thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a holiday that I don't always know what to expect; especially since the family traditions kind of faded when my Father passed away and our big dinners have become occasional at best. New families and mingling traditions make the event that was once your own and so familiar, confusing based on which family's, inlaws, etc. one attends; or hosts or passes up for another year. Through all the shuffling, the constant is the menu, which then sustains a tradition in culinary form; with scents and smells of sage, turkey and maybe even chestnuts that 1 day a year.

The food becomes the centerpiece, and for us we made sure not to rush and think through the details. We planned for a few weeks reviewing various copies of Cooking light for the best side dishes; and thankfully left the turkey prep to Whole Foods and ordered some desserts (Pumpkin cheesecake from Neiman Marcus anyone? there is still some left in our fridge).

Isabella was looking forward to not only a Turkey, but a cornucopia in the center of our table (which we did create after her suggestion with holly from our trees, and mandarins adding color to the table). Our humble version was not too impressive for her but she was content (and she mentioned ketchup with turkey, oh well a new generation of foodies are arriving). Alec kept on mentioning pumpkin pie every day for about 10 days; so finally I made one; for the 1st time. He loved the whipped cream; but didn't touch the filling. Oh well, it may be better as an idea than an actual tasty dessert (who started this squash pie tradition anyway?).

The day itself was nice; full with great conversation, reacquainting ourselves with family we hadn't seen in a long time (including hearing about my cousin's high school trip to Cambodia as a UN East West initiative). We relaxed, talked, ate, ate and ate.

Apart from the family stuff; eating etc, it seems timely that being thankful and reflecting on those things we have, adds to the authenticity of this holiday so I will make note of a few things that come to mind:

1) I am thankful that Pieter and I played Monopoly with Isabella the 1st time ever yesterday afternoon; and she wiped us clean!!!

2) I am thankful that my Mom travels every other week to see Alec and Bella and has been since they were born; giving them a side I never had; and learning about the people they become.

3) I am thankful that I finally acquainted myself with our garden, a chore 4 years later than it should have been, but at least now I know I can do it (which I was very doubtful) I actually like it (shocker) and I am a better person for the experience is has taught me.

4) I am thankful that my son gives me kisses each night, one on my nose and on my cheek; and reminds me that he likes me just about every day.

5) I am thankful that Pieter and I had a wonderful, incredible trip to Paris this year and that we will now make sure we won't let too much time go by before our next one.

6) I am thankful that my job is incredibly challenging and rewarding, especially when it comes down to the people factor; never did I find individuals that are so trustworthy, dependable and quite amazing to be around.

7) I am thankful for the friendships I have that have sustained the test of time, distance and consequences which change; but yet have no effect on the love and laughter that still comes easy.

8) I am thankful for my Mom-in law Carla who I miss much and wish to see more but is finding her path hopefully new and exciting across the world in her home country of Holland.

9) I am thankful to my children that bring me laughter, joy, wonderment and frustration (only sometimes) on a daily basis.

10) I am thankful, incredibly so for my husband, the anchor of my hectic life and inspiring soul that never ceases to amaze me (or challenge me).

Last, I am thankful that I have learned much this year about myself, including my limitations, learning about pushing beyond my limits, and just thinking differently about things...including learning to be thankful.

Peace out. (if you click on the title; you will see pictures from Flickr)

Climbing the ladder too high

Is there such a thing as climbing a ladder "too" high? In the corporate analogies we use, there is typically a drive to go "up" the ladder and find the highest peak from which we can reach our potential, find challenges, get paid well and exist in a rewarding place.

I wonder if this climbing needs to paced slower than natural, that is to say, how and when should we control or slow this down, or are we drawn by necessity to continue up until there is no other place to go?

Family comes as a huge responsibility, and frankly high priority in today's world. If we take view of what this world is (vs 20 years ago), we are now a global marketplace where despite our access to information, communication and knowledge, many children are left without guidance or enough love and patience to deal with today's harsh reality.

Remember (or not) the simplicity of playing outside until dinner; the closeness of neighbors; familiarity with teachers that remain at the same school for generations; the security of building roots in a community etc just doesn't seem to be present in our insanely paced reality of 2007. As a result,we have to evaluate our role as parents in a new light.

Are we there enough, really? Do we spend enough time reading their bedtime stories, or do we skip pages? Do we look into their eyes and hear what they are saying, for that one moment in time where a smile can light up the entire room; or do we look down at our Blackberry and fail to hear their call for attention...

Reality can be hard, but its all good. It only gets us closer to our true path.

For me, that means questioning my overall time, and how I spend my hours both in work and at home. As an employee,my responsibilities continue 24 hours a day, weekends or holidays notwithstanding. Yet, there are at least 15,000 other people helping the company get where it needs to go, maybe not in the same capacity, but they are all helping with their part. Plus, no one but no one except for ME will ever help me keep myself balanced at work. I need to be my best advocate. I know I am good at advocating for others, that much is clear. Now the real test begins.

Whereas, I have Isabella and Alec, 2 lovely souls who bring utter joy and happiness 24 hours a day till forever who are being cared for by me and Pieter, the two of us. We together, serve not only as helpmates to each other (which also needs it wonderful time to nurture) we serve as role models, friends, teachers, disciplinarians, spiritual mentors every single day, for at least the next 12 years.

Given this reality, how can we fail to meet our mark with such a high level of responsibility? The essence is we don't fail, we try, we strive, we persevere and continue the path.

However, one extra step is needed, and that is to remind ourselves (me that is) that weighing the time considerations that are less and less for me, I have to take stock. I will add a few more hours, a few more days, more time, more minutes to wherever I can because I have to. So if I travel, I will also remember to take stock again and when necessary to give back to my own time, with my kids, my husband and myself. They are the most important people in my life; and frankly no matter how important or interesting my job may become, I am here for many reasons on this Earth and I am sure keeping a balanced life is part of the overall plan.

Finding seekers of the same light

For the last 14 years or so, I have been captured by a certain someone who is not only my best friend, but an inspiring poet, stalwart friend, and a incredibly talented teacher to Isabella & Alec.

Notwithstanding his qualities however, which are obvious to me, since I live with him, it is not always obvious to others. I find it sometimes difficult to explain that he writes eloquently and precisely, has a overarching vision that perceives humanity's greatness, and at the same time can construct a modern/euro kitchen with his bare hands, and play piano calmly but sweetly when no one is listening or so he thinks.

It is particularly frustrating when others identify him in relation to money, in dollars. I am even more squeamish when I get referred to as the "breadwinner" as if a prize has been won, and it is I who possess this bounty...ugh.

For the last 6 years, we have allocated the "funding" of the household to a simple formula. Instead of us both working 50-80 hours a week, and having little or no presence at our home for our children as they progressed from infancy towards children-hood we decided to keep the one with more flexibility at home. This enables an ideal path where we both seek to fulfill our goals within a structure that is elastic enough to enable full extension of our wings when possible.

As a result, I have been working at a company that has challenged me considerably requiring travel,long working hours and at times exciting perks (cruise to the Baltic Sea and US Open tickets to name a few). Though exhausted at times, I love what I do, feel incredibly blessed by this opportunity and feel very deeply that it is a good path so with support and incredible encouragement I remain steadfast and patient to see where it takes us.

He is writing a novel and his focus and determination is crystal clear; the only process to complete has already begun; so there is no turning back as long as our hopes remain high and faith is held strong, between the 2 of us, within and without. The research and development stages of the blueprints and planning have been laid, it is only the visual connecting of the points through the words that remain.

As we get ready for this exciting cornerstone to be forged, we are getting some little details taken care of on the homefront. Reshuffling our home and getting rid of older unused nic-naks that only cluttered our home. Likewise, we are finding books and subjects we refrained from enjoying since they were scattered without order on a random bookshelf.

It was in this reclaiming of order where I came across a book of poems, Gitanjali, by Rabindranath Tagore that retained an obvious familiarity that really surprised me. Although he is not someone modern and a century away, across the other side of world, I finally can say that there is another soul that resonates a similar tone towards truth and vision with the same person that I have become so familiar with over this past decade 1/2, it was if I was reading from the same passages within a century between them. (See for example passage 78 and compare with poetry found on indigored.com)

It made me think that maybe the light that passes between us or with us is timeless, and although many in our frenetic paced world cant always see it, it is there, eternal, endless and radiant to those who can.

Moving forward

After arriving last night from my conference organizing in NY city, I was relieved, pretty exhausted and just ready to take my day off.

Its been thus far amazing.

Apart from being floored by Pieter's love and surprises on my birthday, (the collage of Paris posted on this blog was actual 24 by 36 and is now hanging in my kitchen; not to mention he framed 4 other paintings and prints and got me a TOM TOM gps system so I never get lost again)

This morning, among my presents laid out on our long dining room table, I also opened a present I bought a few months ago; but had since forgotten was here. It was intended for my office wall (soon to be new in October this year). It is a framed poem that touches me to the core, especially in light of how I was feeling earlier this week. I was reminded of how challenges bring us all where we need to be; to discover where we need to go and how to be.

To Walk where there is no path
To breath where there is no air
To see where there is no light
This is Faith.

To cry out in the silence
The silence of the night,
And hearing no echo, believe
And believe again and again
This is Faith.

To hold pebbles and see jewels
To raise sticks and see forests
To smile with weeping eyes
This is Faith

To say :'God, I believe' when others deny,
'I hear' where there is no answer
'I see' though naught is seen
This is Faith.

And the fierce love in the heart,
The savage love that cries
Hidden Thou art, yet there!
Veil thy face and mute thy tongue
Yet I see and hear Thee, Love,
Beat me down to the bare earth,
Yet I rise and love Thee, Love!
This is Faith.

-Ruhiyyih Khanum

mid life crisis?

There are occasional moments where I crave to run to Paris, move to Princeton (proper, not the suburb where we are now), relocate to Holland, London, or even to some isolated beautiful beach scape where the water is a clear blue.

Within the moment, I tend to think about the "possible" opportunities elsewhere, new friends who we can meet, engage in deep dinner conversations, and review the latest Charlie Rose. I ponder on the mutual affection for a life with spiritual choices, where we are guided not by a sense of greater materiality; but instead a path of learning, reflection, growth and challenges.

Somehow, although my current place in life is rich, learning, and enjoyable, I still crave elsewhere. This is why I wonder if my age is dawning on me, I am after all going to turn 38 this coming Friday.

I will spend the day with my husband, maybe grabbing a tea somewhere, or cappuccino depending on the mood of the day, and then we will spend time with one of our favorite couples having dinner in town while our kids mutually enjoy themselves at a play spot drop off for kids down the road.

It all sounds good, and while I get ready for another week at work (and host a conference for my colleagues in NY city) I will mostly be excited, revved up and having a good time doing so; in a genuine sort of way despite the fatigue that it sometimes generates.

But, there are those moments, I guess the thrill of leaving everything behind, especially the responsibilities, tasks, endless daily chores, seem so tempting. The mundane leads to melancholy, I wouldn't mind hiding from the world a little bit, or escape deep into it, depending on my mood. It is easy to linger on this, but it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy doesn't it? Instead, I have to tap into those things that enlighten, inspire and give back a little to me (and my better half who sometimes echoes these sentiments in other ways).

Getting back to reality, I also have to acknowledge that the most cherished moments are those deeper times with friends when deeper refection, and having fun (watching the latest Harry Potter or Bourne Ultimatum, or even hiking) are those I crave the most. Apart from walking through a city (NY, London, Paris) where the world opens up a freedom and excitement that is a constant charge, I need to figure out what or how to do that on my own, within my house, my time, family and friends.

So maybe my crisis is just realizing what is most or more important in life; and then creating that which is inspiring and wonderful on my own, or in this case with dear friends. I think I will try to do that more, maybe then our lost moments will become gained, and the crisis, albeit a short one fades...

Mystic trek

Today I took Isabella bike riding on her pink "mystic trek" bike. I practically ran/jogged behind her as she explored new sidewalk terrain on her training wheels. With helmet secured and hair pulled back, she enjoyed the turns, speeding up, braking and watching my shadow as the wind breeze moved by on a 70 degree sunny day.

What a moment, and I am psyched that I was there. With all the traveling I am doing lately (at least 2 days a week now) I am trying to catch up with my kids time on the weekend. Lately Pieter and I have found that spending too much time with people (great friends, movies, etc.) may be fun, but we lose some important moments with our kids. It is becoming more and more important to keep our kids as the highlight and others as great icing on the cake. So today we planned to go to the Princeton Market Fair to pick up some presents for Bella's upcoming birthday celebration with one of her best friends; walked through Princeton, got some pizza and of course some of the best ice cream in NJ (Halo Pub, you can't beat a $1.50 cone that is all natural and a little bit of heaven)

Anyway, I am going to be more cognizant of these moments, and make sure my priorities are kept in line with my overall goals. So this weekend, this Saturday at least has been a success.

Traveling summer of 2007

I have been remiss in not writing for so long on my blog. I will need to update this soon; and inform the blogosphere how amazing my trip to the Baltic Sea was over the last week.

Pieter and I were invited to attend a spectacular trip/cruise along the Baltic Sea visiting ports such as Estonia, St. Petersburg, Helsinki and Stockholm. Apart from the amazing places, rich imagery and stunning sites, we were privileged to meet some amazing new friends during dinner each night on the boat.

From Saturday when it started through the following Friday night, we took part in long deep conversations into the late hours making new friends, attending incredible tours together and discovering how Estonians, Russians and Swedish folk live. We also found out that Saunas (prounounced Sa-ow-nas) are very important to the Finns...

This trip was in fact a work sponsored trip; and although my initial expectation was that I would enjoy the sites and love the travel, (for example: I went hiking, rowing and site seeing in 1 day...followed by a cocktail party and then dinner)I was amazed at how warm and open the folks were on the trip. Every one was really nice, without exception, all 250 of them and their spouses/partners. Our conversations during the day, dinners and through the tours took many turns, spanning from discovering new books, understanding reality, life/work balance, the oneness of religion (despite the many backgrounds of each couple we met, we found invariable common threads in each one), raising children, multicultural marriages and how diversity and true consultation can leads to a better answer than than without. We also shared the story of how we met about 10 times at least (but that will be for another posting). Mostly it was great conversation, lots of laughter and reflection on the important things in life. Not to mention there was a coffee bar on board open 24/7...For anyone who knows me, that just makes a perfect vacation.

Good bye for now. Tonight I have to sleep early (just having finished getting over the jet lag) so we can get up bright and early for our Green Acre Bahai School visit...additional travel posts will be forthcoming.

Peace.

Paris, the summary

Its funny, over the past several days (leaning into weeks now) I have been trying to set aside time to finally complete my Paris article and to properly savor the memories of such a fantastic trip. I think I have some excuses however so I will list them now: work has been going too fast, too much travel and too little time to give me ample moments to write; we have had visitors from Holland, a new air conditioner installed (which means a heat issue until its done) and just catching up in general leaving me little or no time to prepare my lines.

Before I completely forget the entire trip, and to make sure I at least complete a few thoughts, I want to mention a few things that stick in my mind even now.
Taking a pause.

Whether it is over a coffee, double espresso, gelato, or over dinner, the Parisians have a very nice way to stop time and enjoy the moments. I miss that probably more than ever. Why is it, that with even a cup of espresso, or hot tea in the morning I am multitasking away my day? I want the singular moment to enjoy, think, ponder and just slow down.

A surprise on our trip was a visit to an apartment, not just any place but a home that was witness to many talks & discussions in the early 1900's. This was the apartment that Abdu'l-Baha, the son of the Prophet Founder of the Baha'i Faith resided after he was released from a lifetime of persecution and prison (he was about 60 when he was allowed to travel after confinement) due to his and his father's belief in the essential oneness of humanity. At 4 Avenue de Camoens, in 1911, from October through December, presentations were given about a very new concept...recognizing people as one, regardless of politic, color, nationality or class. Talks were short, but very insightful, inspiring and revolutionary for its time. It was at this place that Pieter and I visited, and it was here that the moments of pause really mattered. It was almost as if we could see back in time and feel the warmth, graciousness and love of Abdul'Baha. That name may sound strange to readers unaware, but if you read his writings and find out about his life, one begins to understand the amazing sacrifice and compassion that this human being shared with everyone he met. In any event, we felt it there and were incredibly honored to have seen this place; as well as the 18 other Baha'is visiting that day ( from US, Africa, Australia, Holland and France)!

The rest
Shopping was great fun, we loved Le Bon Marche, that had an amazing array of foods, pastries, spices, furniture, and even clothes, (similar to Wegmans, Nordstrom and Whole Foods combined) We bought lots of little gifts and enjoyed trying to savor the French food, cheese, and artsy stuff that is literally unknown here. Ever see a butterfly patch with intricate design and sparkles that could be ironed on pants for girls? Or sugar cubes in the shape of a heart that fits on the rim of a cup? A toy air baloon made to an exact replica from a century ago?

Art was amazing, overwhelming, sometimes dizzying but great to experience. Seeing Monet across an entire wall, or the Mona Lisa surrounded by so many people, or my favorite, Rodin's Kiss. No words to describe that one.

Cafes, museums, moments, walking, friends, dinners etc. It was heaven, and I feel blessed that we could go. Missed my kids, but it was really worth it, every drop, every moment...J'aime Paris. Now I just have to remember to bring some Paris back home.

a Paris part 1

Describing Paris in words seems so inadequate; especially when so much was felt and experienced in ways I did not even expect. I could start at least by identifying some of the tastes and colors that were felt.

I can't describe it all, at least in one sitting, but will hit on a few high points and then continue on next time.

Overall
Amazing, gorgeous weather, spiritually uplifting and memorable in so many ways. Each passing minute felt like a gift. This was especially true when we spent time with our dear friends (Martijn knows Pieter since high school days...) from Holland, who took the train down to Paris for a family trip. Apart from the dinner (photo below) We were able to see them during the nights for late night chats over tea, on the balcony catching up on life.

These nights were unexpectedly a rekindling of a friendship of the best kind; one that doesn't need to much attention on a day to day basis; but just endures through time, places and life. We shared a lot and learned more than we probably expected. It was a unique opportunity to exchange our life lessons and I am so thankful we had this time together.

Walking perspectives
So many beautiful streets, shops, sidewalks, vistas, gardens, historic sites, museums, homes, cafes, bakeries, all nestled together from one place to the next. The continuation and extension of amazing places to see was just endless. It started with the adorable little boutique shops such as the one pictured above, that only specialized hot air balloons and music boxes. A few doors down (in the Quartier Latin) was the oldest restaurant in Paris, La Procope; the place Pieter and I visited when we were engaged back in 1994.


Art was everywhere, real art, and galleries as if every artist could have its own personal showroom for the world to see. Nothing like Soho where the grandness and vibe is connected with an artist for a few moments. Instead, it seems that Parisians appreciate all forms of art, even the doorways of buildings seemed elegant and striking.

People
Of course one of the most quintessential experiences is viewing the Parisians themselves. I was in awe of the splendor of the women in this city. Not that Pieter could truly notice what I was referring to; but I sensed that women, no matter the size, shape, color or background, were mostly (if not all) confident, tailored feminine, with an air of je ne sais quoi. (Okay hopefully my last and only cliche)

Not that there was a lot of makeup, fancy clothes or designer handbags, quite the opposite. I saw ladies who may have just been walking their dog, catching a smoke before their day started; or walking along just enjoying the art at a museum, but each of them had flair and style with a confidence I admired. It made their beauty shine from within as well as from the outside.

Diversity was everywhere, a rich tapestry of people from many countries, whether from Eastern Europe, Europe, Africa, Americas, everyone seemed to be there and it was not as distinct as NY or London where each group has their own subculture and can live amongst their own identities apart from everyone else. It felt like there was a closer knit community of French speaking people, and an acknowledgment that they all were connected somehow. I could be naive in this impression but it felt that way, and I liked the sense of respect no matter the color, background or nationality.

En fin...
Bon soir for now, I will add entries on food, art, history and shopping next time.

Paris here we come

5 minutes from now, Pieter and I will depart for Newark Airport. We are traveling to Paris for a few days without my adorable little ones. It will be a trip that we have been looking forward for a loooooooooong time and can't wait to get there. I am hoping that it will be a time for reflection, appreciation, many moments of fun, love and slowing down. We were last there when we were engaged, in 1994 during the coldest New Years Eve ever. Now, it is Spring and even though it may rain a little, this time will be ours.

So hopefully soon, about a week from now, I'll send an update, pictures and thoughts on how this Paris trip will be. Until then, my Bella and Alec are in my heart...

Au Revoir!!!!