how warm and open the folks were on the trip. Every one was really nice, without exception, all 250 of them and their spouses/partners. Our conversations during the day, dinners and through the tours took many turns, spanning from discovering new books, understanding reality, life/work balance, the oneness of religion (despite the many backgrounds of each couple we met, we found invariable common threads in each one), raising children, multicultural marriages and how diversity and true consultation can leads to a better answer than than without. We also shared the story of how we met about 10 times at least (but that will be for another posting). Mostly it was great conversation, lots of laughter and reflection on the important things in life. Not to mention there was a coffee bar on board open 24/7...For anyone who knows me, that just makes a perfect vacation.

Good bye for now. Tonight I have to sleep early (just having finished getting over the jet lag) so we can get up bright and early for our Green Acre Bahai School visit...additional travel posts will be forthcoming.

Peace.

Paris, the summary

2007-06-08T21:30:00.000-04:00

Its funny, over the past several days (leaning into weeks now) I have been trying to set aside time to finally complete my Paris article and to properly savor the memories of such a fantastic trip. I think I have some excuses however so I will list them now: work has been going too fast, too much travel and too little time to give me ample moments to write; we have had visitors from Holland, a new air conditioner installed (which means a heat issue until its done) and just catching up in general leaving me little or no time to prepare my lines.

Before I completely forget the entire trip, and to make sure I at least complete a few thoughts, I want to mention a few things that stick in my mind even now.
Taking a pause.

Whether it is over a coffee, double espresso, gelato, or over dinner, the Parisians have a very nice way to stop time and enjoy the moments. I miss that probably more than ever. Why is it, that with even a cup of espresso, or hot tea in the morning I am multitasking away my day? I want the singular moment to enjoy, think, ponder and just slow down.

A surprise on our trip was a visit to an apartment, not just any place but a home that was witness to many talks & discussions in the early 1900's. This was the apartment that Abdu'l-Baha, the son of the Prophet Founder of the Baha'i Faith resided after he was released from a lifetime of persecution and prison (he was about 60 when he was allowed to travel after confinement) due to his and his father's belief in the essential oneness of humanity. At 4 Avenue de Camoens, in 1911, from October through December, presentations were given about a very new concept...recognizing people as one, regardless of politic, color, nationality or class. Talks were short, but very insightful, inspiring and revolutionary for its time. It was at this place that Pieter and I visited, and it was here that the moments of pause really mattered. It was almost as if we could see back in time and feel the warmth, graciousness and love of Abdul'Baha. That name may sound strange to readers unaware, but if you read his writings and find out about his life, one begins to understand the amazing sacrifice and compassion that this human being shared with everyone he met. In any event, we felt it there and were incredibly honored to have seen this place; as well as the 18 other Baha'is visiting that day ( from US, Africa, Australia, Holland and France)!

The rest
Shopping was great fun, we loved Le Bon Marche, that had an amazing array of foods, pastries, spices, furniture, and even clothes, (similar to Wegmans, Nordstrom and Whole Foods combined) We bought lots of little gifts and enjoyed trying to savor the French food, cheese, and artsy stuff that is literally unknown here. Ever see a butterfly patch with intricate design and sparkles that could be ironed on pants for girls? Or sugar cubes in the shape of a heart that fits on the rim of a cup? A toy air baloon made to an exact replica from a century ago?

Art was amazing, overwhelming, sometimes dizzying but great to experience. Seeing Monet across an entire wall, or the Mona Lisa surrounded by so many people, or my favorite, Rodin's Kiss. No words to describe that one.

Cafes, museums, moments, walking, friends, dinners etc. It was heaven, and I feel blessed that we could go. Missed my kids, but it was really worth it, every drop, every moment...J'aime Paris. Now I just have to remember to bring some Paris back home.

a Paris part 1

2007-05-20T23:14:00.000-04:00

Describing Paris in words seems so inadequate; especially when so much was felt and experienced in ways I did not even expect. I could start at least by identifying some of the tastes and colors that were felt.

I can't describe it all, at least in one sitting, but will hit on a few high points and then continue on next time.

Overall
Amazing, gorgeous weather, spiritually uplifting and memorable in so many ways. Each passing minute felt like a gift. This was especially true when we spent time with our dear friends (Martijn knows Pieter since high school days...) from Holland, who took the train down to Paris for a family trip. Apart from the dinner (photo below) We were able to see them during the nights for late night chats over tea, on the balcony catching up on life.

These nights were unexpectedly a rekindling of a friendship of the best kind; one that doesn't need to much attention on a day to day basis; but just endures through time, places and life. We shared a lot and learned more than we probably expected. It was a unique opportunity to exchange our life lessons and I am so thankful we had this time together.

Walking perspectives
So many beautiful streets, shops, sidewalks, vistas, gardens, historic sites, museums, homes, cafes, bakeries, all nestled together from one place to the next. The continuation and extension of amazing places to see was just endless. It started with the adorable little boutique shops such as the one pictured above, that only specialized hot air balloons and music boxes. A few doors down (in the Quartier Latin) was the oldest restaurant in Paris, La Procope; the place Pieter and I visited when we were engaged back in 1994.

Art was everywhere, real art, and galleries as if every artist could have its own personal showroom for the world to see. Nothing like Soho where the grandness and vibe is connected with an artist for a few moments. Instead, it seems that Parisians appreciate all forms of art, even the doorways of buildings seemed elegant and striking.

People
Of course one of the most quintessential experiences is viewing the Parisians themselves. I was in awe of the splendor of the women in this city. Not that Pieter could truly notice what I was referring to; but I sensed that women, no matter the size, shape, color or background, were mostly (if not all) confident, tailored feminine, with an air of je ne sais quoi. (Okay hopefully my last and only cliche)

Not that there was a lot of makeup, fancy clothes or designer handbags, quite the opposite. I saw ladies who may have just been walking their dog, catching a smoke before their day started; or walking along just enjoying the art at a museum, but each of them had flair and style with a confidence I admired. It made their beauty shine from within as well as from the outside.

Diversity was everywhere, a rich tapestry of people from many countries, whether from Eastern Europe, Europe, Africa, Americas, everyone seemed to be there and it was not as distinct as NY or London where each group has their own subculture and can live amongst their own identities apart from everyone else. It felt like there was a closer knit community of French speaking people, and an acknowledgment that they all were connected somehow. I could be naive in this impression but it felt that way, and I liked the sense of respect no matter the color, background or nationality.

En fin...
Bon soir for now, I will add entries on food, art, history and shopping next time.

Paris here we come

2007-05-09T18:26:00.000-04:00

5 minutes from now, Pieter and I will depart for Newark Airport. We are traveling to Paris for a few days without my adorable little ones. It will be a trip that we have been looking forward for a loooooooooong time and can't wait to get there. I am hoping that it will be a time for reflection, appreciation, many moments of fun, love and slowing down. We were last there when we were engaged, in 1994 during the coldest New Years Eve ever. Now, it is Spring and even though it may rain a little, this time will be ours.

So hopefully soon, about a week from now, I'll send an update, pictures and thoughts on how this Paris trip will be. Until then, my Bella and Alec are in my heart...

Au Revoir!!!!

Two new great blogs coming near you!!

2007-04-23T20:24:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, my sister's family came to visit. Spending time with them is ordinarily great; but this time it was even more special since we were able to spend some alone time with my niece Natasha who just turned 13 and my nephew Nolan who is 11. It was just for a couple of days, but full of great memories and moments that I will cherish at least until I see them again. Watching them interact with my kids was amazing. Bella and Alec have only two cousins, but WOW they make the experience so great that even with a small family, my kids should feel lucky...

Even now, Alec (who just turned 3) asks about his cousin Nolan, wondering why he cannot play with him more. (we will need to visit them soon)

A few great things happened during their visit and I will name just a few:

-My niece babysat Isabella and Alec with Nolan's help so we all went out to see Namesake (they were great and handled their cousins very well, even during crying and missing of mommy and daddy)

-I was amazed at the talents, both musical, creative and kindness of these two kids (check out the Easter video two blog entries down...)

-Both Nolan & Tasha attended our Spiritual Cafe (our monthly devotional with 10-20 college aged kids with music, dessert and coffee and conversation about the readings which was based on the theme: Justice) They both sat through the entire event, and had a good time chatting with the friends. I think they even enjoyed it!

-We talked about writing, life and cool new games on the Internet where you can actually help save an island from a tsunami (serious games...a great site for kids)

-After talking about journals, reflections and computers, we discussed my blog, and you know what? They both decided to create their own.

So without further delay, check out Nolan's blog at wrestlingeinstein.blogspot.com and Natasha's blog at: tripl3threatbebe.blogspot.com. ENJOY

90 letter in 90 days

2007-04-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

I watched Namesake as planned and I was very moved.

I forgot that as a child growing up in America fighting my parent's culture alongside my sister, that my parents had a very real struggle themselves. This film highlighted that view for me, with subtleties that sunk in in ways I never expected.

Seeing the transition of a young woman who lives in a fun-loving lifestyle, full of warmth, a close knit family, music, colors and warm weather as a backdrop, flies over to an unknown city (NY) but still considered a "better place" was a shock. The images of the departure from her family at the airport was a new idea to me; never had I even thought of the moment my parent's had left their home; and now I was dying to remember or find out and sense their feelings on the day they walked onto the plan towards a new life.

The arrival to a cold snowy NY seemed so barren despite the opportunities it promised. I wonder, whether the students/workers/families who travelled here ever realized that there was a huge cost to living in this lonely country. Yes, opportunities would be available; but was the overall long term return on investment truly understood? (For my Mom and Dad, I still don't know from their perspective that is.)

Amazing how so many immigrants decided to take the plunge, whether from India, Pakistan, China, Africa or from anywhere elsewhere, what a tough experience it must have been for them all.

Obviously, times have changed and the Internet, communications, phone calls or even skype are minutes away. But back then? None of this was easy, accessible or possible. I spoke to my step-Dad this weekend, and he told me when he studied in England, that he wrote 90 letters in 90 days because he missed his family. 90 letter in 90 days.

So as I reflect on this new understanding, I want to see the film again, but this time with my Mom in law who also experienced the "transition" experience. She moved from the Netherlands to New Zealand with her child and husband in the early 70's leaving her home presumably for always. She did eventually go back to Europe, as did my husband, but the journey back was not easy, nor was it as cozy as it was when they had left. The time was gone; and adjustment even back home was difficult.

Until now, I thought I had always understood her experience, since I too have moved from US to Europe; but again in this modern day, our days are easier than those before us.

So in short, I am pretty thankful that I watched the film; and even though not all of it was exactly relevant, parts will stay with me for a long time.

Easter 2007

2007-04-11T15:12:00.000-04:00

Namesake the reality

2007-04-01T15:03:00.000-04:00

I am looking forward to seeing the film "Namesake" next Friday with my sister and our husbands where we will watch a film that will probably remind us what it was like to be growing up in a Pakistani type household in suburban America. Many kids of my generation (1st generation American's of parents from somewhere else) experience the duality of living in one culture; but having roots to another very different foreign lifestyle; one where bringing the roots (parental culture) into ones own (American kid culture) daily life is daunting and not always welcomed.

As a girl who was not a White American (should White be capitalized i wonder?) I was often questioning why I was given such a difficult task; of not already fitting in or feeling like one of the crowd. At least that lasted until high school when we moved from a small suburb of Buffalo NY to NJ. NJ is different on SO MANY levels that the culture shock of what priorities existed overshadowed my insecurity of what I looked like. Big hair and cliques aside, I sought any retreat from the group culture as essential to my survival; and instead found contentment in seeking to be different and to be friends with many rather than few (also the same time when I was introduced to the Baha'i Faith and its worldwide, non prejudiced perspective became utterly refreshing).

Anyway, years later; as law school, career, motherhood, more career and grass roots in human interest govern my life; I find that the differences in each of us should be treasured since the human canvas is stunning with the varying hues of personalities, cultures, beliefs and ideas that merge into a larger human family. I realize that now; and when I look back to see my shyness or hesitancy in sharing my "roots" with anyone; I realize I could have taken a different perspective and maybe even appreciate what my parents shared with me with more value, respect and honor.

Lessons learned. Maybe once I see the film it will reiterate just that.

Creativity at its finest

2007-03-28T22:18:00.000-04:00

It could start out as a song; a design; a few words; a witty comment or even a look. Sometimes I am amazed at how at how creativity can expose an inner beauty stored somewhere deep waiting to be revealed at the right time. I get this with my kids; i.e. Bella's beautiful illustrations, or Alec's engaging expressions in his eyes that can melt any heart, but I most often have found the most amazing treasures from my friend, closest companion/husband guy, Pieter.

Maybe it is his piercing blue eyes that contain the deep sense of reality that we cannot yet see yet; but I think he has a gift that needs to be shared. I guess I should recap to convey what I mean.

In my last 13 years of knowing this guy, I have seen transformation on an exponential level in the way he thinks, learns and tries to unravel this mysterious world we live in. Whether a successful IT director in charge of offices on the whole east coast for a huge company; a grass roots Faith activist for everything that needs to be right in this world; a chef of multi talents that will only find his pizza dough "decent" after 3 years of stretching; a phenomenal Father, teacher, mentor, hands on with his kids who will take actually 29 minutes in describing how blood flows through the body; and actually get my 6 year old to completely find satisfaction from every question she poses; a thoughtful kind true hearted person that can share his love with anyone who has the room to receive it; an expert wood crafter hobbyist, who can actually Autocad a gorgeous set of cabinets and carve them out of maple adding Euro sleek stainless steel pulls after 500 hours (in summer 2004, in less than 9 weeks).

And, to top it off, he is at the very exciting stage of writing a novel that will let others experience how a global/spiritual ethic is not only provocative, but necessary.

Tonight he finished the prototype for a new website to re-launch Next Level Radio; the super cool pod cast that is produced by our friend W Morrison III. You can go to nextlevelradio.org; but stay tuned for the new version coming to an Internet page near you...

Anyway, I had to pause and just appreciate, like the finest cup of espresso with the hint of crema, the moment had to be savored.

To check out his thoughts online, and to see great photos of the kitchen he made, go to indigored.com, enjoy...

Ayyam-i-Ha children's story...

2007-03-02T07:49:00.000-05:00

What is the best way to explain to Isabella that Ayyam-I-Ha is a great holiday and that she should be proud of this time of gift giving and sharing and preparation for the upcoming Fast? Well, this year, it was a little hard because as a six year old, now she tells her friends about it, which is great except this year, no one believed her. She 1st mentioned it around Christmastime and since then when she descibed that she got usually at least 1 gift per day for 4-5 days before March, they just figured she was confused. So this year, we thought we try to change that.

"Remembering Isabella's Ayyam-I-Ha" created by illustrations made by Bella (12 of them) and set to a short story describes that Bella was having a hard time explaining and convincing her classmates that this holiday existed. Each child was convinced that she "must" have been thinking about their holiday, Christmas, Eid, Diwali, Hannukah etc. Instead of staying sad, Isabella asked her mommy to explain to her friends what this holiday was, and why we celebrate it...
With book in hand, gifts in a bag, and goodies to share, we brought this to her school yesterday and shared this story with ALL of her classmates from her entire school. It was a lot of fun reading it to each class and hearing many of Isabella's friends wish her a wonderful Ayyam-i-Ha. Finally, they will now NOT forget, and in the process learn about this new time of year for Baha'is all over the world...

1st day of fasting

2007-03-02T07:06:00.000-05:00

As I hear the rain drops and the trees sway to the wind, I find several minutes of time in the AM where the kids are sleeping and I have prepared for the 1st day of fast.

Pieter and I got up this morning, enjoyed some tea, ate our early "pre-fast" breakfast and said some prayers. I did some Yoga to Shiva Rea, and now ready to reflect before my hectic day starts at work...

Fasting is a unique opportunity to reflect on things, pray for strength and to rely MORE upon the spiritual realities, rather just on our own patterns of life, where eating & drinking takes a much larger role. As a child, when my parents fasted for Ramadan, I would look on as a witness to a process that I rarely understood. It was never explained too much on the "why" or the benefits, but rather as an exercise in duty and reverence.

This year, there is a unique "spirit" in the air; like I am treading this path knowing it will be fine, excited about the opportunity and not too weary about the overall difficulties (yet) that the fast may have on me as an individual. Part of this surprises me, since my work has doubled since a few months ago, and my 80 hour work load per week has not unfortunately decreased. As a result, I am very curious to see how my legal counsel will be impacted without my coffee and tea to cheer me up during my crazy day.

Instead, I am going to bring a little care package to work with me; a prayer book, some inspiring writings and definitely my IPOD with all 3000 songs to keep me going.

"...Prayer and fasting is the cause of awakening and mindfulness and conducive to protection and preservation from tests..." --Abdu'l-Baha

Valentines Day (by choice)

2007-02-13T22:34:00.000-05:00

I bought a heart Valentines Day brownie for my kids today. I figured the least I could do was to offer them a special dessert on the night before tomorrow. Incidentally, I had the cake read: Happy heart day... since the concept of Valentines is sometimes too hard to take in our forced fed culture of canned romance, or boxed, long stem...you get the picture. Instead, I glanced at something in the global papers today that made me think how lucky we actually may be, to others on the other side of the world.

I read about a proposed law, the Anti-Women Practices Bill which was introduced into Parliament today in the country of Pakistan. For those who were not aware about this country's traditions or why this is so important, let me explain.

Men, a tribe, a small community, due to tradition and ignorance find it appropriate to force a woman to marry, or force her not to marry and marry her to a religion (literally Koran marraiges actually happen to help prevent women claiming inherited property). They can even force her to marry to settle a feud.

I am not sure about you, but if my entire life, future and old age would have to be spent with a guy I hardly knew due to a feud in my neighborhood; I would go ballistic...

In recent years, there has been a push both culturally and politically (by some, not all) to move ahead the clock on these traditions, and to create a legal right of equality that never existed before in this young country (partitioned from India since 1947).

With a country that has the 6th largest world population of about 166+ Million people in an area almost twice the size of California, the masses are clearly getting a dose of new policy. This is important especially since 48% (based on the CIA at least) are deemed literate which means over 50% are not. Until those folks are educated, many of the people in the country side and villages lives a life of tradition, recounting oral history and guided by their neighbor on what morality, values and traditions to follow.

One quick note, that on the "educated" front, many of my own relatives and friends are very highly educated and come from families that seem to be a different part of Pakistan, a more humanist side, kinder and more equitable to women rights. In fact many women in my family are arguably the stronger thread of their families. Notwithstanding this fact however, the other side still exists and is still at least half the population.

This law would outlaw forced marriages against women, whether by force through tribal custom or otherwise. The penalty is three years--to seven years depending on the offense. If a husband for example raises charges of infidelity and loses, he could face charges of slander and the woman could seek a divorce action. If this law passes, and can stand the muster of the traditionalists, it may offer women a voice, a strong hand and acknowledgement that their choice actually means something.

The hope that I have is that although the law could intiate and codify these important essential human rights, the people who enforce it, the families that hear about it, the women that find empowerment still have to bring this law into reality and make a lasting mark on day to day life in Pakistan... for everyone. Then can a women stop being forced into marriage and a life long journey she never chose.

First it has to pass. Then maybe next year's Valentine's Day, we can have something to celebrate.

The movies that move us

2007-01-28T11:46:00.000-05:00

Two films I viewed this month has made a strong impression. One was a old film from the 40's with the then famous film stars I am hardly aware in the 21st century set in NY city when the skyline had only a spattering of buildings. It was an inspiring tale of the individual spirit overcoming the pressures and defined construct of the collective. It took principles of freedom,liberty, creativity, integrity and objectivity to new heights in a way I have hardly seen in films of late. The film was based on a bestseller during that time that even today is sold to hundreds of thousands each year. Ayn Rand's Fountainhhead. Wow.

Although the dramatic film music was amusing and maybe a little overdone, the overall themes, the language used to convey the thoughts of the characters were brilliant. The film portrayed the heroism of the individual spirit, obviously an idea that resonates today when our society seems geared towards collective thoughts on lifestyle, fashion, politics and the quest of materialism. From a personal standpoint I know that the fact that Pieter chooses to write a novel as opposed to making a 6 figure salary in IT has always caused a pause and explanation...

Anyway, see this film if at any time someone feels "pressured" by social expectation. This film will at minimum cause some reflection, may change one's perspective, and maybe even impact others affected by that change as well.

The second film I had to walk out of halfway despite its very high ratings (8.5 out of 10 on IMDB based on 12,000 comments) I found it disturbing, without any benefit and over the top macabre. Pan's Labyrinth and if the name represents a puzzle or maze, I have to say at least that namesake holds true. I cannot imagine why so many people adored this film, a collection of images that evoked an empathy, sadness and injustice that was not reconciled through out the movie. It seems unfair and almost cruel to put audiences through this trust that when characters unjustly are tortured, punished, oppressed and vilified, that at least some sense of justice is felt by the end. The sheer fact that we are left alone in a journey within a dark reality without the triumph or even acknowledgement of human virtue spanning over a collection of minutes is something I prefer not to endure.

Overall I am so glad that there is this medium where visual arts demonstrate facets of the human condition. But in this time that we live in, where acts of heroism are overshadowed (sometimes) by the hardness of the global realities we face, it would be a gift to see more films that engage in improving the human condition and reflecting the true spiritual reality upon which we are based.

Roses...

2007-01-16T22:04:00.000-05:00

Support can come in many ways; through friends understanding, through colleagues offering their congrats on a job well done; through the hug of a child with eternal love and smiles; and through the sweet gesture of having pink roses brought to me after a long trip away from home.

These are the moments I can play over and over again in my mind, the few seconds which linger and when remembered, brings a smile to my heart. While my husband Pieter works on his creative talent of book writing, and extrapolating the essence of what inspires a 21st century person to contribute to this world, I am reminded that work, discipline and focus is a talent we must all hone, and never ignore. Yet through this unending task, we need others to help us along the way. Whether prayer, meditation, chatting on the phone, laughing out loud at nothing at all, or just stopping to smell the roses, we all need that push to get us through the task when we run out of breath.

And so to my special friend with the simple initials of PB, thank you for your support and the unending encouragement, love and pink roses that you bring.

Merci...

Inspiration abroad...

2006-12-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

Just when I think I can sit down and catch up on my blog (exactly a month now since my last post), I get involved with another task, duty, or work (oops duty calls again) Hold on...

Okay, just spent the last hour chatting with my Mom and finishing some chores before I go to bed. Finally, a second to write.

Anyway, in the last month, I have been abroad in Holland, and went there to present a paper for the 10th annual European Bahai Law Conference.

Going back to Holland was so much fun. When I arrived I had a day to spend time with my mother in law, Carla (and Henk) saw where she lived, bought some presents for Bella and Alec, had an amazing cappacino and enjoyed the Dutch culture all over again.

The following day, I presented a paper on how the role of in house counsel has changed in view of corporate misdeeds, increased regulation and compliance requirements in today's corporate world. The presentation was received well and it was amazing how many folks thought it was so relevant for today.

When I met other Bahai lawyer's (from all over Europe) in Holland, I was overwhelmed by the warmth, the respect, the love and the openness that these participants had in wanting to see a changed world. I was encouraged to write, inspired to re-think things and learned so much about what "COULD" be and how we as lawyers can bridge the gap to show that things "SHOULD" be.

I never realized that legal scholarship was so necessary and essential to my field of practice. Through seeing other legal issues presented so eloquently by students, academics and practicing lawyers, I found myself amazed to see how many connections exist between the current world issues (i.e. head scarfs), religious intolerance, human rights etc. and how the Bahai Faith and it principles, teachings and Writings are so relevant, inspiring and visionary.

Principles such as full equality of men and women; elimination of extremes of wealth and poverty; universal education and literacy; recognizing that there is an essential oneness in God; respecting the diversity of all people; eliminating prejudices such as racial, economic and political; the establishment of one federalized commonwealth with one currency; and the recognition that religion is meant to unify mankind, not to divide it is just some basic principles that was established back in the 19th century by Baha'u'llah but remain visionary, exciting and relevant for today.

One paper I heard was on the subject of religious plurality in society. The analysis presented how the Bahai Faith's principles definitely separates statehood from religion and creates unalienable rights in the individual to practice their own beliefs. The presenter went on to connect how the Bahai Faith would deal with a current practical issue of the headscarf, where in especially Europe, this has become a serious contentious issue.

The analysis was thorough, clearly presented and fascinating to hear...I really did not know that we could even imagine how a Bahai vision would explain current day issues. Perhaps I am not a visionary, but it made me excited to try to become one.

At the conference, I facilitated a workshop to discuss just this issue. How could lawyers, students and academics push the envelope on legal thought? Well, as a first step, we created a BLOG at nlwo.blogspot.com that stands for NEW LEGAL WORLD ORDER, a think tank to advance law, ethics and justice. Already, the articles have been streaming in...(and pictures too)

In a publication by the Universal House of Justice, One Common Faith, I found a relevant passage on connecting the Faith to today's issues:

"...Baha'u'llah's writings provide insights that can help to elevate discussions of religious issues above sectarian and transient considerations"[...]Bahais will come increasingly to appreciate that the Cause they serve represents the arrowhead of an awakening taking place among people everywhere, regardless of religious background and indeed among many with no religious learning"

So from now on, I will try to divide my time between this Mystic Logic and the New Legal World Order blog and some where find the balance, hopefully get inspired and continue on this quest...

The recharge moment

2006-11-27T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day at work after a week off from the craziness. During my time off, I tried to wind down from the world that I work in; get plugged back in to a sense of calm and get recharged without distraction.

Suffice it to say that although my kids got sick, and work beckoned a few times during the week, prepared for my presentation in December for an upcoming Law Conference in Europe, and we even traveled to family for Turkey sharing etc I was somehow able to turn the volume way down and took a "pause". If anything it gave me a new perspective in how I perceive myself, in a lesser important sort of way. Although I have been involved with more responsibility at work and consider many more issues a day, some of which get Executive level attention; I was reminded that the job is a job and the job is not all that I am. I also remembered what my role is; and that is to do my best and to let go if things do not always go as planned.

When I am deep into work however, it is easy to get carried away, rolled up in the pressure, determined to do really well and to execute flawlessly etc. Even though this may be a good thing, it can overwhelm the sense of purpose I have and then I forget to breathe.

But the recharge helped.

I think the recharge moment happened when I was chatting with my husband, in our library when the candles were lit; book in hand, green tea in cup where I just enjoyed the quiet, the "non-activity" the solitude of not having to do something. There is much more excitement, happiness, life, energy, inspiration, dreams, hope and goodness beyond work. So much to be thankful for and even more to reflect on. We also caught up on a few films, met up with friends and caught up with Carla, Pieter's Mom and Bella's Oma (currently referred to as Aba by Alec who somehow refuses to call her anything else) is visiting us for a few weeks.

So despite the other issues I had to address during my week off, I woke up this morning ready for another day at work, and very cognizant that it is just that, not any more, not any less. I think that a vacation just needs that extra moment or two; when we realize stuff will happen with or without us and when we get back, it will be continue and still keep going...So why not look at it for what it is and keep things in perspective.

Peace

Increased capacity during challenges

2006-11-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

Recently, I have been traveling weekly to DC and work on several new responsibilities as my job has expanded as of October of this year. Apart from being Area Counsel to the "Mid-Atlantic" area of the US consisting of 8 states, lots of dollars and contracts to negotiate, the area is now twice the size and include responsibility for the legal management of the"Federal" area of the business, and all that it implies.

This new area is not completely foreign to me, since I worked in a heavily regulated area before going to my current job, and I was used to the government cultures which is starkly different from the commercial arena, with laws, regulations and public policy issues laden in every action, contract and issue.

When I took over this area, I was not sure what to expect; and even hesitant to dive deeply in the waters of the surrounding issues encompassing this Federal area. However, with utter support and confidence by my colleagues, some how I did not or have not yet drowned. Instead, I am making progress, trying to advise on improvements and almost feel strangely at ease. I do not believe however that this confidence or calm is stemming from me. Instead, I believe firmly that I am getting a lot of assistance from prayer, meditation, humility and trust in something way beyond me.

In a wonderful book by Dr. Youness Afroukhteh, called Memories of Nine Years in Akka, there are many inspiring words which come from the recently translated work by the author's memoirs who served Abdu'l Baha (son of Baha'u'llah founder of Bahai Faith) as his secretary and interpreter from 1900-1909. There was a point when the author was guided to change his profession from banking to medicine; at an age of mid 30's when he was sure it was going to be an impossible feat; and highly unlikely that he would succeed. However, through prayer, advice and consultation within own self-reflection; as well pearls of wisdom from Abdu'l Baha, he completed his studies and accomplished this difficult task.

One concept that was held close to his heart while attempting the new studies, was based on how to access assistance and Divine confirmation. Reciting the advice by Abdu'l Baha directly:

"In any and all endeavors, divine confirmation is wholly dependent on action. Persevere, so that the hosts of divine bounty may assist you"; "The hosts of divine blessing are poised behind this very window waiting for you to act. If you do not enter the arena of service, of what use are the hosts of heavenly confirmation? If the commander of the army remains idle and passive, how can the army achieve victory?"

How You Tube connects to the heart

2006-10-19T20:39:00.000-04:00

Recently, I was at a business lunch and the conversation touched upon the recent You Tube phenomenon. Why did Google pay 1.6 Billion dollars for a company that enables mass sharing of video clips?

Apart from the market segments and analysis of people's trends and views etc. that it may generate, I think the value goes even further. On a grassroots level, it has the potential to connect people with each other thru an easy media, accessible and available to anyone.

This new pipeline enables the sharing of ideas with visual candy for the eyes. Great for an MTV generation that connects through music, action clips and reality TV. Since it is not however driven by corporate ownership, sponsors of commercials etc, it is grass roots, people sharing with people. And as our deeper connections with each other gets lost through our frenetic paced lives, perhaps something as simple as sharing a video clip can get us back to a more civilized, closer humane way of life. These 2 videos will help explain what I mean.

The 1st one is about a quest for Free Hugs, and a true story about a person who found ways to hug humanity. And all for free! (the clip seems to be sometimes available and others not, so try again soon!!)

The 2nd clip is a great insightful story about a person's path towards understanding why we should care about today's world, in today's time, and seek more answers than just what we are fed or witness. This completely sheds light on exactly why critical thinking about the "Why" is life can be too strong to ignore.

19 years from tomorrow, the path he took also became my own...and I am still finding new dynamic truths everyday.

Learning about my Dad

2006-10-11T21:46:00.000-04:00

Today is my father's birthday, he would have turned 72 had he lived. But he passed on when he was 58, during my first year of law school. I spoke to my Mom about him and found out interesting stuff about his history, my history.

I have been reading In the Line of Fire, a memoir Pervez Musharraf, the President of Pakistan, which is the place where my parents are from.

In the beginning of his book, he describes his family's journey from India to Pakistan during the bloody partition which was deadly for both Muslims and Hindus, Indians and the newly formed Pakistanis. The President was about 4, and somewhere on that train or a train just like was a 13 year old boy named Tajammul Gill. My father was 13 when he joined thousands across the new border transferring into new land, hopefully to a new home. To avoid being killed, he was hidden under a carpet basket so that no one would notice, and luckily he escaped harm. How scared he must have been, wondering each moment whether it would be the end. Perhaps as a 13 year old, he was not in fear, but happy to leave India to go to Pakistan with his family, or perhaps he was angry or so terrified at what he witnessed on that ride. I will perhaps never know, at least not for a long while.

Apparently, my Father's family had not always been Muslim. A few generations back (Great grandfather I think), a Sikh family with the name "Gill" had several children, including boys and girls in a family of landowners.

Since there was a family near by of Muslim faith, and that family could not have children, one of the sons was provided with love and trust to the Muslim family. That boy was raised Muslim, and began my Father's heritage to end up in Pakistan.

I never knew these details, nor the path that my Father took to bring himself over to Pakistan. I often wish that he could tell me stories to answer the hundreds of questions I have for him. As a Mother, a wife, a lawyer, a woman of Pakistani/Sikh and actually Afghan heritage (that part was from my Mother's side), I discover new questions everyday that I would love to ask him. A long time ago, when he was around, I often sat with him and chatted about how I believed the world would be a world of peace one day, and that my life would be one of hope. He was a happy man, and despite his many sufferings, he could always find a smile and find time to take a walk with me and just chat, as a Father and as a friend. But when I was younger, I knew so little about what life would become, and I often miss his great advice, and he was so reasonable!!! At least in my eyes, he was just, considerate and very funny, always full of charm.

Well, it is his birthday today, and I think he is listening. I love you Dad and miss you all the time. My family, Pieter, Isabella and Alec would have absolutely adored you, but for what they do know, I think they already do. Bella even said a prayer for you this morning to remember you! : )

Becoming Fruit

2006-10-01T19:03:00.000-04:00

I have recently subscribed to Oprah Magazine, a magazine that has more content than advertising, at least it seems that way. It contains multi-generational/racial images that seem more positive and inspiring that most other "female" oriented magazines.

Anyway, inside are random poems, quotes etc. that sometimes strikes the perfect chord.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
---Dawna Markova

The woman who wrote this has a site called: smartwired.org it is a very smart website aimed to help each parent find the gems hidden in each child/which really relates the children's best qualities which are sometimes not always visible or apparent under our current educational system. I completely support this and actually Pieter and I are beginning to find new ways of spreading this notion to others in our community.

We started "fruit classes" a class that aims to help children find their noblest selves through games, stories and activities on virtue training. This was originally developed and based on RUHI 3, a book on spiritual education that was developed originally by a grassroots organization in Colombia (the country, not Ohio) but is now translated and used through out the world. Ruhi classes (so far there about 7 different themes) are based on a new type of learning, not by a standard "teacher-learner" model but rather a facilitated program provides a method so that each person can learn as you go, actively and organically with everyone involved. This is very cool when this is applied to children since they have amazing imagination, an untapped potential and great energy.

Bella already told me that she will be a MANGO in the fruit class. The "fruit class" name is based on thinking of a seed of a wonderful fruit and finding our true and best selves through these activities which will last every other week besides holidays etc. until May of next year (a total of 15 in all). We have invited Bella's friends and I hope that some of them will join us, share, learn and grow together so they can find what fruit they can become too.

Bella's little painting adventure

2006-09-22T22:07:00.000-04:00

Bella was almost in trouble last Saturday morning. I got up and Bella was already downstairs. Usually she waits for us and plays computer games until Pieter and I slowly wake up. It is one of the only days we can kind of sleep in...till 8:30. (oh the days of waking up after 10...)

Anyway, I saw her come to my room and happily tell me that she had painted a flower and wanted to show it to me. I kind of brushed aside her statement since I thought that "painting" must be the wrong word she used, since she couldn't possibly know where the supplies are, how to make sure the paint would not spill and get all the prep she would need. Plus I was still waking up and trying to get my toothbrush and get Alec dressed at the same time.

After getting ready, she kept on pushing me to come down and see what she did. I was getting slightly worried. If she did actually PAINT, she would have definitely made a mess. Each time she does we go through a long process, finding some old newspaper, getting some water to wet the brush, opening some paints from the higher shelf in the closet, etc.

I came downstairs, saw her table and to my surprise, her desk was covered with paint stuff...not paint all over on the table as I would have suspected, but a neat pile of newspapers underneath some drawing paper, about 5 different types of paint open but not spilled, a small container of water to wet the brush, and a paint brush.

I was speechless, confused and almost angry. Part of me wanted to let her know that this was not acceptable behavior and that she KNEW she should have asked first. But the other part was amazed at her neatness, consideration and intelligence around creating her little masterpiece. Her picture speaks for itself.

I did remind her that next time, she should really ask us before she does this again. But I did thank her and tell her I was proud that she remembered all the steps all by herself, and that her flower was very beautiful.

Lets see what she comes up with tomorrow morning.

Children's classses the REMIX

2006-09-16T21:11:00.001-04:00

Recently, things have gotten very BUSY, people staying over, house issues to fix, school transfers (public school to Montessori for Bella), new responsibilities, a paper to prepare for, and classes to start (2 that I am actually teaching, and this is outside of work) etc. I am getting tired.

The "teaching of classes" is getting a bit daunting, as one of them starts tomorrow morning and the otherin a few weeks. Part of my struggle lies in learning how to teach children and find the unique potential "gems" in each child and enable them to help see themselves as special, unique beautiful individuals that can be empowered to take decisions that assist others and themselves. This is particularly challenging when this society does not recognize that spiritual education and moral leadership is as essential as reading, writing and math. There are no "exams" or school ratings based on how they teach values in humanity or diversity training, multi-cultural respect, service to others etc.

A recent initiative by the global communities of the Bahais is to multiply these "spiritual education" classes in as many places as possible, so that all children are educated in this light, regardless of religion, creed, economics or politics. It is a wonderful initiative and I am proud to be a part of it in coordinating growing classes in our "central jersey" area.

Around the world, I have read stories from Columbia, Russia, UK, Senegal and even Nicaragua (HI BRAD AND CYN!!) that have inspired me where these initiatives have been successful, and children and parents realized that these classes actually impacted the way their kids acted on a day to day basis...for the better.

So, back to my little goal for Hillsborough NJ.

We decided to launch locally (from our home) a class called "Raising Peacemakers" a Bahai inspired conflict resolution class which has been modified by a great resource called Ruhi Book 3 "Teaching Children's Classes". The class materials are great, and includes art, music, stories and inspiring quotes so I am assuming, with a little luck the class will be fun, and an attractive learning experience for children from our neighborhood. The class will hopefully provide practical measures that children elementary school aged (from 5-10) can take and apply in the playground, at school etc. to assist them in becoming learning how to act like moral leaders. One practical example is sharing with others, preventing bullying, realizing that not getting your way is really okay...etc.

We hope to get enough interest to actually sustain a class. We will be launching it here in a few weeks. The results will be interesting. (Stay tuned)

Anyway, I am also preparing for a Bahai education school that starts tomorrow morning in Somerset (and kind of I am delaying preparing by writing this blog entry) I had to listen to something that might help me find more inspiration and found a great song by MERZ that hits the point perfectly... (go to Merz.co.uk.com for a download, or ITUNES for more great stuff from them)

MYSTIC TRANSFORMATION (by MERZ)

teacher teacher do us a favour
not sure we are getting any cleverer

the kind of knowledge taught to us at school
be the death of me and the death of you
take a look at what is happening to
the children of us just look at what they do
we need a mystic transformation
to spread over our nation

trip of the time is that we're not all here
all messages collide into an oval sphere
there's something in there there's something without
dreams are reality that's what times about
all of natures not natural i love you then i don't
i'll be there when you need me but then again i won't
how did it happen? who can he be?
if life is worth living then show me

philosophy's recycled does that make it green?
does waste apply to our thoughts when we dream
lets deeds not words be your adorning
lets deeds not words be you

need a mystic transformation
to spread over our nation

everything you know is wrong i saw that on a sign
i thought that sign's clever i'll make it mine
search should be a sport in the Olympics
people shouldn't have to spend their lives jumping into sandpits
reflection should be our conversation at times
just sit there and listen as time drifts by
there are hidden gems of knowledge stored in our minds
and education can bring out what's inside
we can create we can administrate
we can live our lives in a film script state
it's within human power to let the force shower us
with it's bounties and blessings it's features and lessons

i don't have to spell things out in black and white
cos it's not a jam jar storage kind of life
for the benefit of those who say i've got mine
there's something out there it's moving
it's leaving you behind

teacher teacher do us a favour
i'm not sure we are getting any cleverer
kind of knowledge taught to us at school
be the death of me and the death of you
take a look at what is happening to
the children of us just look at what they do

we need a mystic transformation
to spread over our nation

(I'll settle for this area of NJ)

PS: Oh and by the way, if anyone who reads this have started similar children classes in their area, please share any hints, help and feedback you have gotten. I would love to hear...

Why not giving in can be so valuable

2006-08-28T23:02:00.001-04:00

I had a battle of wits today with my little son Alec. It started at dinner time, where Pieter and I are trying to continue our pattern of sitting around our dining table to have dinner with the kids, without distraction, no TV, and maybe just occasionally jazz or down tempo music in the background. We have done this many times before but in the summer we also eat outside, inside, anywhere to escape the heat and to eat in peace. Usually, despite our best intentions, we all eat for about 12 minutes together, and then Alec wants to depart and play. He is not interested in his food until possibly an hour later and by then Bella is on dessert and he conveniently eats alternative food, peanut butter and jelly, bananas, apple, and or just maybe 2 more spoonfuls of his dinner.

Today was different. I made one of his favorites, spaghetti and meatballs, an easy kid friendly meal which I knew he would likely eat at least half of it with no fuss.

When he received a spoonful of plain spaghetti, which he gladly played and then ate, I should have known he would refuse any sauce laden cut up spaghettis in his little dish.

However, I was determined to make sure he would eat. He was a little ill over the weekend and I knew he should eat well, and get some protein in him and not just feast on long noodles with a touch of olive oil. So I asked, I told him, and I insisted that he have his food. Of course, this was not simple. It was interwoven with bouts of crying, spitting out food, coughing so close to vomiting, crying again, catching his breath from crying, yelling, almost pushing his bowl to the floor, and then just some individual noodles to follow...

Over a period of 55 minutes, I endured his crying, screaming and utter misery while I asked, pleaded, spoke to him sternly, and tried every trick to get him to take a few bites. No matter what I tried, he refused, and even just held the food in his mouth and continued to cry...

But no matter what or how he reacted, I just felt like it was not something I could give up... This was not a battle of wills, even though he probably thought it was, it was about love. I did not want to hear him cry another note, no more tears, no more looking at me, or looking away from me to avoid the spoon. How can a little child create so much anguish in me while I know I had to persist. Something was telling me not to give up.

I was not fully angry with him just confused and unsure how to react to his distaste and firm determination to not eat. I used gentle soft words except for once or twice where I just grappled for stronger words, but couldn't find any to take effect. Now to anyone reading this, you have to know that this is a slight departure for me. I usually speak with volume, in a quickened pace and am very determined. Somehow with this little guy, he reacts differently, and focused eye contact, gentle words and piercing sincerity seems to encourage his goodness while anger only seems to upset him.

After hearing his 50th minute of crying and defiance, he looked at me, and as he was catching his breath from crying I think he heard or felt that I was tearing up wondering how to convince this little strong soul that I knew what was best for him.
Maybe he was just exhausted, he leaned his head against my heart and he slowly calmed his rapid little breath and he became quiet.

He just waited as if he knew this could not go on, or else he know that I would not give up, or perhaps he realized that he could defer and trust me. I kept on repeating calmly and gently that I wanted him to eat because it was good for him, that I knew he didn't like it but that he has to eat. As he quieted, my voice slowed and I paused, just wondering what he would do.

I held the spoon with the spaghetti for what seemed like hours, but was probably 10 seconds, close to his mouth wondering if he would voluntarily just take it. His mouth stayed closed, so I tapped his mouth with my finger and asked him to open...and then then slowly it gave way.

Amazingly, he had 10 bites after that, and with each bite I repeated very softly that I utterly loved him and that I was so happy he was eating. I did not wait for him to stop rather I let him eat half his bowl and then let him play with Bella, which he was excited to do and ran over to her in the living room to join her.

The little picture above is him is right before I took him for a bath tonight and he was very happy. So was I, and before I think about the rest of the week and how to approach meals Tuesday through Friday with the family on the table...

I am glad I didn't give in.

Investigating the changing role of in house lawyers.

2006-08-23T22:30:00.000-04:00

In the past few weeks, I have been traveling, hosting some friends and working on various projects which have been keeping me very busy. I have actually wanted to blog a few times, but frankly had very little "free" time to do so.

One of the projects that I have been working on is in preparing a lecture and dialogue for a presentation at a law conference this winter.

In December I will be attending the 10th Annual European Bahai Law Conference in the Netherlands and will be offering my 2 cents as an in house attorney on my experiences of guiding business and counseling corporate actors to act more ethically creating a more sound business and legal environment. This has become particularly relevant lately due to all the developments in regulatory compliance mandates (SOX, etc. and other acronyms that make most corporate executives cringe and spends lots more $$ to manage) which have required companies to be more transparent to the stockholder and to avoid deceptive practices.

As a result of these changes, instead of just providing legal advice to address legal issues from a silo that has little interaction with the business, the in-house legal role is shifting to be more of a business counselor, an advocate to help alter and form the strategy of the company and act as true trusted advisor. Either this is just the limited experience of an enthusastic lawyer that has great business folks to work with, or this is fact a changing trend.

In preparation for this I am going to do some research of how other "in house" lawyers have faced this challenge and whether this is true for many in the corporate landscape. If I find enough worthy information, I'd like to write an article of my findings.

For inspiration, I checked out various places that would accept such an article, not an official legal analysis but rather an essay or comment on the relevant legal envirnoment we face today. Suprisingly, I found that the "Harvard Law Review" accepted articles 25 pages or less that would be considered an "Essay" that advances an idea, summarizes a development, or initiates or engages in discussion. I assume that I would need some magic wizardry to get published in something so accomplished and worthy but they do select through anonymous submissions... Who knows?

Anyway, I will need to prepare an outline, chat with some other industry gurus and find out more information and facts. Looking forward to this new journey...

Other blogs to watch for

2006-08-02T10:27:00.000-04:00

When I blog, I write about things that I feel are "relevant" to my life. For those who read the blog, I hope to provide some insight on my personal life, my worldly view and maybe once in a while provide people with a new or fresh perspective on things. For my close friends (and family) who I don't see often enough, mostly because they reside all over the world, I hope to give them a sense of "me" without the need for the phone call or personal email.

I read two blogs the other day that gave me pause and made me smile.

The first was reading a newbie blogger, a soon to be high school senior who is setting her sights on becoming a worthy journalist one day. Her blog has just begun and is likely the first of a million entries authored by her pen (or shall we say keyboard??). It is so exciting to see her record her thoughts and share those thoughts to others. She is is a unique girl who is wise beyond her age, with a heart of a shy soul who is longing to open her wings.

In the past year she has been our babysitter, one who has brought lots of joy to Bella and Alec and have calmed them into happily and contently having a smile even while Pieter and I leave the house to go enjoy the "outside" sans kids. I am proud of her courage to open her heart to write...I look forward to much more. Check out http://liveitloveitlearnit.blogspot.com and enjoy...

The other blog is my best friend's, my co-traveler on this plane of existence (and the next), and husband Pieter Bas. He started his own website/blog/dialogue page a few months ago, and it actually has lots of components, some blog like, some descriptive, and others reflections of his multifaceted character (woodworking and web design anyone?) He is in the midst of writing a book and I am so excited for myself and the world to see the culmination of all his efforts. His latest entry was eloquent, incredibly well written and has proven to me that his words will an amazing force to be dealt with...

I am so lucky that I can say he is mine. Love rocks. Check him out at: indigored.com

Learning from kids

2006-07-29T01:10:00.000-04:00

These little kids teach me things when I least expect it. Case in point: Bella's prayers. So each morning we sing prayers together, or occasionally she sings them herself. The other day I cam downstairs scurrying around in the morning trying to rush through my morning routine of preparing her lunch, giving Alec and Bella breakfast, making my coffee, making my tea for my ride to work, and checking my blackberry for morning emails.

Anyway, I arrive downstairs and she was already ready with her sneakers on (sometimes a very long battle), brushed teeth and breakfast prepared (thanks P). That morning as we left the house I reminded her that we should say prayers. Well, she happily informed me she already said three of them. Wow...I was speechless. One is great, but three?

So later that day, Pieter told me that when he picked her up from school, she was very thrilled that her day was really good; so good in fact that she was not "in trouble" during circle time for talking. She told her teacher too. Her teacher said "yeah, you were good today..." Isabella told Pieter that she prayed for 3 things: ...One: that she wouldn't get in trouble today; two: that Mommy wouldn't be grumpy in the morning; and three: that Max would get better.

When he told me I was floored (for non English speakers, this phrase conveys awe and surprise) I was amazed partly because it was so refreshing that she could see a positive consequence to her prayerful attitude and state of mind; and partly because I could not believe she prayed that I wouldn't be grumpy. Hearing that was so humbling and led to some serious self-reflection.

I am a night person, and love to stay up late (hence the blogging at midnight etc.) So in the AM I am more focused on getting done the things I need to get done, without excess chatting, and frankly with as little distraction as possible...Am I happy? No. Am I a nice person to be with when I get up? Sadly, no. My best mornings are when I get up after a good night sleep, practice some yoga in the morning, drink some green tea and then carry the rest of my day with grace instead of restlessness. Uhhhh, how often do I do that?? Too embarrassed to mention and frankly too rare to even count.

I did however learn some lessons:

Lesson 1: Stop being so focused on myself and being grumpy. My little girl notices.
Lesson 2: She is amazing
Lesson 3: I love these kids more than I ever believed I'd have the capacity for...

I don't know how long it will take for me to unwind in the AM and get my restful smilely face on, but looking at these little kids sure makes it easier. (I'll brew some stronger coffee too)

Oh yeah, and the lesson from Alec? He is so full of love and affection I am at a loss for words. But he is not!

We were at the Pediatrician a few weeks ago for his 2 year check up (he was 26 months but who is counting?). Since Alec was only saying 20 words rather than 30-40 his doctor was a little concerned. So anyway, he tells us to wait until September, track his progress and then we will see if his slower speaking stage is caused by something else (such as hearing although we immediately thought that was not possible as Alec can track a plane with hearing the slightest sounds in the sky. My Mom is convinced he will be a pilot)

So as soon as we leave the doctor's office and every day since then... What happens? Alec starts saying every single word we say, Belllllla, Appl, Boooowl,caaar, two, mellllon, bottttle, cookie, weh weh (oh yeah, that is still not a word, but his word for licorice which he LOVES) and he doesn't stop.

Just when you think you know the stage they are in, they surprise you. I am beginning to really enjoy Motherhood. (did I actually just write that?)

Cool. (and Bon soir...)

Mirroring worlds

2006-07-16T14:18:00.000-04:00

Here is a common Sunday afternoon, the fan blowing since the humidity has reached a real high point. I am viewing our verdant garden from our library, and things seem really nice.

Listening to Madeline Peyroux (very smooth stuff) and drinking raspberry seltzer with a splash of lime. Cool.

While I am sitting here though, I am wondering how the world is handling these recent implosions. Haifa was bombed, which is the World Administrative Center of the Bahai Faith, the place where close friends of ours live, visit and serve. But it doesnt stop there, North Korea talks are at a low point while the UN tries to muster enough objection to prevent a veto from China; 25% of all children need pills in summer camp (yup, check the NY times,kids at camps need pills for treating their ADD, psychiatric problems or mood disorders... this is our America folks); Beirut is being bombed extensively and for some it is payback, for others it is unjustified tactic; US & Moscow falter on their recent trade talks; oil is going up, pricier and yet another pinch on the global economy; and the world keeps on spinning.

In my little microcosm of a world, I had some nice news this week. It started while we visited Max and his family at their home, while Max is recuperating and living on the outside. It was great to see this little man, giving life a try and still pushing each moment through, with smiles, playing, watching "thomas the train" and extending friendship to Bella and Alec. I also spoke to Samira's family, adn heard that Samira's son Ellis is doing great and Samira is better, still grappling with her limitations but getting on okay. It is still miraculous that she is okay and I am so encouraged by her survival.

Oh yeah, I also got promoted from Area Counsel, Director to Vice President Senior Counsel. I really appreciate that part of my life, as I have great people to work with and I do believe that a part of me, the true me gets expressed through my work; both from the spirtual sense and creatively. I am thankful for that, and love the extra pennies it adds to our monthly purse strings.

But through this all, the world affects and worries me. How can I better be part of the solution, rather than add to the complaining, worrying and the do nothing folks? I need to think about it...

Until next time, peace, really.

how i spent my vacation

2006-07-09T22:41:00.000-04:00

Green Acre

A place for friends, poetry, light and fulfillment

Meeting new souls with like minded hearts, so inspiring

Stories new, stories old over tea by the moonlight.

Children laughing, rolling down the greenest hills.

Sharing, encouraging, and strengthing our paths

As we all gaze at our Beloved, detached and knowing

That all will be all right, within His Trust...within His Trust.

Next Level Radio...and Merz

2006-06-26T20:49:00.000-04:00

I am trying to keep my faith vibrant, despite some really tough hardships that my dearest friends are going through right now. But sometimes it is personally difficult to get the energy and laughter back so easily. My kids are always a source of inspiration, and for that I am utterly grateful.

I recently came across two things that I wanted to share that helped calm my soul and was a source of inspiration.

If you have 3 segments of 30 minutes available, please fill them up at least one of them by listening to one of 3 podcasts from www.nextlevelradio.org. This new podcast now with its 3rd broadcast now availabe, is brought to you by a one of my favorite people, Will Morrison the 7th. He is utterly unique, humble, kind and the most genuine type of guy (a son of a blacksmith, Computer geek AND a DJ..need I say more?).

Through his Pod cast, he is finding new ways to share developments on musicians, rappers, poets and rock bands who all have a positive world embracing message. Listening to Will and his interviews, selections of music and dialogue around spirituality and art is a true inspiration. Not only for me, but for other start-up artists who are wondering if their message counts. I hope Will keeps on broadcasting, I can't wait for number 4.

On the same note, I also re-discovered music that I am swept up into and have listened and re-listened over the past few weeks. Merz, led by a Bahai named Conrad Lambert is an artist that I cannot get enough of. His latest LP Silvertree which is available on ITUNES is soulful, absolutely intoxicating and melts my heart. Especially Dangerous Heady Love Scheme. He is amazing, just amazing. (by the way, the band Coldplay thinks so too! check out their review on his site at www.merz.co.uk)

Enjoy, and one other bit of news, little Max laughed today... some of the best news I have heard in a while.

Eternal hope.

2006-06-25T20:21:00.000-04:00

I have a wonderful friend Samira,a beaming light like few others. She is joyful, energetic, deepened in her Faith, spiritual to the core and so fun to be with. I went to college with her and have known her since I was a teenager. She is the one who would accompany me to Chi Chi's to chat and eat chips when it was too tiring to study. We talked on endless nights about friendship, family, faith, guys, ideas of joy, of suffering...and we absolutely get each other, in an easy, no need to explain fashion. We also LOVED dancing to the Cure (Close to Me...)

Today I heard a story about her which brought me to tears because of the heartwrenching events that have unfolded in her life in the past week.

On a normal day, Samira, who is 8 months pregant, brought her 2 year old daughter home and unfastens her from the car seat to bring her daughter into her house. After she comes back outside she reaches to get her purse from inside the car, and the car starts to roll back while in park mode.

Samira was dragged down the hill with the car, and then was severely injured by the car as she had fallen and the car had ran her over. (!!!!, my mind cannot fully comprehend this last fact even now) With crushed ribs and collapsed lungs and many other internal injuries, she decided at that moment, laying on the street by her house, that if she didnt get up, that she would not survive. She some how got the superhuman strength to actually get to her neighbor's house and ring the bell.

After ringing the door bell of the neighbor, she asked them to keep an eye on her daughter...and to call 911. She was flown in a helicopter to the hospital.

Not only is she alive, but a miracle that she is and her new son is alive. Her baby was saved, despite a second by second life threatening operating procedure. The nurses, even with 23 years of experience called it a miracle baby and a miracle mom.

The little boy Ellis is now stronger and healthier than anyone could ever have anticipated, despite his first moments of life without any breath. Samira is in ICU, but is slowly getting a prognosis that seems to be a good one. The doctors, nurses, everyone, everywhere people are amazed, they are astonished at her miraculous survival and of her baby.

...Today after I heard the details of the accident, I couldnt help but to just cry, with both tears of joy that they are okay but also in a surreal sense of "Oh My God" my dearest friends are really suffering. First little Max, and now this incredulous event of Samira and her new baby boy. What do I do with this information? How do I compute this data into my life? These are people who are pushing beyond their means, they are absolutely courageous and treading on a path which tests their resolve, their life force and their ability to face life in the darkest hours. It makes me think of who we are, and the smallness of our lives.

A single moment can change our lives and shock us out of our limited sense of reality in a heartbeat.

I extend my deepest love, prayers and hope to my friends who are suffering beyond my worst nightmares as their events unfold before their eyes. But I still believe that they continue this fight because it is not yet over. Some how we are given these trials but I refuse to believe that we are alone. We are never left alone and even though the wisdom of the suffering may not be clear to us now, we have to trust, have faith, grab hold to our sense of reality and shift and move in the direction flexibily enough so we can somehow God willing, emerge wiser, stronger and maybe even victorious.

"O My servants! Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace."

-Bahá'u'lláh

Fate of a child

2006-06-13T20:59:00.000-04:00

The last several days I have not really thought too much about blogging. Instead I have been pondering, praying, hoping, wondering, frustrated, confused, detached and then calm...

A few days after my 11th year anniversary I heard horrible news that one of our dearest friend's son, who is 4 and a half years young is suffering from Stevens Johnson syndrome and T.E.N., Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis. The origin of how he got this is unclear, but the reality of this disease or condition is absolutely real. This wonderful child is in an intensive care burn unit in a very famous hospital in NY city, somewhere on the 8th floor, with many doctors, specialists and experts at this child's side. Incredibly, as this child goes through infections, sloughing of the skin, transfusions, and process after process, he is subjected to every kind of sophisticated treatment available in the world today; but no one knows how or what this will do, except that they hope for the best.

I watch as the parents listen, in a profoundly patient manner, the diagnosis, the possible prognosis and what is happening from skin to skin to their child. The parents themselves are medical doctors knowing exactly how or what the "experts" tell them, and they know the most significant truth...that there is no sure answer.

Moment by moment, more experts come by and offer their prayers, support and assistance while they try to unravel the mysteries that this condition has wrapped this child in. Despite all strides in medical science, many conditions such as the one here are unclear, mysterious and without a definite treatment. So what comfort can the parents have in the medical realm, where the best medical training in the country does not equip them for this trial?

The parents...our friends, are the kind of friends we consider as family, the kind that we love and wish for their happiness forever...despite time, distance or growth in this world. So strange that we used to double date before they were married, for dinners, movies, walks in NY city. These are the same people who almost forever ago from now, Pieter and I witnessed buying their engagement ring. The same people we encouraged to have their wedding in Central Park (they did...)

It seems so surreal. Now years later, the only important thing is their child's health; and keeping it together, especially for the sake of themselvers and for their daughter who is the same age as Alec.

I have been praying a lot, having a difficult time in focusing on my day to day frentic paced life while I think about this child born into this marriage that we witnessed as he is waiting for his fate. So many friends, family, strangers, old and young, even those who do not believe are praying so hard for this child. Everyone I know who knows about this has been taken swept up in this plight, hoping that all goes well, praying that despite all odds that he will in fact pull through.

So my blogging stuff has slowed down since I am waiting at this edge for news of his recovery, developments and condition. I only went to the hospital twice thus far, but really wish I could just stay there and support our friends Muni and John. Just to be there for a 24/7 hug, whenever needed anytime. I am wishing that Red Envelope has the gift that has unending Hope in a box, one that can encourage us in our deepest suffering and uplift us into knowing that everything WILL be all right.

For anyone out there, until that special Box arrives, please offer prayers of strength, courage, hope, love and healing.

So Max, my prayers will be with you tonight, dear little one, keep your strength up and continue your fight. We are all eagerly cheering you on...

NY Times article on persecutions of Bahá'ís

2006-06-01T23:33:00.000-04:00

Describing the latest arrests (see below Youth Persecution In Iran?) as the largest mass arrest since the 1980's, this article presents an overview of the alarming activities recently taking place in Iran on the persecution of the Bahá'ís.

Check out the link to the article written by Laurie Goodstein http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/01/world/middleeast/01bahai.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

As Iran continues to move the pendulum towards and away from nuclear threats, I cannot help to speculate what their agenda is, how far they will go and whether they are or even believe that they are unstoppable...

To New York and back, with love.

2006-05-29T21:23:00.000-04:00

For our 11th year anniversary, Pieter and I went to frequent the spots we used to go to, visit places we never have and reacquaint ourselves with our former home, Manhattan. We took the NY Waterway Ferry across from NJ to NY, the same ride we used to take everyday to get to work in NY. The boat was nice, and though cloudy, was still a great ride, all 6 minutes of it.

When we arrived, we went to Columbia Circle to the Mall on 59th which contained the flagship store of Williams-Sonoma and an array of other shops and restaurants (one with a review a great place to eat, but lunches costing a mere $300). Our experience was less than interesting, maybe because I didn't really care to splurge for anything that was unnecessary, nor did I find the high end boutiques pleasant. The fancy bakery that looked really good was a real let-down. How in the world could a $30 ham and cheese baguette and an almond brioche be stale and overly soggy respectively?? What-ever. The best part of the "mall" was walking down to the basement for some Heavenly teas from Whole Foods and then bringing our overpriced baguettes and wet brioche to Central Park, where we checked out a cool tree and ate lunch. Anyway, despite the oops factor, and the "better to go to Cosi for a GOOD sandwich" it was still a day of discovery, with more to come. After the park and checking out the new APPLE store uptown, we took a ride in the subways to go to Soho and revisit some of our favorite cafes.

The subway reminded me that NY is a city of strangers, often bumping into one another and exchanging the rituals of human communication, trust and kindness. Yes, this is NY, but I felt the warmth and the briskness of the city again. We had many smiles, short conversations, pictures that people volunteered to take (while holding 3 Hat boxes mind you)and through it all witnessed the symbiotic consciousness of the city. The funny element though that is often missing, is that you have to have the right EYES to see this. I found eye to eye contact in this panorama of movement can be extremely cold and distant, self-preserving with fear, or can enable one to connect completely as a fellow soul walking on the street.

For Pieter and myself, it often felt like the latter and we enjoyed it. Check out the cellist in the cafe which was located in an art gallery. So cool, and so NY.

Anyway, later after Iced coffees, Jamba juices etc, Pieter and I went to the opening weekend of AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, a very impressive film about reality that is not fun to hear; man's playground (Earth) needs some improvement and fast due to global warming. I was skeptical and cautious and was fully aware that I personally would not be swayed by suppositions only of "uncertain" or "unfounded" science regarding global warming. Instead, I wanted to wait for facts supported by uncontroverted details before I reach a conclusion, a process that may be intuitively supported by legal analysis tools I use everyday. This film provided the content...dead on, simple, and to the point. Facts like this do not need the Hollywood drama, stars or a great script to get the message across. If you can watch a film this summer, watch this one and become aware. I would offer that anyone who has a preconcieved notion of what global warming is, whether it is a myth or reality, keep your mind open and think for yourself. It may help mankind (or rather the Western world) prevent some of the worst manmade global crises from happening.

Towards the end of the night, after we reflected on the state of the world, as far as environment, global cooperation and pro active action was concerned, we needed to eat dinner.

The table is perfect, the restaurant like a second home, and the food, oh the food. Cornelia Street Cafe was our host for the evening, a place Pieter and I used to go to and loved each time for its simplicity, great food and warm atmosphere. We commenced with sharing a warm goat cheese salad on belgian endive; and then extended our journey with Bistro-perfect Steak Frites, and ended the wondrous meal with cappacino that made me want to linger in the City lights for the rest of the night. Here is quick pic with me holding the candle in awe of our surroundings, evening and overall celebration of our anniverary.

The day was memorable and every bit special. It was like seeing our old friend again. With some friends, it is great to visit, but better to keep a distance. It was nice to see that we both were so thankful for our 5 year experience in and around the city, but even happier that we could come home. (A special Hartelijk Bedankt to Carolina for taking care of Bella and Alec ALL day and being a fantastic Oma (making pancakes with them and all). We couldnt have had the day without your generosity, kindness and love.

When We Dance...

2006-05-26T16:57:00.000-04:00

Eleven years ago tomorrow, the most wonderful event happened that changed the rest of my life. I made a promise to someone and these were the words I heard on that most wonderful day while we had our 1st dance as husband and wife on May 27, 1995:

Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'll come and be my wife
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm gonna try in every way
Cathedrals are broken
Heaven's no longer above
And hellfire's a promise away
I'd still be saying
I'm still in love
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I never thought it would come true, but it has. What started as an unexpected yet wonderful email correspondance in 1994 became the start of an incredible intense shared friendship and partnership that would last and endure through today with utter love and respect while setting each other free as we grow & learn through this thing called life.

Happy anniversary to my greatest love and best friend Pieter Bas. I look forward to the rest of time by your side.

Youth persecution in Iran?

2006-05-23T00:15:00.000-04:00

I received an heart wrenching email around midnight that 57 Bahá'í youth were recently arrested in Shiraz. They were taken captured, and imprisoned...I supposed by the authorities. I do not know any details, or have I verified with any news agency. As much as I hope (and pray) it is not true, it could be.

Today also commemorates a holy day for Bahá'ís, with the Declaration of the Báb, which began the "Bahá'í era". 163 years ago, the Báb, the prophet-herald of the Bahá'í Faith, announced in the same city of Shiraz, that he was the herald of a new messenger of God and with that new messenger, a new age in which a new type of society, one of unity, and world peace.

Commencing with the announcement of the Báb, Bahá'ís believe the coming of Bahá'u'lláh opened the age for the establishment of world peace, when, as anticipated in the sacred scriptures of the past, all humanity will achieve its spiritual and social maturity, and live as one united family in a just, global society. Bahá'ís believe that there is one God, that all humanity is one family, and that there is a fundamental unity underlying religion. Interesting note that the night of the Declaration of the Báb coincided with the 1st transmission in Morse code in 1844 with the following words: “What hath God wrought?”

Is this a religion that deserves persecution?? More than 20,000 Bahá'ís have already died, people have been killed in the past and in the recent present. Now today, of all days, more youth, YOUTH, students, kids, not adults, but youth have been captured and imprisoned???!!!

I will not recount all the history of the Bahá'í persecutions in the past, (go to Bahai.org/iranthreat for more history and information) but I am constantly and utterly numbed at how this can persist even through today.

I know that recently, there has been fear that the attack on the Bahá'ís would get worse. The White House even took note.(See blog entry on White House responds). It is happening, it is happening, the fear has become reality.

The only thing I know what to do is to say prayers for these youth, for strength, courage, safety and their return, and that as these events take hold, as the world takes notice, that action will follow thought, and voices will be heard to change this situation, before it gets too late.

A Second Life

2006-05-17T23:28:00.000-04:00

If you could do something different, what would it be? Would you change yourself? Change your life? I am on a constant quest for betterment in the world, through the micro-actions of my life. Hopefully they will at least affect some change; at least for Isabella and Alec. I have my own type of instruction booklet guided by principle, hard work, discipliine and utter sincerity of heart. Much of what I do is inspired by my Bahá’í sense of purpose, peppered with my personality and experience as a woman, mother, lawyer, friend and soulmate.

If I didnt have this path though, where would I be? What would I have done? Well, for some of us, there is a second reality available to you for free, as long as you have the internet, can download an application and connect.

"Second life". A place that was created by Linden Labs to set in motion a new virtual community filled with keyboard communicators across the world. So far there are about 180,000 (or so) members from around the world loggin in at different times or at the same time to discover the areas navigatable by your specially made, customized moving and virtual living avatar.

My avatar's name is Alanna and I have purple hair with red eyes, and long hair. Even in the virtual world I can't seem to settle for a hair cut. I log in by clicking on an icon that resembles a green gloved hand and enter...

This is a fascinating place where anyone can be anyone and walk through computer generated lands, discovering things, people, creativity, art, places that satisfy our lower nature and many other areas which I have not ventured into to discover. I personnaly still having trouble navigating with arrows, page ups and page downs (which help you fly). I wish I had a GPS system to get around but no such luck. So anyway, I get online, stay on for about 15 minutes and then log off. I seem not to have the patience to linger, learn and slowly find my way. I walk into trees, dip into water and fly backwards a lot.

My graceful husband (as Scott) of course has already found out how to sail a boat, not surprising of course based on his innate skills at navigating, discovering and acquiring knowledge. Plus he misses sailing on this planet (he once spotted Duran Duran on their yacht while he was sailing!!!)

Where can this virtual community lead to? In a perfect world, perhaps dialogue, growth, empathy and communication. In fact I think there are some university sponsored learning centers that have launched virtual lectures there as well. That sounds cool. The other telling item is that many areas of the virtual community are built by members online, they own the IP rights (as long as they share the coding with the owners, an open source type sharing tool for the master coders)and folks can charge Linden Dollars which can accumlate into real Earthling dollars. Interesting business models...collaborative development through a voluntary system with shared opportunities and possible benefits leading to profits, creative expression and...

Well, I will hold off on judging or commenting on the future of this place just yet and will revisit this item later on. For now, I'll get back to my reality... my primary (1st) life.

Peace.

Nish stops.

2006-05-10T22:13:00.000-04:00

I was sick for 2 days. This entry is really a reflection about when we are stopped in our tracks.

I had to actually call in sick two days in a row. I never do that, and yet I had to with a fever that would not go away and a headache etc that prevented me from focusing, reading or even responding to my blackberry. I slept longer in bed than I can ever recall, looking at the clock as it hit the AM's and then the afternoon and into evening, with little motivation for me to get up. I did finally to eat some wasa crackers and to drink some water and hang out with my kids. But the experience was surreal.

I have also found out that Alec loves to hang out with me at my worst moments, wanting to be held and just to sit with me. My daughter meanwhile comes to my room, sits on my bed and asks whether I am feeling better. When I am sick I am not in the mood to chat or hang out, but with kids like these, who can resist?

P has been wonderful during these two days, as his work schedule on his book has become topsy turvy dependent on how the house is going, whether he can feel good enough to leave the house while I am less than better. I wish my illness didnt impact him at all, but in reality what I go through, he goes through too, for good or for bad. As a quick example, he slept in our "office" at night, on an old couch/bed which is not very comfortable, but since I have had such sleepless nights, it was his only hope for a full night sleep. Actually he awoke 5 times each night, with a sore back and probably feeling more tired than when he went to bed. He is really a sweetie.

Anyway, I came back to life today...almost. One of the Nancy's at work (there are three...) looked at me said I should go home, and wondered if I got any work done. Well, it was a better day than yesterday and although I did not get all the stuff done, I did make a dent in my workload.

I do not like getting "stopped" in my tracks, but I have to let go, be detached and let others help out. My work-mates (thanks Judy and Nancy) were amazingly supportive, helpful and very kind; my family was great, and even though everyone kept on going, they didnt make me feel bad that I couldnt.

Nice to sometimes stop, since only at those times, does one know who will help you go forward.

Discovery...

2006-04-30T22:15:00.000-04:00

Alec turned 2 nine days ago. He is a cutie pie who lights up my life with every funny glance, sad look, demanding sounds and when he says "Hooo hoooo" whenever he sees a train. He is on a path of discovery with everything, and it is incredible to witness it. Every bird, dog, plane, big truck excites him and he just follows them, even says hello, and good bye (I try not to worry when he pets little dogs, and big dogs...)

I hope his discovery will never end.

I am currently thinking a lot of about discovery, and self-knowledge. By coicidence, or maybe by design, this coming Saturday Pieter and I will host another "Spiritual Cafe" and the theme will be independent investigation of truth.

As preparation for the Spiritual Cafe meeting, I came up with a few questions that popped up in my mind as content rich for the discovery question.

How much of life have you chose, how much is chosen for you?

What does it mean to see truth independently?

Do you think about your actions?

Have you found your reason for living?

How many people have researched the religion they were "born" in, instead of just being without knowing?

Is your life your own, or is it mirroring someone else's dreams?

What is truth?

Have you ever searched for it?

Do you want to?

Should you?

How?

The last question is in my mind, as I have had a similar question-answer dialogue with someone very close to me, and it is a hard answer. If a person is willing to search and find their reason of being, what and how do they do it? Reading? Experiencing? Living?

Maybe just trying a bit each day and learning something new each day with an attitude of discovery is more important than the wisdom gained in the process.

Recently, I saw a clip on Oprah that was inspiring. A 98 year old man after a life of illeteracy finally decided to learn how to read. A ninety-eight year old man. Not 40, 55, or even 70 but 98. Wow. The phrase Your are never too old to learn, imprinted in my mind as a great example to tell anyone who is afraid to learn new things.

I guess this proves that we humans have a true capacity to learn, discover and gain new insights whether we are 2 or 98. Wonderful that this is an everlasting quest, as long as we want it (and believe it).

Beauty in the breakdown.

2006-04-16T21:20:00.000-04:00

Pieter and I took Bella and Alec to the Sculpture Garden in Hamilton NJ and we hung out, walked through the park, viewed sculpures, danced around them and had a really nice time.

This is a great unexpected result, since taking kids to anywhere can always be unpredictable. Plus, when we read about the gardens on the Internet, it seemed very strict and foreboding "no talking loud, this is a contemplative space, no running..."

So, we took our chances, cut up some apple to bring for a snack, loaded up on cups and waters for the kids as Pieter and I filled up our mugs to bring fresh fair trade coffee (thanks Bradley!)as we drove over there. Luckily, the kids were as excited and happy to see the art as we had hoped. Anyway, after we got there, we first went to a water sculpture area, saw a live peacock much to our surprise, and continued on our journey, spotting secret service men looking statues, abstract pieces that just make you say hmmmmmm, animals, nature pieces and more. Each one was fitted around nature, surrounded by grass, trees, and or near water as if the nature was half of the show. Plus since the weather was absolutely gorgeous, the whole event was sun filled, cool weather and perfect for walking.

There were so many moments of watching the kids view this stuff for the 1st time, asking questions of how it sculptures are put together, posing queries on what "marble" is, or how a something looks as if it is flying. I think that Pieter and I were gathering their comments in our mind's collection of moments to keep: "Wow loooooook at that..."I wish I could hop scotch on it!" or Alec amazed and growling at a sculpture dog.

Most of the day was filled with these moments, observing their faces, laughing at their expressions of surprise, awe of nature, art and the world in general.

Cool.

Tickets to Sculpture gardens: 36 dollars
Price of map and guidebook: 3 dollars
Price of the apple and water bottles: 2 dollars.
Watching your kids dancing like a sculpture...Priceless.

The rides.

2006-04-12T21:42:00.000-04:00

Has anyone ever gone on a "Tower of Terror" or an "Aerosmith rock roller coaster"?? I did, at the famous Disney World MGM studios last week. I was there on business for the annual "sales kickoff" in Orlando, Florida. As part of the IP legal team, we had a break out session, but took part in the huge events at night. So I actually went on a Star Wars ride, watched a 3D movie starring the Muppets, entered the Tower of Terror elevator drop, drop again, and drop again and cautiously closed my eyes while I took a ride on the Aerosmith roller coaster. Hint, closing your eyes during a turn twisty ride is NOT good for the balance. At the end of the night, I was NOT pleased.

I kept on asking my friends and colleauges there, why do we as Americans create this type of self-contrived thrill contraptions...what is it about US that can build, spend tons of money and forget about the world at large, creating menu choices of an array of rides, thrills and terror?

I got some interesting responses,
1) the Americans are bored;
2) We have "so little time" to vacation so it is important to escape!
3) "Why not??"
4) silence

I am not sure if there is one answer, though I suspect it has to do with our consumption attitude and ability to provide a supply a demand for fun unlike anywhere else. I do not want to judge this at all, and frankly I heard TONS of people enjoy themselves, laugh like crazy and just relaxed with the hazy reality that set in. I did feel that the "Disney World" experience is similar to living through a spectactular Broadway musical all day and night. Watching a show...being part of the show and never leaving the audience. I guess this is what the place is about.

One day, I may bring Isabella and Alec to Disney World so Pieter and I can introduce them to the vast playground. I cannot see spending more than a few days, but experiencing how our culture relates to the phenomenon of vacation is at the very least highly intriguing. But only after I show them my world...

We will have to see NY (sooner than later as we are planning a trip to Central Park this spring), Paris, France, the place I adore ever since I studied in France in 1989, we will definitely visit family and all our 'gezellig' places in Holland (next summer if all goes well), my family's heritage in Pakistan (Pieter and I are aiming for within the next 2-3 years), the Bahá'í Houses of Worship (the Lotus temple in New Dehli, India is on the top of our list after the one in Chicago) and Haifa, at the Bahá'í world center, where Pieter and I went for Pilgrimage back in 97. That place had the greatest ride of all, a spiritual one, but everlasting and definitely beyond this world.

Dear Congressman

2006-04-04T09:33:00.000-04:00

There are few people who wield enough power collectively and individually that can move this nation into action. This is the reason I am writing you, and I hope that you will listen.

On March 20, a confidential letter of the Iranian Government was made public by the U.N. Special Rapporteur on Freedom of Religion or Belief. Based on this letter, it has become known that the Iranian government will be tracking the whereabouts of 300,000 Iranian Bahá’ís (largest religous minority in Iran) and will be monitoring their activities.

This is an alarming step that will possibly evolve in a systematic increase of persecutions of Bahá’ís. In the not so distant past, the Iranian government has committed grave crimes against the Iranian Bahá’ís, denial of higher education, removal of voting rights, torture, desecration of cemetaries,unjustified imprisonment, and murder. Justification was spun into baseless allegations that the Bahá’í Faith is a threat to the wellbeing of the Iranian government. The true basis? Religious hatred by Islamic fundamentalists who view the Bahá’í Faith as a threat to Islam particularly because the progressive position on women's rights, independent investigation of truth, and education.

I most respectfully urge you to review this issue thoroughly, discuss it with your fellow Congressmen, encourage a dialogue and contact others. Let the United States take a strong stand and raise a call to Iran to STOP the oppressive treatment and of the Bahá’ís.

This is a plea, not because I am myself an Iranian Bahai,not because I have been tortured or imprisoned by that country. I am simply a female American, born and raised in this country, who found out about the Bahá’í Faith during high school who found that actually it was possible to find a religion that demonstrated in deeds not words that elimination of all prejudice, world peace, equality for women and men, universal education, harmony of science and religion, no clergy, independent search for truth to see truth through my own eyes and not judged by others, was actually written within the precepts of a world wide religion with six million other souls.

A religion that engenders love, tolerance and utter and complete respect for every world religion today and in the past. How else could every Bahá’í temple have 9 sides representing each world faith and the physical unity of all religions?? This is my religion, this is my faith and it is unfair, unjust and completely insane that 300,000 believers in another country have to suffer for finding the same belief and who want but are threatened to practice this faith.

Please help.

White House reaction...

2006-03-29T22:23:00.000-05:00

Here is an excerpt of an article published by the Bahai World News Service:
WASHINGTON, 29 March 2006 (BWNS) -- At the 28 March 2006 White House press briefing, Spokesman Scott McClellan said President George Bush is concerned over last week's announcement by a UN official that government persecution of the Baha'is in Iran is intensifying.

In response to a reporter's question, Mr. McClellan called on the Iranian regime to respect the religious freedom of all of its citizens and indicated the President would continue to monitor the situation of the Baha'is very closely. He also said the United States would continue to speak out and urge other countries in the region and the United Nations to defend the rights of the Baha'is and other religious minorities in Iran.

Q: What pressure would you urge, perhaps, other countries to put on Iran?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think we will talk with ambassadors of other countries in the region and raise this issue with them, and with their governments. We will continue to speak out and to raise this issue, the treatment of the Baha'is, in the United Nations and other organizations, and to ask all those who have any sort of influence in Tehran to continue to defend the rights of the Baha'i and other religious minorities.

The full transcript of the March 28 White House press briefing is available at www.whitehouse.gov/news/briefings.

Writer's block...for a good cause

2006-03-28T21:49:00.000-05:00

I need to write to the Senate and House of Representatives to inspire, ask or to simply demand that they take action for the latest developments coming out of Iran regarding the threats posed to Iranian Bahá’í community. I want to send them a letter asking them to help, because they, unlike most people, can actually do something about it. The situation in Iran is getting worse. The newspapers within that country are enabling articles and ads that harbor hate and create an illusion that the Bahá’ís are at fault or should be blamed for something. Perhaps all the recent pressure from the US or Europe regarding the Iranian Governments most extreme comments have spurred the Iranians to find a scape goat, and maybe the Bahá’í's are an easy target. Soldiers of peace usually are, and as history has shown, the Iranian government has been unfortunately very fond of trying to destroy the Bahá’ís.

Everytime I sit down to write the letter(s), I am unsure how I should present these issues. My day job requires me to write constantly, define situations, negotiate issues, clarify grey areas and to wield my pen to create a snapshot of the final concepts of the negotiated deal on paper; often for a multi-million dollar deal.

But now? How do I express something so close to my heart, to someone I do not know? And this person is a real potential powerhouse who can create legislation, push an agenda and possibly inspire international action...

Well, maybe it is more about the heart and weaving the right sentiment rather than the perfect words...(to be continued)

Oppression in Iran continues...

2006-03-22T22:32:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article published by Bahá'í World about a re-emergence of threats to Bahá'ís in Iran. (the link to an overview of Bahai persecution is available by clicking the title above). In summary, it said that the the UN Special Rapporteur on freedom of religion or belief was very concerned about a confidential letter sent last Fall by a high level military official of the Armed Forces in Iran to many government agencies stating that a new instruction is issued to monitor and keep tabs on all members of the Bahá'í faith. This notice serves as likely proof that they will increase persecutions and discrimination against Bahá'ís in Iran. Just like they did in the 70's 80's and 90's.

Already the Bahá'ís are barred from seeking higher education, what will they gain from knowing about every single Bahá'í in the country? Who knows when this will stop. Especially if the target based on the confidential letter is aimed at all Bahá'ís in Iran, which numbers the largest religious minority in the country (350K).

The basis? Religious hatred by Islamic fundamentalists who view the Bahá’í Faith as a threat to Islam. Based on the article above, "...The progressive position of the Faith on women’s rights, independent investigation of truth, and education has particularly rankled Muslim clerics."

I am reading about these events and shudder to think how more people will go through even more injustice, lose their rights to go to school, lose their lives, family, dignity etc. More of the same. This happened before...

About a month ago we had a visitor from California, a wonderful smart graceful woman who is a truly radiant person. Pieter and I ended up sharing many late nights with her raising issues that were insightful, deep and inspiring at the same time. From my perspective, I felt like she understood so much about me, what experiences we both suffered through and had in common...and yet lived such different lives. Anyway, her family was from Iran, and even though they lived in the US after leaving Iran and unable to return after the revolution, her father did. When he arrived back to reclaim his home, possessions, memories, he was imprisoned and could not come home. They did not know when or if they would ever see him again. Many years passed before he was ever released, after going through hell being moved from prison to prison, never knowing if he will live, see his family again or see the light of day.

This was not a story from a revolutionary time from long ago, this is recent, this 21st century global civilization with the Internet, blogger's, intertwined economy binding ties among countries, peoples and lifestyles. This was not just another movie reflecting what could happen in things got worse.

I watched V for Vendetta about a futuristic Britian that was run by a dictator aiming to keep unity and peace in a nation through creatively spinning the media, intolerance, injustice and at times murder torture and imprisonment. In walks in the Guy Fawkes mask wearing revolutionary (or terroist depending on your view) who attempts to knock sense into complacent masses of society who sense the injustice but who feel powerless until this symbol of rebellion awakes their collective self-conscience.

As I reviewed the critics of the film, I found some who loved it and praised the film, and others who vehemently found it far fetched, lacking depth and integrity. It occurs to me, that the "far fetched" concept is just not so far off...

I am not sure what the impact of this new development in Iran will come to light. If the past poses any insight, there may be many more friends of ours who will suffer as a result of this newly charged enthusiasm against the Bahá'ís. However, I have to retain hope that the Bahá'í international Community (the NGO I interned during my second year of law school that taught me amazing lessons about diplomacy, injustice and how to tactfully defend human rights) will be assisted by several governments and organizations that will demand that further human right violations on a people of a religion that is based on world peace, be stopped, prevented and removed as an agenda item of that country.

Water...

2006-03-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

I recently watched the movie Constant Gardener, with Ralph Fiennes, a movie adapted and directed by Fernando Meirelles (directed "City of God") from a book by John LeCarre. It was a thriller about a few individuals that tried to stop a pharmaceutical company and its Government backers from conducting fatal drug-testing on several African (nameless) victims in the name of corporate profits.

The acting was great, and one of the main characters was a woman named Tessa,(played by Rachel Weiss who won an Academy Award for her performance) a cheerful, energetic, passionate person who could not let go of the oppression, injustice and blind eyes that so many others were taking to the situation. I was applauding her...but her insistence on giving the victims a voice cost her life. It was a well directed movie that presented yet another view on how corporate profiteering and nationalistic pursuits can run along a very dangerous, hurtful path.

One part of the movie was not fiction. The filming of the villages was not contrived. The "sets" where the film took place was based on and actually created from real-life settings, no extras needed, no creation of thatched roofs, no planned landscapes that reflected lack of vegetation or water. It was already there.

As the features of the DVD revealed the footage taken in Kenya, it was amazing to see that there are whole villages where no water or septic systems or electricity is present. No water, no facilities for plumbing, no electrical outlets for the IPOD.

This impression of the realities of these villages impacted me more than I anticipated. I am not sure why now, but somehow, with this story fresh in my mind it hit home.

How lucky I found myself in my own situation, living in the part of the world where electricity, water, everything is in uber-abundance. The endless hot showers, the dishwashing of dishes (even if the dishwasher is not full), the lights left on in the house when no on is in the room. By the way, I all of sudden have been more cognizant of how I can personally contribute. I just feel so silly I never really thought about it more. I don't like sterotypes, but I wonder if my thoughtlessness qualifies for being so "American".

Just to see where the world is on this issue, here is a disturbing irony (thanks Pieter for finding this...):

One of the U.N. Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) is to halve, by 2015, the proportion of people without sustainable access to drinking water and sanitation, but the United Nations says this may not be achieved. Why? Not enough money to sustain the goal.

The United Nations estimates that it would cost $6.7 billion a year to
meet MDG targets on water and sanitation - compared to the $17 billion spent by Europe and the United States annually on pet food.

Wow. Why can't we get our priorities straight???

Alec's turn

2006-03-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

So a quick update on the situation. Alec is now in the middle of his illness as well. Took him to the Doctor yesterday, (thank God we found the BEST pediatricians only 4 minutes away from our house; both of them have been our absolute savior the day after Alec was born...we were referred to them in the Princeton hospital after Alec was born). Anyway, Alec's doctor who is also Bella's saw the same symptoms, and got the same medication. Its funny though, because Alec gets HIGHLY annoyed when he is sick and just overall gets frustrated. The pic posted was taken this morning. He is not happy. Bella meanwhile is trying to find her sunshine again. Two kids, different styles.

By the way, I have also been sick due to my own sinus infection but have been very slow in recovery because of the sleepless nights. However, I am steering clear of self-pity. I tried it yesterday and not much helped. I took off from work sick (rarity) and through all the doctor visits, clean ups of the kid's accidents (Alec threw up 3 times, once at the Dr. once at the store, and once in the parking lot)I was resorting to a lot of feeling bad for myself. "How can I rest while these kids are sick?" "How is this fasting period any good for me when I have to eat to get better?" "I would love to go to NY city with Pieter and hang out in a cafe again..." The last thought is always present on my mind, during sickness or health.

Today I feel better, it is a sunny Saturday, the kids are slowly recuperating and I realize that my own pity feelings will not get me to feel better, in fact quite the opposite. So instead, I'll go slowly, moment by moment, enjoy a sip of coffee, and hopefully get some rest that I needed. Or at least sit outside a bit and get some vitamin D.

1 more thing, I guess at times, these limitations can still help us learn new things. I need to "reframe" this situation, see it differently and hopefully retain the contententment and even happiness for this weekend. I will end this rambling thought with a quote from Marcel Proust: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in making new landscapes but in having new eyes."

Physical limitations

2006-03-07T18:56:00.000-05:00

Today is March 7th I think. We had a great weekend, a wonderful Spiritual Cafe about faith and religion. It was another long night that lasted until about 1 AM. We had 12 people in all, and I felt really blessed at the end of it all wondering how lucky we are to hear from so many people and to dialogue about stuff that mattered.

This weekend, although special was also focused a bit on illness. I had a sinus infection, Isabella was coughing a lot, Alec seemed to be fine, but kept on drinking from Bella's water and made me worry about the consequence. Anyway it turns out that on Monday when we took Bella to the doctor, she has bronchitis. This is not a new thing, as she has had this many times before. I just wish it was less often. It seems since she was 6 days old, Pieter and I are holding on to our seats waiting for the next diagnosis, ear infections, small nasal passage, virus, bronchitis, roseola, even Coxsackie virus. I guess it isnt surprising that she tells me that she wants to be a doctor (and a lawyer, a baker, a singer and a writer...)

Oh yeah I watched the Academy Awards on Sunday. This has been my little tradition that my tolerant patient husband joins me in. He is really sweet to be there with me and to cheer when people get recognized for their acheivements. Anyway, Pieter and I were pretty psyched that "Crash" won. Most of the movies we generally miss in the theatre due to the kid/baby factor, but a few end up in our DVD player or even a movie theatre once every 6 months. Of the ones we did see we loved Crash and Syrianna, both of which were excellent; the actors were stellar, the story lines intense and the perspective they provided on current day society was refreshing, sad and piercing. Cool stuff.

Well, now 2 of us are on medication (myself and Bella thus far) and tonight I am taking care of Isabella and Alec. Isabella has vomited 7 or 8 times today already. My sweet Bella. Not much I can do except to just be there, hold away her hair while she resigns to her fate. This is the quietest time for her. She neither complains or cries. She just seems to accepts her fate in a contented manner. Well, actually to be more precise, she really does not understand WHY she has to be sick so much. The impact on her life is hitting her closer to home. My heart broke yesterday when I heard that she cried for about 30 minutes straight yesterday because she had to miss her very first swimming lesson. This was something she was looking forward to and counting the days for the past month (really).

Tonight I offered her a popsicle shaped like a crayon to hydrate her, and she said no. She is afraid of vomiting again. I'll let her rest, as she is watching Heffalump, OOPS NOW IT IS NINE TIMES a winnie the pooh movie.

Physcial limitations on a 5 year old. I cannot do much but wait, guide her and hopefully let her know its all right.

Ayyam-i-Ha

2006-02-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

This year, Ayyam-i-Ha was celebrated at our home, with kids opening presents, attending a community (cluster wide) party, and going out to dinner with friends in Princeton. The event(s) were nice but still a beginning of a tradition which is undefined and still in its infancy. A few things I know for sure about the holiday:

1) It is a time for charity, gift giving and fellowship
2) It is a time of year to prepare for the Fast which will begin March 2 and end March 20
3) We should provide "good cheer" to our family, poor and the needy

So Pieter and I decided that the "gift" part should be commemorated with one gift per day, which we have been doing since we have been married (11 years now). With kids the celbration and gift giving is WAY more exciting. In some ways although we think we are starting a new tradition, it is a real one for our kids.

Isabella told all her school friends about Ayyam -i-Ha, not the purpose or anything but that it is a holiday of 4-5 days and that each day she will get a present! Her school mates did not believe such a thing could happen, NO WAY!!! they replied. In fact Bella was wondering why no one believed it, since she certainly knew about it...

Pieter & I were wondering, should we buy little presents for each child? Should we show the children in their class what the holiday is for? Not this year, we will start slow and hopefully one day we can organize a party, share it with all her friends and maybe even do a service project so they we can give something back to the community.

As far as preparation for this fast, I am incredibly nervous about it this year. My work is in the BUSIEST fiscal month year end and I will need to most likely work double time and more overtime than normal. I am unclear how I will survive without my cups of tea and coffee during the day. Hmmm, maybe I should eat a really healthy breakfast before sunrise and have a large cup of coffee to perhaps get me through the day? Well, it starts on March 2, I'll see.

I have been reading more about Fasting in the Bahai writings. Although I came from a background family that was Muslim, and am aware of fasting since I was little, I still know less than I should as it relates to the Bahai perspective. I read through writings of Abdul'Baha (son of Baha'u'llah Prophet founder of the Faith) and he describes in one of his replies to a question that Fasting has many wisdoms.

One of the new interesting things I read was that the Fast was experienced by each one of the Prophets of God, starting at least with Moses, then Jesus and Mohammed. Theirs lasted around 40 days. In fact, the early Christians used to fast as well but then it was later changed to lent type observances. Anyway, part of the point of the fasting (abstaining from food and drink from sunrise to sunset) is to endure similar experiences as the Prophets of God, those whom we follow or admire and come to love for their sacrifices. In addition, fasting is meant to give us an idea of what the poorer among us go through. That is humbling. Finally, it can be a catalyst to a spiritual awakening of man (or woman as the case may be.)

If I can do this in 2006, endure the experience of fasting, spiritually awaken myself better, and maybe pause at my work to reflect, engage to reach a different level, I would be better for it. And maybe I will not even miss my tea and coffees.

(By the way, Happy Ayyam-i-Ha to you!)

Isabella sings...and more inspiring moments

2006-02-16T21:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. It started with a 5 minute YOGA practice before I got Bella and Alec ready for school & continued for the rest of the day. I even made a reference to the famous Shakespearean phrase: "The first thing we do, is kill all the lawyers..." One day I will comment on that more deeply, but I sent it to my colleague today in jest. Work was insane as always, but still incrediby productive and I cannot complain. Things are going pretty well, I had to rush through the day though since Isabella had a singing concert tonight. (Only 5 and her 2nd singing concert in history)

At first I have to admit I was not very motivated to go...I was a bit tired (following yesterday's blog) and not sure that Isabella was well enough to go. Here is a pic of her when she is well, contemplative and all joy with her brother Alec.
She has been coughing all day and I am not sure if she fully recovered from a recent ear infection. (note to parents: Do these ever go away or are the kid ears forever susceptible??)

Anyway, I got to the high school where she was performing (5 year old in a high school is a bit daunting) and I was so happy, inspired and warm and fuzzy all over as she went on stage, sang a song in a native African language and then a peace song in Hebrew. Wonderful...All these children, of differing backgrounds, cultures etc. learning about the peaceful tunes that hit the heart. Very nice. The concert was great, Alec was a little miffed at having to sit in a chair or on my lap but overall he was good. Thank goodness I had some licorice and a mini box of Nerds to keep them busy after she sang.

Tonight, I was thrilled to hear the in progress but soon to launch NEXT LEVEL RADIO podcast by my Bahá’í brother Will (soon to be famous DJ from Michigan roots living in Hillsborough, NJ) If you go to Nextlevelradio.org, you will hear the beginnings of a new monthly podcast about inspiring creative artists, writers, poets and other humans from around the world. His test launch is so good. He does a great service, opening the world to people by introducing and commenting on what gets us to the "NEXT LEVEL" and presumably a better place. He focuses on cutting edge stuff while being uplifting. If you have a chance to go to the site, please do listen, download and enjoy.

I am now going to work out and watch the Olympics...and then read some of Life of Pi. I finally started reading this book and find the insight provided about oneness of religion fantastic. The main character insists on being a Hindu, Christian and Muslim because he sees so many similarities and spiritual truth in each. Of course, he feels a bit alone in his quest (thus far in the book) and few can even understand his views. So cool...the book reminds me of one of the core Bahá’í concepts of oneness of religion, Pi should know he is so not alone since 6 million others see the same truth. : )

Looking for the reboot button

2006-02-15T20:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, as a Mom of two, worker, spiritual soldier in this spinning world etc. etc. I get really really tired. It is probably evidence of lack of detachment and spiritual perception. However...it hits. Especially as I edge toward an older range of years (20's where are you??) and find that less energy still suprises me. Should it be like this? I wonder whether working out and getting back into really prime shape will enable me to have a greater sense of composure physically mentally and all around. Not sure, but it cannot hurt. (as long as I do not gain that sense of silly vanity that used to dust and veil me from my truer self). Maybe this is my winter, a cold moment while the roots need rejuvenation.

Some words of wisdom should assist me I think. I should post something. I'll be back.

Cool. Found something:

‘Abdu’l-Bahá said:

You are all very welcome, and I love you all most dearly.
Day and night I pray to Heaven for you that strength may be yours, and that, one and all, you may participate in the blessings of Bahá’u’lláh, and enter into the Kingdom.
I supplicate that you may become as new beings, illumined with the Divine Light, like unto shining lamps, and that from one end of Europe to the other the knowledge of the Love of God may spread.
May this boundless love so fill your hearts and minds that sadness may find no room to enter and may you with joyful hearts soar like birds into the Divine Radiance.
May your hearts become clear and pure like unto polished mirrors in which may be reflected the full glory of the Sun of Truth.
May your eyes be opened to see the signs of the Kingdom of God, and may your ears be unstopped so that you may hear with a perfect understanding the Heavenly Proclamation sounding in your midst.
May your souls receive help and comfort, and, being so strengthened, may they be enabled to live in accordance with the teachings of Bahá’u’lláh.
I pray for each and all that you may be as flames of love in the world, and that the brightness of your light 96 and the warmth of your affection may reach the heart of every sad and sorrowing child of God.
May you be as shining stars, bright and luminous for ever in the Kingdom

(This was taken from 'Paris Talks' UK Bahá’í Publishing Trust, 1972 eleventh edition as reprinted from www.reference.bahai.org)

Nuff said.

Reunion of the best kind

2006-02-09T19:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I had an amazing experience. I am currently away on a business trip for CA, coordinating ways to improve our legal department in our region. Besides being very productive, I have had 2 great meetings that I will not soon forget.

The first was a lunch meeting with a fellow IP attorney who is also a Bahá'í brother and motivated in career and spirit to be in service to others. He is also very busy serving as an Auxiliary Board Member, and a senior lawyer for a telecommunications company and a family man... Cool and inspiring.

I was so happy to meet with him, to hear and identify ways that Bahai lawyers can push towards the cutting edge of the law...express and study concepts that have not yet been explored. Such as? The Bahá'í Perspective on Intellectual Property Ownership...Woah, totally wild and interesting possibilities. We were discussing ways to provide insight to a profession that typically may not view current issues through this new perspective. If we were for example to make service to humanity a priority, and the legal profession to assist in this process, how would laws and equity be best served?

Anyway, that was the 1st part of my great reunion. Did I mention I had lunch with him at a Thai restaurant having beef with basil and rice?? Nice.

After my meetings at work, I invited my close long time friend who is already mentioned in this blog (love and sadness at the same time entry). We had a blast. We met at the hotel I was staying at, chatted, laughed, giggled, reviewed the last 5 years identified how we grew, what we learned, that we both absolutely LOVE 24!! And, we saw part of the Grammies and had fun commenting on the rock masters of the day (U2 winning was an extra treat). My meeting with her was another huge unexpected reward of how friendships, as long as they can last (ours is 21 years now) can be everlasting warm blankets that we can cozy up to.

I think the element of friendship that is the hardest to sustain through the years is an unconditional type of acceptance, realizing that the person may have to go through difficult periods, enduring those periods with patience and then being there with open arms whenever the opportunity presents itself. and if not, waiting until it does. But wow, when it does, it can be awesome. Just awesome.

On the cutting edge...

2006-02-07T22:43:00.000-05:00

The following is a cool article that is written (by P) and posted at the Central Jersey Bahai website about the Spiritual Cafe we had last Saturday...check it out in the NEWS section at www.centraljerseybahai.org!

HILLSBOROUGH, NJ, 4 February 2006 – When a lawyer, a singer, a writer, a baseball-player, a librarian, two realtors, two IT professionals, an ecologist, some students and a fair-trade coffee researcher get together, something must be afoot. Nineteen people gathered in Hillsborough to experience the monthly Spiritual Café, grow new friendships and strengthen the social fabric across all divisions of age, creed and cultural background.

The mostly informal meeting ended well past midnight after many large and small conversations followed the familiar program of participants reading prayers and passages from all major world religions. Music interspersed the readings and the night’s theme was the Dawnbreakers, a period of earliest Bahá'í history.
The next two Spiritual Cafés will be held on Saturday March 4th and Saturday April 1st. The program starts at 8.30 p.m. and everyone is welcome. Contact the Hillsborough Bahá'ís at (908) 281-7551 for more details. by Pieter Ruiter (Permission to reprint permitted by author.)

Oh and on another front, I am MUCHO excited about an upcoming funky podcast created by the coolest spiritually minded and level headed DJ who is on a quest to discover what makes the real world spin...Next Level Radio is coming to a podcast near you...more to come soon. : )

Birthdays, Benedryl & Irish Bahá'í's

2006-01-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

Isabella turned a big 5 this weekend. I can hardly believe this age has hit her already. Somehow i can STILL remember her birth, all 48 hours of it. Anyway, suffering (birth included) usually begets joy. Bella is no exception. She is very sweet and full of magnetic energy. The picture to the left is taken from Isabella's Montessori class and celebration of her birthday. They celebrate it in a very imaginative way. First the teacher explains that in 2001 Isabella was born, and then as holds the Earth, she walks forming a circle around a candle surrounded by the 12 months of the year. As she walks around the months, the class sings: "And the earth went around the sun, tra la, the earth went around the sun tra la la." for each year that she is on this Earth. Another way of seeing time, through the years of a child. A wonderful time and thanks to Carla making brownies, the kids enjoyed the whole celebration. : )

Later that day...

It was my 9th injection of allergy shots, meant to clear my immune system of the reactive negative histimines that are created when I am exposed to every tree, weed and dander this side of the US.

What happened? I waited for 20 minutes (okay a little shorter than 20) drove away in my car and went back to work for a conference call on a contract rewrite for CA that would take several hours. On my way back to work, I felt the same irritation that I always do; a slight localized itching and a general sense of discomfort. Well, this time, it did not go away. 20 minutes later, I was in my office with a major systemic reaction to my shots. Great...what a way to start a weekend. 25 mgs of Benedryl about one hour later and I felt much better but not without first feeling the strangest hives itchiness and swelling plus throat irritation that reminded me of the allergy scene in HITCH the movie. Well, it is over and happily even though I was sleepy for the rest of day due to the medicine, I was fine. One little note, my allergy shots are now going to take longer since they are decreasing the dosage going forward. This means that for the next month or so, I will have to continue my shots on a weekly basis, this time with more caution and pre-medicatioon. Maybe by Spring I'll know if it is worth it.

Later that night...

Pieter and I were invited to a memorial for Adib Taherzadeh, an inspiring teacher of the Bahá'í Faith, a former member of the Universal House of Justice and a bonafide Irishman (he settled there in the 50's as a pioneer and teacher of the Bahá'í Faith). His grandson lives nearby and held a special memorial for him. In addition to the wonderful tea and home made cake, (yum yum) he told special stories about his personal relationship with him and also shared an excerpt of a talk given to the Irish Bahá'í community back in 1998... To hear about how the first Bahá'ís that settled into Ireland, a small community that has now grown to hundreds...makes me think of possibilities here in Hillsborough. It was wonderful and inspiring, providing a sweet end to a hectic day.

Ayn Rand's favorite poem

2006-01-19T23:14:00.000-05:00

Pieter often reminds me that its not the what in writing, but the how. Here is a great poem that I found on a site that someone noted was Ayn Rand's favorite...enjoy.

" If " by [Joseph] Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

wishes for a safe flight

2006-01-17T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hi there world. I am now a little sickie suffering from a type of cold, flu antibiotic requiring ailment. Not so bad though as this week is a slightly slower week than usual at my work. I can actually work from home for a day or two while I sniff away, drink some more green tea and blow into the newest types of tissues created for man's consumption (antibacterial, antiviral, anti anything sick type tissues).

I am amazed that it has been snowing, raining, sunny and now raining again all within a matter of a few days. What is it with this weather???? I hate to raise the "duhhhhh" factor regarding global warming, but it seems significant and obvious almost on a daily basis. I did see a new commerical last night on the new Lexus hybrid. Is that good? A luxury SUV that is also claiming to be environmentally friendly? Or is this another marketing ploy to those of us who care to listen. Anyway, hopefully these weather events around the world are creating a stir...for a change towards the better that is.
As the weather is fluctuating, my hope is that air travel will not be affected, well, I better say a prayer on that. Some relatives will be flying this week.

This Saturday, Carolina (P's mom) will be flying in from her home in Driebergen Holland to visit!! Very excited, happy and looking forward to seeing her once again here in NJ. She will be here only for a 3 week visit. Funny how we find that so short. Years ago, a 10 day visit seemed just right. Yet she is so much part of our family, we have all missed her and will enjoy seeing her again. I have already been saving movies to see with her. (And some new games to play that we recieved for xmas...)

Also, my mother is flying to Pakistan. I will not go into details about why, since it will make this a sadder post than I am willing to share right now, but I am keeping her in my prayers that she and her husband will be safe and return healthy and unharmed. I am so aware that they are not really in the midst of danger while they are in their birthplace, but I am still some what concerned over the unexpected injustices that can arise in Pakistan, especially when the damage can be created from within or from elsewhere.

Anyway, wishes for a safe journey, and a safe landing to those we so dearly love...

He has been to the mountaintop, the promised land...

2006-01-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

Before I begin publishing my random thoughts, I wanted to take notice that yesterday was the commemoration for Dr. Martin Luther King. A man who lived and taught through example. I heard a recording of him on the radio of his speech soon before he was killed. I was so moved by his passion, candor, dedication, strength, courage and intensity. I am reminded that one person can move so many people, what made Mr. Martin Luther King so brave? Why did he favor peace, and how did he sustain his belief while many opposed him. What creates that fire that outlasts his life? I have a theory, that his words and life brought us closer to the truth, closer to the potential of where we can be, and it creates a spiritual connection that cannot but touch so many of us.

I think we all can see a glimmer of the strength of the human character, and recognize when it shines. Sad that his life was cut short, unjustly ending another chapter in human heroism, those who fought beyond themselves and aided humanity to move forward.

Proudly waging war

2006-01-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

In the NY times, Nicholas Kristof suggests a new concept for our political leaders, to wage a war on poverty. Switch the efforts from the war in Iraq, to global poverty... His article blends the ideas of seeking to help people in other areas of the world despite no major disaster, despite no major famous stars advocating aid due to the tsunami, earthquake but simply just because. (See NY Times Waging a War we could be proud of, January 10, 2006, by Nicholas D. Kristof)

His article focused on 3 elements,
-Wiping out malaria
(two million people a year die from this unnecessarily)

-Cutting maternal mortality in half
(Since some of the countries such as Honduras and Sri Lanka have proven methods to cut mortality in half, it does not seem to be logical to allow more than 500,000 women die yearly in pregnancy and childbirth...)

-Educating girls
(this would result in obvious positive consequences, Kristof notes that jobs and healthier children would result and the right to complain regarding injustices. His point is valid and in addition educating girls would empower women to resist oppression, an important issue and an ignored one for too long)

Wow what a concept! If we just push this example further, could you imagine if we only started a war on illiteracy, war on oppression, war on inequality?? My mind is soaring to the possibilities. Anyway, just had to mention this article and praise the efforts of Mr. Kristof, for attempting to realign the world's (or based on his suggestion the US's) efforts on something that could shift humanity's condition for the better.

Holding off ...

2006-01-08T20:24:00.001-05:00

'Not everything that a man knoweth can be disclosed, nor can everything that he can disclose be regarded as timely, nor can every timely utterence be considered as suited to the capacity of those who hear it.'

- Bahá'u'lláh, Gleanings, LXXXIX

Thanks to my friend who posted this on another blog as a comment. I was looking for this quote today in fact because I learned a hard lesson that I shall not (cannot) soon forget.

A difficult but wonderful conversation took place today, about how a person's "intent" is not always important in finding out the truth of the matter. Instead, the impact of the words, actions etc. could have such an impact that despite the intent, the effect on someone else is true, felt.

An analogy that comes to mind is a canvas that a person desires to paint. Scenerio 1: When you arrive in a room with a blank canvas, it is empty, and painting vivid, dark, bright, pastel, or black colors are open to you, and can be reflected directly onto the page, no interuption, no unintended effects. Scenerio 2: Same person walks into a room, and instead of a blank canvas, there are several in the room with each having its own hues, colors, depth, tones and expressions. These canvases are people who are thinking about their own thoughts, living their lives from their perspectives and we enter the room waiting and ready to paint. Scenerio 3: Person walks into the room, but now the group is a close knit group, or a close conversation between two people, the canvases merge, the colors become united, exhanging truths with each other. If we ignore what we see when we get there and each of the three scenerios are not distinguishes we may impose our colors so easily onto the canvas in front of us, we may forget which situation we have, are we expressing alone, as part of a group, or merged into a close conversation where the painting could then have a strong unintended impact.

If I am triggered to be defensive, or feel I can put forth a point or opinion, I use my persuasive reasoning and strongly advocate my position passionately. Sometimes, it is the only way I know how to express my truth. I in my expression bring colors of vivid reds, blues, shooting yellows, and I am feeling completely empowered to do so. Why? It is my expression, my truth, my sincere contribution, with lets assume no mal-intent.

However, what I never realized before today, is that when I shoot those colors, I am adding to the joint canvas between me and this other person...if they had colors of beige, purple, pinks, pastels, I covered them all with my powerful hues. What happened? Well, maybe the canvas that contained oranges and light pinks, are now brown. Their canvas had no way of surviving my colorful wrath.(!!) Frankly, I never stopped to really look.

The effect can be varied, from hurt, confusion, quiet compliance, enjoyment, agreement or retort. I used to think it didnt matter, because my intent was never to cover their colors, it was only to express mine (innocently I thought).

Now, I want to change that. I want to be cognizant of these other realities, considerate of other colors, canvases, and feelings. Not to always push my own views and energies onto everyone else. I'd like to convert the automatic reaction to a pause and gently maybe deliberately cause my colors to show in the right time, in the right place, when it can or should be recieved. A little more humility never hurt anyone. : ) (hey per the blog entry before this one, it looks like the "wish" for a keener sense of consiousness has been granted to me at least)

a wish

2006-01-04T22:00:00.000-05:00

How do you celebrate New Year's? Well, Pieter and I decided to have a quiet evening with a few friends. The funny thing was, it turned out to be a night with 21 friends, children and some babies. Oh boy. It was a nice night, unexpected, spontaneous and crazy at times, but a good new years to add to our growing list.

It all started when I met Pieter, we went to Paris during our first year New Year's Eve together and actually saw Pulp Fiction en francais. Its where I learned that "honey bunny" was in fact lapin sucre in French. What a discovery...I would use that phrase several times when talking to P after that movie. Sigh, smile.

Over the years, we have been to Belgium, Israel, NY City, Holland...and of course, NJ. On the 31st as we approached 2006 friends who were Dutch, Icelandic, Persian-Philapino, Persian-Indian, Pakistani, American and a mix of all the above were over. We celebrated, ate food, got the kids to fall asleep, and sat around our library table chatting and getting to know each other better over meatballs, falafel, and some toasty onion soup that happily got rave reviews.

Pieter and I suggested to the group (before the midnight hour) that we have a roundtable offering. Not of our own resolutions, or personal goals, but rather and instead, a wish for the world. A time to recall all the events that struck the less fortunate around us and to hope or to wish that the coming year would be bringing hope, possibility and maybe a wish that would come true. With that, we suggested that each person make a wish, not for themselves, but for the world and humanity in general. This was the reply:

"Wishes for..."

...more mysticism for more people
...more truthfullness and capacity to recognize it
...more interacial/intercultural integration
...a keener sense of shame or conciousness
...to play more with puppies,
...a greater acknowledgement of issues around us
...that children are truly loved and cared for
...to enjoy more and to share more love
...more respect in the world
...for shops to close more often to have time to enjoy life
...that children are warm, happy, and safe
...that a King or Queen becomes more noble, have the courage to change their agenda towards good and actually follow through despite political pressures
...for equality
...that the world can make wishes themselves

After we reflected, offered a few prayers and listened to some inspiring tunes. We then watched the countdown (caught the final 24 seconds) on TV so that especially our Icelandic vistors could catch the famous ball that drops on Times Square. We then hung out until about 3 AM...That was our New Year's Eve 2005-2006. With that beginning, I look forward to what 2006 will bring.

If inspired (or almost inspired), please add a wish and add a comment to this blog. Looking forward to hearing from you, and before I forget, Happy New Year :-)

Peace

2005-12-28T22:05:00.000-05:00

This is a nice time of year. Perhaps in some ways more than most because so many people, despite their religious background, or cultural upbringing, share, smile more and seem to think about peace and wishes for everyone. Peace can be a funny overused word, but frankly, I think it suits me just fine. As a person who believes in global change and a true sense of peace between human beings, I find the wish almost too hard to fathom. But at least I know we all have to start somewhere, and if wishes on the holidays are where we start to think a little differently, maybe our hearts will begin to transform. The following is a poem that Pieter found recently. Enjoy...

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
Lao-Tse

Hibernation Day?

2005-12-21T22:17:00.000-05:00

It was Hibernation Day at Bella's school today. What did that mean? She had to wear pajamas to school. But, as a busy working rush around Mom, I had no idea that it was today. It was in the far corners of my mind, but definitely not in my thoughts this morning. So as I pulled up to school, we were about to enter the building, when our friend Nancy (who brings her daughter to school) said "Hi Nishat, everyone is in pjs today!" My first thought was, was her SUV filled with her kids in PJ's?? So I looked very confused, and she clarified...It was hibernation day today.

1...2....3...

"Mommy...(sniff sniff) why did you put my clothes out today ?? (tears flooding her face)... I dont have pajamas!!!!" she slowly but surely cried and required some serious tissue to clean up the mess that was made on her cold congested crying nose...

This was my mistake. Although I did attempt hopelessly to use logic and justify the fact that it was way too cold to wear PJS when it was winter outside, it was to no avail. As I walked in class, I realized and remembered the sometimes akward insecure feelings when I was in school and I really disliked ever being the odd one out.

So, with determined resolve, I called work that I'd be late, drove back home and brought her the pajamas. When i arrived, she asked me whether I brought the pajamas SHE really wanted...i.e. The Hello Kitty ones.

I had...and the most wonderful hugest smile lit up her face. "Thanks Mommy"

Sometimes, it means more to me to do the little things that may be little in context, but huge in someone elses eyes. That was a good moment.

By the way, I have been checking out a cool group out of Holland that focuses on Brazillian music with a semi Persian lead singer who is also a very cool beautiful person that Pieter and I know from the Dutch Bahai Community. Funky diverse eh?? Anyway, check out their site for cool sounds from Europe...www.dirindi.com

sadness and love at the same time

2005-12-20T00:26:00.000-05:00

I just finished reworking two legal contracts agreements and took a shower as I am all lawyered out and thought i should make some comments before my head hits the pillow. I heard some news today, something that really saddened me, and some wonderful news at the same time.

News 1: I heard from a long time friend/spiritual sister today. This woman entered my life back in 1985 when I started my 10th grade in my new high school in North Brunswick, NJ. She was in my English class, and was the only other woman of color that I could see. At the time, I was not a global citizen yet, only a child of experienced racism and prejudice struggling to find friends in this new school of new strange faces. I was seeking a friendly face who would "get" who I was despite teh fact that I was a new kid in town.

She became a great friend, confidant, fellow-undisciplined student (only at times, :)) and remains to this day, one of the closest souls that I can be happy to call my friend, without condition, without regard to circumstance, without regard to any changing winds that we may go through. She is solid. I am thrilled that we are back in touch and had to acknowledge to my blog readers that sometimes, getting back in touch with those people that we love or once loved is a good thing.

News 2: Its not fair that the innocent people have to still get unjustly treated... Mr. Dhabihu'llah Mahrami, a man with deep brown eyes and sensitive features revealing a gentle man was wrongly jailed in Iran in 1995 for the plain unfancy fact that he is a Bahai.

On Thursday, 15 December 2005, ten years later, despite the international outcry regarding a death sentence back in 1999 who's freedom and release was supported by many governments and the international press, died in his prison cell of unknown causes. This was from a report by the Bahai International Community.

"... His death comes amidst ominous signs that a new wave of persecutions of Baha'is has begun. This year so far, at least 59 Baha'is have been arrested, detained or imprisoned, a figure up sharply from the last several years...Mr. Mahrami is survived by his aged mother, his wife, his four children, and his grandchildren."

This news really saddens my heart. Although I can see that his death will not be in vain, it is just another example of stuff in this world that I wish, just wish would not have to happen, no matter the reasons, the benefits of the impact or any other purposes that may be shown to be relevant to this event in the future. He was 58, the same age as my Father when he died; and close to my husband's father we he passed. They were loved, free, and still dearly missed. How Mr. Mahrami's family must feel, not even saying goodbye, unable to communicate, and harshly aware of the dangers facing him everyday. May they find their solace, peace and contentment through their confusion, bewilderment and yearning. My prayers are with them.

So now I have revealed the sadness that I expereinced today, as well as the tenderness, closeness and goodness of a friendship. I am still feeling sad and happy at the same time, I guess its because my heart is deeply affected by both these events.

Plus, I am really tired, which I am sure impacts my clarity of mind...anyway, I do hope those reading this are free, full of love (or at least half full...) and can reach out to their friends too. It might make the unjust events that happen in this world, a little more bearable.

Spiritual Cafe revisited

2005-12-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

So last night was a very cooooool Spiritual Cafe. We had a diverse group, with a collection of college students from US and Australlia/young professionals/lawyers/a Princeton student who is also verging on a professional baseball career and us. The theme was spirituality and the arts. The conversation included discussions around the recent riots in Australlia, racism in France, how to achieve world peace and percieve oneness of humanity when everyone around us seeks self gratification, achieving our "personal quest" as portrayed in the Alchemist, how the aborigines traced song line, sharing how to enable strict atheists to feel the spiritual world rather than rationalize it, the cool new duet between Alicia Keys and Bono and dunking cookies in coffee.

This is what I found to be so inspiring, that people many of whom have never met before can engage in a true exchange of fellowship, while exploring layers of truth and critical thinking about the world around them. It was a GREAT night, one that I will place in my heart of memories and hopefully add to in the future.

Peace.

Amedeo and Frida

2005-12-06T22:10:00.000-05:00

I have been watching some interesting films lately. Modigliani starring Andy Garcia as the Amedeo Modigliani and Omid Djalili as his rival Pablo Picasso. I mention who plays Pablo Picasso becuase it was a great portrayal, and it was by a Bahai actor from the UK. Omid is also a renowned comedian in Europe but in this film his performance was solid and memorable.

Anyway, the story is about an artist that has such a strong desire to paint, but for principle...not for money. His rival against Pablo Picasso is somewhat based on a difference of lifestyle (one making money, the other impoverished) but a competitive one laced with jealousy, power and maybe even friendship. Sadly, after the artist dies from a combination of alcoholism, TB and ill health, his love and muse jumped out of her 5th floor window killing herself and her unborn child two days after Modigliani passed.

This was a sad ending, but a true one. I had to ask myself why I liked Modigliani's paintings to begin with, they seem to reflect a pure feminine texture to the women he paints. Pure in the form that they are unguarded, or at least as he sees them. Interesting though how his life unraveled so quickly and yet he left a legacy for others too see into his world that he created.

Next comes Frida starring Salma Hayak. I was unexectedly impressed and frankly carried away by the character portrayal. A movie about a woman who expressed her physical and mental anguish through her art. Her story essentially starts with a beautiful and energetic youth with liberal (bordering radical) ideas and a bounce to her step. Most unexpectedly, she was in a horrible accident that created spinal and bone injuries which would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Despite her miraculous recovery and regaining her ability to walk again, she endured many surgeries, readjustments and so-called restorative treatments which never resolved the ongoing pain. Also, physical pain was not her only source of her art. After her accident, while seeking an artist's opinion, she acquainted herself with an older famous painter who ignited her passion and led her down a path she could not turn away from. He (Diego) was her fellow colleague-artist who understood her whims, art and passion, but who had an voracious appetite for women, whether or not he was married. So Frida accepted him with his faults, and added some more layers of heartbreak to her life.

She painted her emotion directly onto canvas, it seemed she painted for that reason. Her legacy is a bit off putting, but real and as evident of her anguish as is her view on her life events unfolding before her.

Pause.

After watching both, I pondered where art comes from and how it is developed. It can reflect people's love, pain, life, passions and dreams. The great gift that we all have is that we can interpret these living processes whether through singing, poetry, writing a book, taking pictures, directing a film, dancing, drawing, sculping...More of this should be done to capture a deeper sense of reality.

This is the gift of art. To embrace a part of ourselves so closely that we can bottle this inner mystical reality, and then release it onto a permanent fixture. For ourselves to gain better insight of what we found, but also sometimes maybe just once in a while, for others as well.

"No sooner had I approached the heart's door and said, "Show thyself to me!"
than He appeared before me in the midst of that nearness.
From all sides I became surrounded by the warmth of that ecstasy.
He became completely I, and I became completey He,
I, the heart and He, the beloved of my heart.

My Ka'ba is the earth of your nearness.
Your face is the torch that illuminates the world.
The curls of your tresses are the chains of my soul.
The arches of your two eyebrows are my heart's Qiblih;
our ringlet is my cross in the monastery."

Excerpted from a translated poem written by Tahirih a heroine and martyr when she was 36 years young, during 19th century Iran, known as the 'Persian Joan of Arc' as a leader of emanicipation of women in the Orient.

patience and faith

2005-12-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

So my story in my last post was written by me because I was finding myself frustrated around things I cannot control, annoyed about waiting for time to pass for certain things to happen, insecure around the unknown, yet not able to quench my longing with anything. After thinking about it (while on my treadmill, good things come to those who exercise :) ) I realized that sometimes patience is the only recipe to get to the end point. Having faith is sometimes that catalyst to jump across the bridge...while not knowing what is on the other side.

I thought about whether there is any way to illustrate the magic that faith and patience can bring...and hence the story of Huang and Liu around silk. The two characters were actually the people to have discovered the silk making process and so I thought their names would be suited well for the story.

I hope it illustrates why patience and faith is a good thing, a necessary thing and at the end of the day maybe the reason why great things can happen.

So the story is dedicated to my friends and family who also find it hard to wait for the right thing to come along, the book to get completed, the relationships to get better and the opportunities to arise.

"The steed of this Valley is patience; without patience the wayfarer on this journey will reach nowhere and attain no goal. Nor should he ever be downhearted; if he strive for a hundred thousand years and yet fail to behold the beauty of the Friend, he should not falter...In Our ways will We guide them."
(From the Valley of Search written by Baha'u'llah in the Seven Valleys...)

A story to tell

2005-11-29T22:11:00.000-05:00

A story of Huang Di and Lei Zu:

Once upon a time, in an old Chinese village, a man Huang Di and his wife Lei Zu made a promise. They decided that their whole lives would be dedicated to adding a small section to their special village quilt, a holy quilt which would be used for those most in need in their village in times of sickness or time of need. There were stories about the various sections of the quilt which had been made by many ancestors of long ago and contributed little by little because thread was such a rare thing in this village.

Huang Di and Lei Zu decided early on to find the threads together and search the villages all over for the little tiny pieces of thread, or cloth that could be used for the special village quilt. It took many days and days to even find one or two good pieces. Most were broken or too small. They took a decision as time went by, to perhaps make the project easier by dividing their time. Huang Di would find pieces of thread, in all different villages, while Lei Zu would remain at the home and collect the threads they had found to bring them togehter, slowly creating small pieces to then weave into a larger piece to contribute to the village quilt.

Time went on and on. Each day Huang Di would bring some pieces, but mostly they were different colors and although each piece was special, together the pieces could not be brought together. Lei Zu in the meantime would be tasked with blending them together. Special intricate delicate work would be required to bring these pieces together, requiring a fine steady hand and nimble fingers. They would share their triumphs and difficulties each day over tea in the evening, tend to their garden together at night and then rest unti the dawn arrived the following day.

As Huang Di became tired, he would sometimes come home early expecting to find Lei Zu trying to piece some threads together. But this day, he saw her by the garden. She looked very serious, and so focused on the garden...well Huang Di would continue his search the next day like every day. They will chat at tea...

Soon, each day when Huang Di arrived, whether early or late, Lei Zu was still in the garden! He was not sure why, and continued his way to find threads.

As time went on, more threads were brought home, in differing colors and textures, left in the small room where Lei Zu was to make the part of the quilt. But for quite a few days and even weeks, Lei Zu seemed to be in the garden and again very focused.

Lei Zu and Huang Di chatted during their tea in the evening and Lei Zu asked for some patience in her special project. It was complicated and quite delicate, but that with some faith, some very wonderful things could happen. Huang Di was confused. The tasks were clear, the threads must be pulled together, and he knew he could not do this, his fingers were far too big and shaky, where as Lei Zu could bring many small threads together within a blink of her eye...Oh well, Huang Di would wait, and he will continue his tasks as much as he could. Sometimes, he would ask Lei Zu about the garden project, but she just told him to be patient...with faith things will be revealed...

One day, with the sun brighter than other days, as Huang Di made his way to go through the villages once again, Lei Zu asked him to join her for tea. But it was not evening? Lei Zu insisted to have it now and to drink the tea in the garden so she could show him what she doing all these months...

With a cup of tea for Huang Di, she explained that one day in the garden with her cup of tea, a silk worm had dropped in her cup. Slowly she saw how the little worm created the most wondeful special threads she had ever seen...if only she knew how to create more and understand them better...

What Huang Di didnt know, was that Lei Zu had discovered how to make silk, the smoothest cloth in all of China. Each piece of thread that Huang Di found would now be interwoven into the silk, creating beautfiul colors and textures, reflecting the efforts and work that both Huang Di and Lei Zu put together.

While they both did not know they had the capacity to create such abundance and beauty, their faith, mutual support and patience created gifts beyond their deepest expectations. Huang Di and Lei Zu could now not only provide the village with a small piece of quilt, but an entire quilt for each village near and far. This was their sacrifice, and the sacrifice of their friend the silk worm:

"A silkworm spins all its silk till its death and a candle won't stop its tears until it is fully burnt."

(This Tang poem accurately describes the property of the silkworm. Despite technological development, a silkworm can only produce a certain amount of silk---1000 meters (3280feet) in its lifespan of 28 days. The rarity of the raw material is the deciding factor of both the value and the mystery of silk.)

Home again

2005-11-27T16:47:00.000-05:00

That was Alec...he is sitting on my lap now and he loves the computer. He is now crawling around my chair in the library. Anyway, we got back from my sister's and as I hoped it was a a really nice Thanksgiving. We heard my Dad's tape and even with the tears that greeted me it was a great experience. We had turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy and an orange fresh cranberry (really) salad. The dessert, which I should just mention was very nice. Pieter made his heavenly apple tart (tres francais et formidable) and my brother in law's sister Valerie (which I should practically call family since she feels that close) made three pies, apple, lemon meringue and pumpkin cheescake. The pumpkin cheesecake was really good, and Bella actually had a slice of the applie pie & lemon meringue pie. Alec? Well, he had some macaroni and cheese.

Now a few days later, Bella is almost over her illness (she had Bronchitis we found out on Friday at the Dr's) and now Alec and I are both suffering from a rough cough, sandpapery throat and fatigue. Hopefully Alec will be well and not need medication, but we will see.

Sunday is here and another week is starting. I would love to not go back to work for at least 2 more weeks. I think everytime I have a little time off, it is harder to go back to the work pace. But I will create some resolve, gather some more strength and hopefully gain more capacity instead of feeling pity on myself (the worst...)

Hey some cool news on the Bahai front, our Cluster (named Captial North consisting of counties of Somerset, Mercer, Hunterdon and Somerset) has been given A status. This means that the Bahais of our area have been designated with a status relating to the highest level of teaching efforts, activities and growth. Exciting this is, and yet I am wondering how much will change in our community. In some respect I feel there is a spotlight on our region within the North Eastern states (the 4th area of our region that has been granted A status) and expectations shift. More effort, more focus, more clarity of vision. Exciting times, and I hope I can make the mark...

Ready set go!!!!!!!

"Forget your own selves and turn your eyes toward your neighbor. Bend your energies to whatever may foster the education of men..." Bahá'u'lláh

Thanksgiving and the G5

2005-11-23T23:16:00.000-05:00

Hi there, and to those Americans who log in, wishing you a nice Thanksgiving. Our family will be driving up to my sister's in Ballston Spa NY about a 3 hour drive tomorrow morning. Unfortunatly Isabella & Alec was sick this past weekend and Bella at least has not gotten over it. Red cheeks, stuffy nose and lots of coughing has replaced her daily singing, chatting away and running around. Well, we hope for the best tomorrow and will bring lots of VICKS and other things to help get through the day in as sickfree way as possible.

Anyway, I know what I am thankful for, life, family health and time. Time to spend with family without work, worries or heavy concerns. Plus, I am once again thankful that technology has assisted me in making memories a reality.

Tomorrow, I will be bringing to my sister's a CD that I burned off of my G5 MAC Garage Band program. This CD is a 20 minute clip of special memories, of my Dad. A long time ago (spanning back almost 30 years) my father created a tape of his children, and our cousins, with my Mamoo Shams (Uncle in Urdu) while they were visiting from Pakistan. My Dad has this special way of talking, responding and guiding a conversation in a very gentle happy sort of way.

So in this tape, we take turn singing songs, telling jokes, and hearing an interview that my Dad conducts with my cousin about her visit in Buffalo, NY (where we lived at the time). It is full with laughter and includes a beautiful duet that my Father sang with Mamoo Shams. Did I ever tell you that my Dad used to be a singer on the radio in Pakistan? Well it was for a short time, but at least you get the impression his voice is unique and of recording quality. Recording this and listening to it makes me smile...and miss my Dad even more.

My father left this world in January of 93 due to a five year struggle with cancer. But I think God had better plans for him in his own way. I miss him a lot and will be thinking of him tomorrow especially while the tape will played in digital format for the next generation children to hear, enjoy and to experience my Dad...like he was hear making us laugh, sing and enjoy life, just as my sister and I knew him to be.

So thanks Mac G5 for helping me out and making this Thanksgiving a special one.

: )

Peace.

Another point of inspiration...Cape of Good Hope

2005-11-16T20:06:00.000-05:00

Check out the new movie by Mark Bamford, a Bahai who went to South Africa with his wife and 2 children who created a wonderful story about love, humanity, diversity and inspiration...Some positive results on using the arts towards spreading an important message with love.

This is what I call inspiring.

This movie has ALREADY won awards, and has been reviewed as a great film (including New York Times, New York Observer...see below)

Laura Kern of the New York Times reviews Cape of Good Hope:
"...a genuine uplift of a film that even the most diehard cynics will find hard to resist... Though issues of race, immigration and gender politics are ever so tactfully present, Mr. Bamford never force-feeds lectures or clichés. Instead, he admirably adheres to his primary objective of concentrating on his large cast of compelling and utterly believable characters. Witnessing Kate thaw out is just one of the many pleasures this satisfying and memorable film has to offer."

Ken Fox of TV Guide reviews Cape of Good Hope:

"Director Mark Bamford's sweet-natured ensemble film doesn't shy away from addressing issues of racism - both black and white... but integrates them into tightly woven stories about ordinary people doing the best to live their lives, raise their children and do a little good when the opportunity arises."

Deardra Shuler of The Black World Today reviews Cape of Good Hope:

"CAPE OF GOOD HOPE is a must see movie that will have audiences leaving the theater feeling positive about who we are and can be as human beings. Go see it!"

Coming to a theatre near you...(I'll be in line) for more information and to see the trailer, go to www.capemovie.com