Moving forward

After arriving last night from my conference organizing in NY city, I was relieved, pretty exhausted and just ready to take my day off.

Its been thus far amazing.

Apart from being floored by Pieter's love and surprises on my birthday, (the collage of Paris posted on this blog was actual 24 by 36 and is now hanging in my kitchen; not to mention he framed 4 other paintings and prints and got me a TOM TOM gps system so I never get lost again)

This morning, among my presents laid out on our long dining room table, I also opened a present I bought a few months ago; but had since forgotten was here. It was intended for my office wall (soon to be new in October this year). It is a framed poem that touches me to the core, especially in light of how I was feeling earlier this week. I was reminded of how challenges bring us all where we need to be; to discover where we need to go and how to be.

To Walk where there is no path
To breath where there is no air
To see where there is no light
This is Faith.

To cry out in the silence
The silence of the night,
And hearing no echo, believe
And believe again and again
This is Faith.

To hold pebbles and see jewels
To raise sticks and see forests
To smile with weeping eyes
This is Faith

To say :'God, I believe' when others deny,
'I hear' where there is no answer
'I see' though naught is seen
This is Faith.

And the fierce love in the heart,
The savage love that cries
Hidden Thou art, yet there!
Veil thy face and mute thy tongue
Yet I see and hear Thee, Love,
Beat me down to the bare earth,
Yet I rise and love Thee, Love!
This is Faith.

-Ruhiyyih Khanum

mid life crisis?

There are occasional moments where I crave to run to Paris, move to Princeton (proper, not the suburb where we are now), relocate to Holland, London, or even to some isolated beautiful beach scape where the water is a clear blue.

Within the moment, I tend to think about the "possible" opportunities elsewhere, new friends who we can meet, engage in deep dinner conversations, and review the latest Charlie Rose. I ponder on the mutual affection for a life with spiritual choices, where we are guided not by a sense of greater materiality; but instead a path of learning, reflection, growth and challenges.

Somehow, although my current place in life is rich, learning, and enjoyable, I still crave elsewhere. This is why I wonder if my age is dawning on me, I am after all going to turn 38 this coming Friday.

I will spend the day with my husband, maybe grabbing a tea somewhere, or cappuccino depending on the mood of the day, and then we will spend time with one of our favorite couples having dinner in town while our kids mutually enjoy themselves at a play spot drop off for kids down the road.

It all sounds good, and while I get ready for another week at work (and host a conference for my colleagues in NY city) I will mostly be excited, revved up and having a good time doing so; in a genuine sort of way despite the fatigue that it sometimes generates.

But, there are those moments, I guess the thrill of leaving everything behind, especially the responsibilities, tasks, endless daily chores, seem so tempting. The mundane leads to melancholy, I wouldn't mind hiding from the world a little bit, or escape deep into it, depending on my mood. It is easy to linger on this, but it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy doesn't it? Instead, I have to tap into those things that enlighten, inspire and give back a little to me (and my better half who sometimes echoes these sentiments in other ways).

Getting back to reality, I also have to acknowledge that the most cherished moments are those deeper times with friends when deeper refection, and having fun (watching the latest Harry Potter or Bourne Ultimatum, or even hiking) are those I crave the most. Apart from walking through a city (NY, London, Paris) where the world opens up a freedom and excitement that is a constant charge, I need to figure out what or how to do that on my own, within my house, my time, family and friends.

So maybe my crisis is just realizing what is most or more important in life; and then creating that which is inspiring and wonderful on my own, or in this case with dear friends. I think I will try to do that more, maybe then our lost moments will become gained, and the crisis, albeit a short one fades...

Mystic trek

Today I took Isabella bike riding on her pink "mystic trek" bike. I practically ran/jogged behind her as she explored new sidewalk terrain on her training wheels. With helmet secured and hair pulled back, she enjoyed the turns, speeding up, braking and watching my shadow as the wind breeze moved by on a 70 degree sunny day.

What a moment, and I am psyched that I was there. With all the traveling I am doing lately (at least 2 days a week now) I am trying to catch up with my kids time on the weekend. Lately Pieter and I have found that spending too much time with people (great friends, movies, etc.) may be fun, but we lose some important moments with our kids. It is becoming more and more important to keep our kids as the highlight and others as great icing on the cake. So today we planned to go to the Princeton Market Fair to pick up some presents for Bella's upcoming birthday celebration with one of her best friends; walked through Princeton, got some pizza and of course some of the best ice cream in NJ (Halo Pub, you can't beat a $1.50 cone that is all natural and a little bit of heaven)

Anyway, I am going to be more cognizant of these moments, and make sure my priorities are kept in line with my overall goals. So this weekend, this Saturday at least has been a success.