He has been to the mountaintop, the promised land...

Before I begin publishing my random thoughts, I wanted to take notice that yesterday was the commemoration for Dr. Martin Luther King. A man who lived and taught through example. I heard a recording of him on the radio of his speech soon before he was killed. I was so moved by his passion, candor, dedication, strength, courage and intensity. I am reminded that one person can move so many people, what made Mr. Martin Luther King so brave? Why did he favor peace, and how did he sustain his belief while many opposed him. What creates that fire that outlasts his life? I have a theory, that his words and life brought us closer to the truth, closer to the potential of where we can be, and it creates a spiritual connection that cannot but touch so many of us.

I think we all can see a glimmer of the strength of the human character, and recognize when it shines. Sad that his life was cut short, unjustly ending another chapter in human heroism, those who fought beyond themselves and aided humanity to move forward.

Proudly waging war

In the NY times, Nicholas Kristof suggests a new concept for our political leaders, to wage a war on poverty. Switch the efforts from the war in Iraq, to global poverty... His article blends the ideas of seeking to help people in other areas of the world despite no major disaster, despite no major famous stars advocating aid due to the tsunami, earthquake but simply just because. (See NY Times Waging a War we could be proud of, January 10, 2006, by Nicholas D. Kristof)

His article focused on 3 elements,
-Wiping out malaria
(two million people a year die from this unnecessarily)

-Cutting maternal mortality in half
(Since some of the countries such as Honduras and Sri Lanka have proven methods to cut mortality in half, it does not seem to be logical to allow more than 500,000 women die yearly in pregnancy and childbirth...)

-Educating girls
(this would result in obvious positive consequences, Kristof notes that jobs and healthier children would result and the right to complain regarding injustices. His point is valid and in addition educating girls would empower women to resist oppression, an important issue and an ignored one for too long)

Wow what a concept! If we just push this example further, could you imagine if we only started a war on illiteracy, war on oppression, war on inequality?? My mind is soaring to the possibilities. Anyway, just had to mention this article and praise the efforts of Mr. Kristof, for attempting to realign the world's (or based on his suggestion the US's) efforts on something that could shift humanity's condition for the better.

Holding off ...

'Not everything that a man knoweth can be disclosed, nor can everything that he can disclose be regarded as timely, nor can every timely utterence be considered as suited to the capacity of those who hear it.'

- Bahá'u'lláh, Gleanings, LXXXIX

Thanks to my friend who posted this on another blog as a comment. I was looking for this quote today in fact because I learned a hard lesson that I shall not (cannot) soon forget.

A difficult but wonderful conversation took place today, about how a person's "intent" is not always important in finding out the truth of the matter. Instead, the impact of the words, actions etc. could have such an impact that despite the intent, the effect on someone else is true, felt.

An analogy that comes to mind is a canvas that a person desires to paint. Scenerio 1: When you arrive in a room with a blank canvas, it is empty, and painting vivid, dark, bright, pastel, or black colors are open to you, and can be reflected directly onto the page, no interuption, no unintended effects. Scenerio 2: Same person walks into a room, and instead of a blank canvas, there are several in the room with each having its own hues, colors, depth, tones and expressions. These canvases are people who are thinking about their own thoughts, living their lives from their perspectives and we enter the room waiting and ready to paint. Scenerio 3: Person walks into the room, but now the group is a close knit group, or a close conversation between two people, the canvases merge, the colors become united, exhanging truths with each other. If we ignore what we see when we get there and each of the three scenerios are not distinguishes we may impose our colors so easily onto the canvas in front of us, we may forget which situation we have, are we expressing alone, as part of a group, or merged into a close conversation where the painting could then have a strong unintended impact.

If I am triggered to be defensive, or feel I can put forth a point or opinion, I use my persuasive reasoning and strongly advocate my position passionately. Sometimes, it is the only way I know how to express my truth. I in my expression bring colors of vivid reds, blues, shooting yellows, and I am feeling completely empowered to do so. Why? It is my expression, my truth, my sincere contribution, with lets assume no mal-intent.

However, what I never realized before today, is that when I shoot those colors, I am adding to the joint canvas between me and this other person...if they had colors of beige, purple, pinks, pastels, I covered them all with my powerful hues. What happened? Well, maybe the canvas that contained oranges and light pinks, are now brown. Their canvas had no way of surviving my colorful wrath.(!!) Frankly, I never stopped to really look.

The effect can be varied, from hurt, confusion, quiet compliance, enjoyment, agreement or retort. I used to think it didnt matter, because my intent was never to cover their colors, it was only to express mine (innocently I thought).

Now, I want to change that. I want to be cognizant of these other realities, considerate of other colors, canvases, and feelings. Not to always push my own views and energies onto everyone else. I'd like to convert the automatic reaction to a pause and gently maybe deliberately cause my colors to show in the right time, in the right place, when it can or should be recieved. A little more humility never hurt anyone. : ) (hey per the blog entry before this one, it looks like the "wish" for a keener sense of consiousness has been granted to me at least)

a wish

How do you celebrate New Year's? Well, Pieter and I decided to have a quiet evening with a few friends. The funny thing was, it turned out to be a night with 21 friends, children and some babies. Oh boy. It was a nice night, unexpected, spontaneous and crazy at times, but a good new years to add to our growing list.

It all started when I met Pieter, we went to Paris during our first year New Year's Eve together and actually saw Pulp Fiction en francais. Its where I learned that "honey bunny" was in fact lapin sucre in French. What a discovery...I would use that phrase several times when talking to P after that movie. Sigh, smile.

Over the years, we have been to Belgium, Israel, NY City, Holland...and of course, NJ. On the 31st as we approached 2006 friends who were Dutch, Icelandic, Persian-Philapino, Persian-Indian, Pakistani, American and a mix of all the above were over. We celebrated, ate food, got the kids to fall asleep, and sat around our library table chatting and getting to know each other better over meatballs, falafel, and some toasty onion soup that happily got rave reviews.

Pieter and I suggested to the group (before the midnight hour) that we have a roundtable offering. Not of our own resolutions, or personal goals, but rather and instead, a wish for the world. A time to recall all the events that struck the less fortunate around us and to hope or to wish that the coming year would be bringing hope, possibility and maybe a wish that would come true. With that, we suggested that each person make a wish, not for themselves, but for the world and humanity in general. This was the reply:

"Wishes for..."

...more mysticism for more people
...more truthfullness and capacity to recognize it
...more interacial/intercultural integration
...a keener sense of shame or conciousness
...to play more with puppies,
...a greater acknowledgement of issues around us
...that children are truly loved and cared for
...to enjoy more and to share more love
...more respect in the world
...for shops to close more often to have time to enjoy life
...that children are warm, happy, and safe
...that a King or Queen becomes more noble, have the courage to change their agenda towards good and actually follow through despite political pressures
...for equality
...that the world can make wishes themselves

After we reflected, offered a few prayers and listened to some inspiring tunes. We then watched the countdown (caught the final 24 seconds) on TV so that especially our Icelandic vistors could catch the famous ball that drops on Times Square. We then hung out until about 3 AM...That was our New Year's Eve 2005-2006. With that beginning, I look forward to what 2006 will bring.

If inspired (or almost inspired), please add a wish and add a comment to this blog. Looking forward to hearing from you, and before I forget, Happy New Year :-)

Peace

This is a nice time of year. Perhaps in some ways more than most because so many people, despite their religious background, or cultural upbringing, share, smile more and seem to think about peace and wishes for everyone. Peace can be a funny overused word, but frankly, I think it suits me just fine. As a person who believes in global change and a true sense of peace between human beings, I find the wish almost too hard to fathom. But at least I know we all have to start somewhere, and if wishes on the holidays are where we start to think a little differently, maybe our hearts will begin to transform. The following is a poem that Pieter found recently. Enjoy...

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
Lao-Tse

Hibernation Day?

It was Hibernation Day at Bella's school today. What did that mean? She had to wear pajamas to school. But, as a busy working rush around Mom, I had no idea that it was today. It was in the far corners of my mind, but definitely not in my thoughts this morning. So as I pulled up to school, we were about to enter the building, when our friend Nancy (who brings her daughter to school) said "Hi Nishat, everyone is in pjs today!" My first thought was, was her SUV filled with her kids in PJ's?? So I looked very confused, and she clarified...It was hibernation day today.

1...2....3...

"Mommy...(sniff sniff) why did you put my clothes out today ?? (tears flooding her face)... I dont have pajamas!!!!" she slowly but surely cried and required some serious tissue to clean up the mess that was made on her cold congested crying nose...

This was my mistake. Although I did attempt hopelessly to use logic and justify the fact that it was way too cold to wear PJS when it was winter outside, it was to no avail. As I walked in class, I realized and remembered the sometimes akward insecure feelings when I was in school and I really disliked ever being the odd one out.

So, with determined resolve, I called work that I'd be late, drove back home and brought her the pajamas. When i arrived, she asked me whether I brought the pajamas SHE really wanted...i.e. The Hello Kitty ones.

I had...and the most wonderful hugest smile lit up her face. "Thanks Mommy"

Sometimes, it means more to me to do the little things that may be little in context, but huge in someone elses eyes. That was a good moment.

By the way, I have been checking out a cool group out of Holland that focuses on Brazillian music with a semi Persian lead singer who is also a very cool beautiful person that Pieter and I know from the Dutch Bahai Community. Funky diverse eh?? Anyway, check out their site for cool sounds from Europe...www.dirindi.com

sadness and love at the same time

I just finished reworking two legal contracts agreements and took a shower as I am all lawyered out and thought i should make some comments before my head hits the pillow. I heard some news today, something that really saddened me, and some wonderful news at the same time.

News 1: I heard from a long time friend/spiritual sister today. This woman entered my life back in 1985 when I started my 10th grade in my new high school in North Brunswick, NJ. She was in my English class, and was the only other woman of color that I could see. At the time, I was not a global citizen yet, only a child of experienced racism and prejudice struggling to find friends in this new school of new strange faces. I was seeking a friendly face who would "get" who I was despite teh fact that I was a new kid in town.

She became a great friend, confidant, fellow-undisciplined student (only at times, :)) and remains to this day, one of the closest souls that I can be happy to call my friend, without condition, without regard to circumstance, without regard to any changing winds that we may go through. She is solid. I am thrilled that we are back in touch and had to acknowledge to my blog readers that sometimes, getting back in touch with those people that we love or once loved is a good thing.

News 2: Its not fair that the innocent people have to still get unjustly treated... Mr. Dhabihu'llah Mahrami, a man with deep brown eyes and sensitive features revealing a gentle man was wrongly jailed in Iran in 1995 for the plain unfancy fact that he is a Bahai.

On Thursday, 15 December 2005, ten years later, despite the international outcry regarding a death sentence back in 1999 who's freedom and release was supported by many governments and the international press, died in his prison cell of unknown causes. This was from a report by the Bahai International Community.

"... His death comes amidst ominous signs that a new wave of persecutions of Baha'is has begun. This year so far, at least 59 Baha'is have been arrested, detained or imprisoned, a figure up sharply from the last several years...Mr. Mahrami is survived by his aged mother, his wife, his four children, and his grandchildren."

This news really saddens my heart. Although I can see that his death will not be in vain, it is just another example of stuff in this world that I wish, just wish would not have to happen, no matter the reasons, the benefits of the impact or any other purposes that may be shown to be relevant to this event in the future. He was 58, the same age as my Father when he died; and close to my husband's father we he passed. They were loved, free, and still dearly missed. How Mr. Mahrami's family must feel, not even saying goodbye, unable to communicate, and harshly aware of the dangers facing him everyday. May they find their solace, peace and contentment through their confusion, bewilderment and yearning. My prayers are with them.

So now I have revealed the sadness that I expereinced today, as well as the tenderness, closeness and goodness of a friendship. I am still feeling sad and happy at the same time, I guess its because my heart is deeply affected by both these events.

Plus, I am really tired, which I am sure impacts my clarity of mind...anyway, I do hope those reading this are free, full of love (or at least half full...) and can reach out to their friends too. It might make the unjust events that happen in this world, a little more bearable.

Spiritual Cafe revisited

So last night was a very cooooool Spiritual Cafe. We had a diverse group, with a collection of college students from US and Australlia/young professionals/lawyers/a Princeton student who is also verging on a professional baseball career and us. The theme was spirituality and the arts. The conversation included discussions around the recent riots in Australlia, racism in France, how to achieve world peace and percieve oneness of humanity when everyone around us seeks self gratification, achieving our "personal quest" as portrayed in the Alchemist, how the aborigines traced song line, sharing how to enable strict atheists to feel the spiritual world rather than rationalize it, the cool new duet between Alicia Keys and Bono and dunking cookies in coffee.

This is what I found to be so inspiring, that people many of whom have never met before can engage in a true exchange of fellowship, while exploring layers of truth and critical thinking about the world around them. It was a GREAT night, one that I will place in my heart of memories and hopefully add to in the future.

Peace.

Amedeo and Frida

I have been watching some interesting films lately. Modigliani starring Andy Garcia as the Amedeo Modigliani and Omid Djalili as his rival Pablo Picasso. I mention who plays Pablo Picasso becuase it was a great portrayal, and it was by a Bahai actor from the UK. Omid is also a renowned comedian in Europe but in this film his performance was solid and memorable.

Anyway, the story is about an artist that has such a strong desire to paint, but for principle...not for money. His rival against Pablo Picasso is somewhat based on a difference of lifestyle (one making money, the other impoverished) but a competitive one laced with jealousy, power and maybe even friendship. Sadly, after the artist dies from a combination of alcoholism, TB and ill health, his love and muse jumped out of her 5th floor window killing herself and her unborn child two days after Modigliani passed.

This was a sad ending, but a true one. I had to ask myself why I liked Modigliani's paintings to begin with, they seem to reflect a pure feminine texture to the women he paints. Pure in the form that they are unguarded, or at least as he sees them. Interesting though how his life unraveled so quickly and yet he left a legacy for others too see into his world that he created.

Next comes Frida starring Salma Hayak. I was unexectedly impressed and frankly carried away by the character portrayal. A movie about a woman who expressed her physical and mental anguish through her art. Her story essentially starts with a beautiful and energetic youth with liberal (bordering radical) ideas and a bounce to her step. Most unexpectedly, she was in a horrible accident that created spinal and bone injuries which would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Despite her miraculous recovery and regaining her ability to walk again, she endured many surgeries, readjustments and so-called restorative treatments which never resolved the ongoing pain. Also, physical pain was not her only source of her art. After her accident, while seeking an artist's opinion, she acquainted herself with an older famous painter who ignited her passion and led her down a path she could not turn away from. He (Diego) was her fellow colleague-artist who understood her whims, art and passion, but who had an voracious appetite for women, whether or not he was married. So Frida accepted him with his faults, and added some more layers of heartbreak to her life.

She painted her emotion directly onto canvas, it seemed she painted for that reason. Her legacy is a bit off putting, but real and as evident of her anguish as is her view on her life events unfolding before her.

Pause.

After watching both, I pondered where art comes from and how it is developed. It can reflect people's love, pain, life, passions and dreams. The great gift that we all have is that we can interpret these living processes whether through singing, poetry, writing a book, taking pictures, directing a film, dancing, drawing, sculping...More of this should be done to capture a deeper sense of reality.

This is the gift of art. To embrace a part of ourselves so closely that we can bottle this inner mystical reality, and then release it onto a permanent fixture. For ourselves to gain better insight of what we found, but also sometimes maybe just once in a while, for others as well.

"No sooner had I approached the heart's door and said, "Show thyself to me!"
than He appeared before me in the midst of that nearness.
From all sides I became surrounded by the warmth of that ecstasy.
He became completely I, and I became completey He,
I, the heart and He, the beloved of my heart.

My Ka'ba is the earth of your nearness.
Your face is the torch that illuminates the world.
The curls of your tresses are the chains of my soul.
The arches of your two eyebrows are my heart's Qiblih;
our ringlet is my cross in the monastery."

Excerpted from a translated poem written by Tahirih a heroine and martyr when she was 36 years young, during 19th century Iran, known as the 'Persian Joan of Arc' as a leader of emanicipation of women in the Orient.

patience and faith

So my story in my last post was written by me because I was finding myself frustrated around things I cannot control, annoyed about waiting for time to pass for certain things to happen, insecure around the unknown, yet not able to quench my longing with anything. After thinking about it (while on my treadmill, good things come to those who exercise :) ) I realized that sometimes patience is the only recipe to get to the end point. Having faith is sometimes that catalyst to jump across the bridge...while not knowing what is on the other side.

I thought about whether there is any way to illustrate the magic that faith and patience can bring...and hence the story of Huang and Liu around silk. The two characters were actually the people to have discovered the silk making process and so I thought their names would be suited well for the story.

I hope it illustrates why patience and faith is a good thing, a necessary thing and at the end of the day maybe the reason why great things can happen.

So the story is dedicated to my friends and family who also find it hard to wait for the right thing to come along, the book to get completed, the relationships to get better and the opportunities to arise.

"The steed of this Valley is patience; without patience the wayfarer on this journey will reach nowhere and attain no goal. Nor should he ever be downhearted; if he strive for a hundred thousand years and yet fail to behold the beauty of the Friend, he should not falter...In Our ways will We guide them."
(From the Valley of Search written by Baha'u'llah in the Seven Valleys...)