Holding off ...

'Not everything that a man knoweth can be disclosed, nor can everything that he can disclose be regarded as timely, nor can every timely utterence be considered as suited to the capacity of those who hear it.'

- Bahá'u'lláh, Gleanings, LXXXIX

Thanks to my friend who posted this on another blog as a comment. I was looking for this quote today in fact because I learned a hard lesson that I shall not (cannot) soon forget.

A difficult but wonderful conversation took place today, about how a person's "intent" is not always important in finding out the truth of the matter. Instead, the impact of the words, actions etc. could have such an impact that despite the intent, the effect on someone else is true, felt.

An analogy that comes to mind is a canvas that a person desires to paint. Scenerio 1: When you arrive in a room with a blank canvas, it is empty, and painting vivid, dark, bright, pastel, or black colors are open to you, and can be reflected directly onto the page, no interuption, no unintended effects. Scenerio 2: Same person walks into a room, and instead of a blank canvas, there are several in the room with each having its own hues, colors, depth, tones and expressions. These canvases are people who are thinking about their own thoughts, living their lives from their perspectives and we enter the room waiting and ready to paint. Scenerio 3: Person walks into the room, but now the group is a close knit group, or a close conversation between two people, the canvases merge, the colors become united, exhanging truths with each other. If we ignore what we see when we get there and each of the three scenerios are not distinguishes we may impose our colors so easily onto the canvas in front of us, we may forget which situation we have, are we expressing alone, as part of a group, or merged into a close conversation where the painting could then have a strong unintended impact.

If I am triggered to be defensive, or feel I can put forth a point or opinion, I use my persuasive reasoning and strongly advocate my position passionately. Sometimes, it is the only way I know how to express my truth. I in my expression bring colors of vivid reds, blues, shooting yellows, and I am feeling completely empowered to do so. Why? It is my expression, my truth, my sincere contribution, with lets assume no mal-intent.

However, what I never realized before today, is that when I shoot those colors, I am adding to the joint canvas between me and this other person...if they had colors of beige, purple, pinks, pastels, I covered them all with my powerful hues. What happened? Well, maybe the canvas that contained oranges and light pinks, are now brown. Their canvas had no way of surviving my colorful wrath.(!!) Frankly, I never stopped to really look.

The effect can be varied, from hurt, confusion, quiet compliance, enjoyment, agreement or retort. I used to think it didnt matter, because my intent was never to cover their colors, it was only to express mine (innocently I thought).

Now, I want to change that. I want to be cognizant of these other realities, considerate of other colors, canvases, and feelings. Not to always push my own views and energies onto everyone else. I'd like to convert the automatic reaction to a pause and gently maybe deliberately cause my colors to show in the right time, in the right place, when it can or should be recieved. A little more humility never hurt anyone. : ) (hey per the blog entry before this one, it looks like the "wish" for a keener sense of consiousness has been granted to me at least)