sadness and love at the same time

I just finished reworking two legal contracts agreements and took a shower as I am all lawyered out and thought i should make some comments before my head hits the pillow. I heard some news today, something that really saddened me, and some wonderful news at the same time.

News 1: I heard from a long time friend/spiritual sister today. This woman entered my life back in 1985 when I started my 10th grade in my new high school in North Brunswick, NJ. She was in my English class, and was the only other woman of color that I could see. At the time, I was not a global citizen yet, only a child of experienced racism and prejudice struggling to find friends in this new school of new strange faces. I was seeking a friendly face who would "get" who I was despite teh fact that I was a new kid in town.

She became a great friend, confidant, fellow-undisciplined student (only at times, :)) and remains to this day, one of the closest souls that I can be happy to call my friend, without condition, without regard to circumstance, without regard to any changing winds that we may go through. She is solid. I am thrilled that we are back in touch and had to acknowledge to my blog readers that sometimes, getting back in touch with those people that we love or once loved is a good thing.

News 2: Its not fair that the innocent people have to still get unjustly treated... Mr. Dhabihu'llah Mahrami, a man with deep brown eyes and sensitive features revealing a gentle man was wrongly jailed in Iran in 1995 for the plain unfancy fact that he is a Bahai.

On Thursday, 15 December 2005, ten years later, despite the international outcry regarding a death sentence back in 1999 who's freedom and release was supported by many governments and the international press, died in his prison cell of unknown causes. This was from a report by the Bahai International Community.

"... His death comes amidst ominous signs that a new wave of persecutions of Baha'is has begun. This year so far, at least 59 Baha'is have been arrested, detained or imprisoned, a figure up sharply from the last several years...Mr. Mahrami is survived by his aged mother, his wife, his four children, and his grandchildren."

This news really saddens my heart. Although I can see that his death will not be in vain, it is just another example of stuff in this world that I wish, just wish would not have to happen, no matter the reasons, the benefits of the impact or any other purposes that may be shown to be relevant to this event in the future. He was 58, the same age as my Father when he died; and close to my husband's father we he passed. They were loved, free, and still dearly missed. How Mr. Mahrami's family must feel, not even saying goodbye, unable to communicate, and harshly aware of the dangers facing him everyday. May they find their solace, peace and contentment through their confusion, bewilderment and yearning. My prayers are with them.

So now I have revealed the sadness that I expereinced today, as well as the tenderness, closeness and goodness of a friendship. I am still feeling sad and happy at the same time, I guess its because my heart is deeply affected by both these events.

Plus, I am really tired, which I am sure impacts my clarity of mind...anyway, I do hope those reading this are free, full of love (or at least half full...) and can reach out to their friends too. It might make the unjust events that happen in this world, a little more bearable.

Spiritual Cafe revisited

So last night was a very cooooool Spiritual Cafe. We had a diverse group, with a collection of college students from US and Australlia/young professionals/lawyers/a Princeton student who is also verging on a professional baseball career and us. The theme was spirituality and the arts. The conversation included discussions around the recent riots in Australlia, racism in France, how to achieve world peace and percieve oneness of humanity when everyone around us seeks self gratification, achieving our "personal quest" as portrayed in the Alchemist, how the aborigines traced song line, sharing how to enable strict atheists to feel the spiritual world rather than rationalize it, the cool new duet between Alicia Keys and Bono and dunking cookies in coffee.

This is what I found to be so inspiring, that people many of whom have never met before can engage in a true exchange of fellowship, while exploring layers of truth and critical thinking about the world around them. It was a GREAT night, one that I will place in my heart of memories and hopefully add to in the future.

Peace.

Amedeo and Frida

I have been watching some interesting films lately. Modigliani starring Andy Garcia as the Amedeo Modigliani and Omid Djalili as his rival Pablo Picasso. I mention who plays Pablo Picasso becuase it was a great portrayal, and it was by a Bahai actor from the UK. Omid is also a renowned comedian in Europe but in this film his performance was solid and memorable.

Anyway, the story is about an artist that has such a strong desire to paint, but for principle...not for money. His rival against Pablo Picasso is somewhat based on a difference of lifestyle (one making money, the other impoverished) but a competitive one laced with jealousy, power and maybe even friendship. Sadly, after the artist dies from a combination of alcoholism, TB and ill health, his love and muse jumped out of her 5th floor window killing herself and her unborn child two days after Modigliani passed.

This was a sad ending, but a true one. I had to ask myself why I liked Modigliani's paintings to begin with, they seem to reflect a pure feminine texture to the women he paints. Pure in the form that they are unguarded, or at least as he sees them. Interesting though how his life unraveled so quickly and yet he left a legacy for others too see into his world that he created.

Next comes Frida starring Salma Hayak. I was unexectedly impressed and frankly carried away by the character portrayal. A movie about a woman who expressed her physical and mental anguish through her art. Her story essentially starts with a beautiful and energetic youth with liberal (bordering radical) ideas and a bounce to her step. Most unexpectedly, she was in a horrible accident that created spinal and bone injuries which would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Despite her miraculous recovery and regaining her ability to walk again, she endured many surgeries, readjustments and so-called restorative treatments which never resolved the ongoing pain. Also, physical pain was not her only source of her art. After her accident, while seeking an artist's opinion, she acquainted herself with an older famous painter who ignited her passion and led her down a path she could not turn away from. He (Diego) was her fellow colleague-artist who understood her whims, art and passion, but who had an voracious appetite for women, whether or not he was married. So Frida accepted him with his faults, and added some more layers of heartbreak to her life.

She painted her emotion directly onto canvas, it seemed she painted for that reason. Her legacy is a bit off putting, but real and as evident of her anguish as is her view on her life events unfolding before her.

Pause.

After watching both, I pondered where art comes from and how it is developed. It can reflect people's love, pain, life, passions and dreams. The great gift that we all have is that we can interpret these living processes whether through singing, poetry, writing a book, taking pictures, directing a film, dancing, drawing, sculping...More of this should be done to capture a deeper sense of reality.

This is the gift of art. To embrace a part of ourselves so closely that we can bottle this inner mystical reality, and then release it onto a permanent fixture. For ourselves to gain better insight of what we found, but also sometimes maybe just once in a while, for others as well.

"No sooner had I approached the heart's door and said, "Show thyself to me!"
than He appeared before me in the midst of that nearness.
From all sides I became surrounded by the warmth of that ecstasy.
He became completely I, and I became completey He,
I, the heart and He, the beloved of my heart.

My Ka'ba is the earth of your nearness.
Your face is the torch that illuminates the world.
The curls of your tresses are the chains of my soul.
The arches of your two eyebrows are my heart's Qiblih;
our ringlet is my cross in the monastery."

Excerpted from a translated poem written by Tahirih a heroine and martyr when she was 36 years young, during 19th century Iran, known as the 'Persian Joan of Arc' as a leader of emanicipation of women in the Orient.

patience and faith

So my story in my last post was written by me because I was finding myself frustrated around things I cannot control, annoyed about waiting for time to pass for certain things to happen, insecure around the unknown, yet not able to quench my longing with anything. After thinking about it (while on my treadmill, good things come to those who exercise :) ) I realized that sometimes patience is the only recipe to get to the end point. Having faith is sometimes that catalyst to jump across the bridge...while not knowing what is on the other side.

I thought about whether there is any way to illustrate the magic that faith and patience can bring...and hence the story of Huang and Liu around silk. The two characters were actually the people to have discovered the silk making process and so I thought their names would be suited well for the story.

I hope it illustrates why patience and faith is a good thing, a necessary thing and at the end of the day maybe the reason why great things can happen.

So the story is dedicated to my friends and family who also find it hard to wait for the right thing to come along, the book to get completed, the relationships to get better and the opportunities to arise.

"The steed of this Valley is patience; without patience the wayfarer on this journey will reach nowhere and attain no goal. Nor should he ever be downhearted; if he strive for a hundred thousand years and yet fail to behold the beauty of the Friend, he should not falter...In Our ways will We guide them."
(From the Valley of Search written by Baha'u'llah in the Seven Valleys...)

A story to tell

A story of Huang Di and Lei Zu:

Once upon a time, in an old Chinese village, a man Huang Di and his wife Lei Zu made a promise. They decided that their whole lives would be dedicated to adding a small section to their special village quilt, a holy quilt which would be used for those most in need in their village in times of sickness or time of need. There were stories about the various sections of the quilt which had been made by many ancestors of long ago and contributed little by little because thread was such a rare thing in this village.

Huang Di and Lei Zu decided early on to find the threads together and search the villages all over for the little tiny pieces of thread, or cloth that could be used for the special village quilt. It took many days and days to even find one or two good pieces. Most were broken or too small. They took a decision as time went by, to perhaps make the project easier by dividing their time. Huang Di would find pieces of thread, in all different villages, while Lei Zu would remain at the home and collect the threads they had found to bring them togehter, slowly creating small pieces to then weave into a larger piece to contribute to the village quilt.

Time went on and on. Each day Huang Di would bring some pieces, but mostly they were different colors and although each piece was special, together the pieces could not be brought together. Lei Zu in the meantime would be tasked with blending them together. Special intricate delicate work would be required to bring these pieces together, requiring a fine steady hand and nimble fingers. They would share their triumphs and difficulties each day over tea in the evening, tend to their garden together at night and then rest unti the dawn arrived the following day.

As Huang Di became tired, he would sometimes come home early expecting to find Lei Zu trying to piece some threads together. But this day, he saw her by the garden. She looked very serious, and so focused on the garden...well Huang Di would continue his search the next day like every day. They will chat at tea...

Soon, each day when Huang Di arrived, whether early or late, Lei Zu was still in the garden! He was not sure why, and continued his way to find threads.

As time went on, more threads were brought home, in differing colors and textures, left in the small room where Lei Zu was to make the part of the quilt. But for quite a few days and even weeks, Lei Zu seemed to be in the garden and again very focused.

Lei Zu and Huang Di chatted during their tea in the evening and Lei Zu asked for some patience in her special project. It was complicated and quite delicate, but that with some faith, some very wonderful things could happen. Huang Di was confused. The tasks were clear, the threads must be pulled together, and he knew he could not do this, his fingers were far too big and shaky, where as Lei Zu could bring many small threads together within a blink of her eye...Oh well, Huang Di would wait, and he will continue his tasks as much as he could. Sometimes, he would ask Lei Zu about the garden project, but she just told him to be patient...with faith things will be revealed...

One day, with the sun brighter than other days, as Huang Di made his way to go through the villages once again, Lei Zu asked him to join her for tea. But it was not evening? Lei Zu insisted to have it now and to drink the tea in the garden so she could show him what she doing all these months...

With a cup of tea for Huang Di, she explained that one day in the garden with her cup of tea, a silk worm had dropped in her cup. Slowly she saw how the little worm created the most wondeful special threads she had ever seen...if only she knew how to create more and understand them better...

What Huang Di didnt know, was that Lei Zu had discovered how to make silk, the smoothest cloth in all of China. Each piece of thread that Huang Di found would now be interwoven into the silk, creating beautfiul colors and textures, reflecting the efforts and work that both Huang Di and Lei Zu put together.

While they both did not know they had the capacity to create such abundance and beauty, their faith, mutual support and patience created gifts beyond their deepest expectations. Huang Di and Lei Zu could now not only provide the village with a small piece of quilt, but an entire quilt for each village near and far. This was their sacrifice, and the sacrifice of their friend the silk worm:

"A silkworm spins all its silk till its death and a candle won't stop its tears until it is fully burnt."

(This Tang poem accurately describes the property of the silkworm. Despite technological development, a silkworm can only produce a certain amount of silk---1000 meters (3280feet) in its lifespan of 28 days. The rarity of the raw material is the deciding factor of both the value and the mystery of silk.)

Home again

That was Alec...he is sitting on my lap now and he loves the computer. He is now crawling around my chair in the library. Anyway, we got back from my sister's and as I hoped it was a a really nice Thanksgiving. We heard my Dad's tape and even with the tears that greeted me it was a great experience. We had turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy and an orange fresh cranberry (really) salad. The dessert, which I should just mention was very nice. Pieter made his heavenly apple tart (tres francais et formidable) and my brother in law's sister Valerie (which I should practically call family since she feels that close) made three pies, apple, lemon meringue and pumpkin cheescake. The pumpkin cheesecake was really good, and Bella actually had a slice of the applie pie & lemon meringue pie. Alec? Well, he had some macaroni and cheese.

Now a few days later, Bella is almost over her illness (she had Bronchitis we found out on Friday at the Dr's) and now Alec and I are both suffering from a rough cough, sandpapery throat and fatigue. Hopefully Alec will be well and not need medication, but we will see.

Sunday is here and another week is starting. I would love to not go back to work for at least 2 more weeks. I think everytime I have a little time off, it is harder to go back to the work pace. But I will create some resolve, gather some more strength and hopefully gain more capacity instead of feeling pity on myself (the worst...)

Hey some cool news on the Bahai front, our Cluster (named Captial North consisting of counties of Somerset, Mercer, Hunterdon and Somerset) has been given A status. This means that the Bahais of our area have been designated with a status relating to the highest level of teaching efforts, activities and growth. Exciting this is, and yet I am wondering how much will change in our community. In some respect I feel there is a spotlight on our region within the North Eastern states (the 4th area of our region that has been granted A status) and expectations shift. More effort, more focus, more clarity of vision. Exciting times, and I hope I can make the mark...

Ready set go!!!!!!!

"Forget your own selves and turn your eyes toward your neighbor. Bend your energies to whatever may foster the education of men..." Bahá'u'lláh

Thanksgiving and the G5

Hi there, and to those Americans who log in, wishing you a nice Thanksgiving. Our family will be driving up to my sister's in Ballston Spa NY about a 3 hour drive tomorrow morning. Unfortunatly Isabella & Alec was sick this past weekend and Bella at least has not gotten over it. Red cheeks, stuffy nose and lots of coughing has replaced her daily singing, chatting away and running around. Well, we hope for the best tomorrow and will bring lots of VICKS and other things to help get through the day in as sickfree way as possible.

Anyway, I know what I am thankful for, life, family health and time. Time to spend with family without work, worries or heavy concerns. Plus, I am once again thankful that technology has assisted me in making memories a reality.

Tomorrow, I will be bringing to my sister's a CD that I burned off of my G5 MAC Garage Band program. This CD is a 20 minute clip of special memories, of my Dad. A long time ago (spanning back almost 30 years) my father created a tape of his children, and our cousins, with my Mamoo Shams (Uncle in Urdu) while they were visiting from Pakistan. My Dad has this special way of talking, responding and guiding a conversation in a very gentle happy sort of way.

So in this tape, we take turn singing songs, telling jokes, and hearing an interview that my Dad conducts with my cousin about her visit in Buffalo, NY (where we lived at the time). It is full with laughter and includes a beautiful duet that my Father sang with Mamoo Shams. Did I ever tell you that my Dad used to be a singer on the radio in Pakistan? Well it was for a short time, but at least you get the impression his voice is unique and of recording quality. Recording this and listening to it makes me smile...and miss my Dad even more.

My father left this world in January of 93 due to a five year struggle with cancer. But I think God had better plans for him in his own way. I miss him a lot and will be thinking of him tomorrow especially while the tape will played in digital format for the next generation children to hear, enjoy and to experience my Dad...like he was hear making us laugh, sing and enjoy life, just as my sister and I knew him to be.

So thanks Mac G5 for helping me out and making this Thanksgiving a special one.



: )

Peace.

Another point of inspiration...Cape of Good Hope

Check out the new movie by Mark Bamford, a Bahai who went to South Africa with his wife and 2 children who created a wonderful story about love, humanity, diversity and inspiration...Some positive results on using the arts towards spreading an important message with love.

This is what I call inspiring.

This movie has ALREADY won awards, and has been reviewed as a great film (including New York Times, New York Observer...see below)

Laura Kern of the New York Times reviews Cape of Good Hope:
"...a genuine uplift of a film that even the most diehard cynics will find hard to resist... Though issues of race, immigration and gender politics are ever so tactfully present, Mr. Bamford never force-feeds lectures or clichés. Instead, he admirably adheres to his primary objective of concentrating on his large cast of compelling and utterly believable characters. Witnessing Kate thaw out is just one of the many pleasures this satisfying and memorable film has to offer."

Ken Fox of TV Guide reviews Cape of Good Hope:

"Director Mark Bamford's sweet-natured ensemble film doesn't shy away from addressing issues of racism - both black and white... but integrates them into tightly woven stories about ordinary people doing the best to live their lives, raise their children and do a little good when the opportunity arises."

Deardra Shuler of The Black World Today reviews Cape of Good Hope:

"CAPE OF GOOD HOPE is a must see movie that will have audiences leaving the theater feeling positive about who we are and can be as human beings. Go see it!"

Coming to a theatre near you...(I'll be in line) for more information and to see the trailer, go to www.capemovie.com

time for a new perspective

I read an awesome article about Bono in Rolling Stone. Simply put, he wants to end "stupid poverty" or as referred to frequently in the Bahai writings, elimination of extremes of poverty. His quest is incredible, and attitude even better. Not because he can sing and speak his mind so eloquently but because he is humbled by this issue. That blows my mind. A mega mega star like him can still be so affected by the planet's injustices. In response to the interviewer asking what Bono wants to change, he replies

"First ourselves, I suppose. To become better people. And second, the wickedness of the world. For a lot of people, the world is a desperate place. A third of the people who live in it cannot achieve sustenance. And there is no real reason for that, other than a certain selfishness and greed."

(In reply to why he has been involved since he was 17...)

"Once you see not only the problem, but also the solution, there's no escape. You see it, you can't look away from it...This is not, O my God, all the poor starving Africans with flies around their faces. They are very noble, royal people, full with easy laughter and very innovative....This is about us, too. Its about who are we? What are our values? Do we have any? It's exciting."

(Feeling very inadequate to follow his words, but we go on...) I LOVE that. What a wonderful perspective, both the characterization of our beloved brothers and sisters in Africa and his quest for finding a solution. New perspectives, one at a time. That will change the world.

Time to work now and continue to change mine. :-)

time to hang (and itch)

Here are some fun pictures taken from our "photo booth" program off the Mac G5, awesome piece of machinery and technology. One pic is Isabella as the lovely Mulan for Halloween, and the other is recent quick pic of P and I sending a fun hello to Carla across the ocean (P's mom for anyone who ventured to guess)

Anyway, I took a break tonight after a hectic two weeks, and after a long day at work where I also received my first of many allergy shots beginning my immunotherapy process (of lots of shots, over lots of weeks). I am glad I started but it is going to be a long process. The Allergist told me to wait at the office for 20 minutes to see if I would have any bad reactions..I thought I DID feel some itchiness and fatigue, but I couldnt tell if that was psychosimatic (sp?), the effect of working long hours or just an allergic reaction (the itching is still around). Anyway, I have 15 more to go in the next few months so I might as well get used to it.

Off to sleep now, (and a quick read of a few chapters of the new Crichton book dealing with global warming, cool stuff) Happy dreams...